


THE LAST WISH

by galateabellator



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Fanfiction, Romance, attack on titan - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2018-10-26 16:25:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 47,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10790271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galateabellator/pseuds/galateabellator
Summary: Here's what happens after Bertholdt gets captured in my LOVE THY ENEMY story. The narrator is Romy Sohner, my OC from that fanfic. WARNING: Chapter 9 contains scenes of sexual nature (it's a lemon chapter).Bertholdt Hoover and SnK belong to Hajime Isayama.Romy Sohner, Gustav Lindeman, Lotte Metzger, Aurora Amsel, Ezra Schwarz, Regulus, and separate Units of the Scouting Legion belong to me.





	1. The Broken Doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Utopia District is every bit as bad as he thought.

**_Warning: This story contains spoilers, strong language and some gore scenes, but I am not sure they require "mature" filter, so... consider yourselves warned._ **

**PART 1** ~~and maybe the last one~~

Bertholdt Hoover was transported to the Utopia District and put into the deepest, darkest cell, blindfolded and chained. That was quite the success for humanity who seemed to lose almost all the battles against titans. So, in a way, that was a symbol of hope, a demonstration that we weren’t as weak as we previously thought. It meant that even the smallest of us could change the course of our collective fate if we try hard enough, and risk it. It was supposed to be the sweet taste of victory, but not for me… well, not entirely. 

For better or for worse, that wasn’t the only thing that happened. Briefly two weeks later, the West Unit of the Scouting Legion managed to capture the Armored Titan. Lotte Metzger, my former classmate and a fellow cadet, was part of the plan to subdue this enemy… and suddenly, both of the most wanted fugitives ended in our custody. What a mad luck we had, really. The Titan Trio in dungeons, and defeated? It seemed almost too easy. 

My captain, Gustav Lindemann, was invited along with other leaders to a sudden meeting. Something important was happening. It must’ve been an urgent matter, and it must’ve regarded the Ape Titan. After all, the fugitives revealed they were threatened by that monster, and that they were forced to act the way they did because their families were held captive. 

I was left out because I got a task of my own, for which I volunteered. That task was watching over the Colossal Titan. 

While I understood Bertholdt’s motives, all his reasons and his feelings, I knew that it couldn’t diminish his guilt. He was responsible for many deaths, and he’ll eventually have to pay for all the damage he’d caused. He’d already started paying for it. I knew it, because I witnessed it myself. 

I was assigned to keep an eye on him, which wasn’t unusual procedure if we take into account that I assisted in his capturing. Commander probably felt that he could trust me, which was a great privilege, and I wasn’t going to betray that trust. So, I arrived in Utopia District urgently, only to find out he has already suffered a lot in the hands of other soldiers. He was questioned. Many times, by many different people. The North Unit members kept him in torture section for days, along with the remaining Military Police members who didn’t give up on their right to humiliate him. I was there to witness his pain, and no matter how strongly I wanted him to be punished for unintentionally killing my family, I felt miserable after seeing what he endured in the process. And it was just the beginning. 

All those soldiers were very violent towards him. His first keepers would take away his food and spill his water. They kept beating him up, hitting him hard, until his body bled, and his skin turned purple or black. They would’ve killed him if they only could, but his abilities to heal were more than great. Still, they’ve tried. They would beat him until he became unrecognizable. Deformed. Ruined. His face… his body… his everything. 

They’d broken his ribs, his limbs, his teeth. They’d cut his flesh off, cut into his intestines, and let him bleed until his regeneration started to naturally recover him. They even went that far to cut off his arms, and legs, several times. He was constantly bruised up and covered in blood. It was done in secrecy, in the midst of a night, and no one wanted to report it to our Major and the leader of the North Unit, lady Aurora Amsel. When she finally found out about his mistreatment, she was outraged. She punished some of those offenders for disobeying her direct orders, and she’d immediately informed Commander Smith about Bertholdt’s torments. The supreme commander didn’t want to allow it further, no matter how guilty Bert was… he’d decided to let the jury to define his penalty, and he assigned me to guard him, knowing I would control my emotions. 

When I first met Bertholdt after his downfall, I was shocked. I’ve opened his cell only to find him in the corner - he was shaking, expecting more pain. He left out a small cry, anxiously twitching as I was approaching and as my footsteps rung througout the stone cell floor. I fought the darkness of that room to fully recognize his shape. When I did, I felt completely horrified. It was like a scene from a nightmare. 

His robes were torn, and he had cuts and markings all over his almost bare torso. Tall as he was, he curled into a fetal position which showed me he was enduring a great amount of pain. He was breathing unequally, in a sharp way, like his lungs hurt anytime he inhaled for air. His face was swollen. He wasn’t able to see, his eyes were gouged. Those emerald, sad eyes weren’t there, only two deep, pitch black holes. I wanted to scream. Those who did this to him didn’t even bother to cover that horror. There was no blindfold. His arms were missing, as well as half of his teeth did. I shuddered when I saw him in that state. I fought the urge to vomit. He was lying on a small, wooden bed, like a giant, broken doll, chained via heavy shackles around his legs and his waist. I was shocked and outraged by the amount of retaliation of human kind. Indeed, he was a slaughterer, and murderer, that was all true… but he was enduring this kind of pain almost every day, and it didn’t seem right, not even for him. He’s suffered already, too much, and I felt horrified by how big monsters humans could be, when enraged. Were we truly that better than titans were? Were we the lesser monsters? When I saw that, I didn’t think so. 

I couldn’t imagine that pain inflicted on me. I don’t think I’d survive that, especially not without his strength and regeneration. He was broken, which also broke my heart along the way… but he’ll heal. That’s the advantage of being a titan shifter. Small fumes were rising from his damaged skin, from his eyes and from his complete body. He smelled awful. He sounded awful. I took him gently, caressing his face when I put the ceramic cup next to his lips, which were completely dry when I gave him to drink. I was still holding his head because he was unable to drink it himself.

He’s been dehydrated for days, he didn’t eat or sleep. He was damaged and every muscle in his body must have hurt like Hell. He was in a big mess, and I didn’t know what to feel after seeing him like that. I mean… I was shaken. I was sorry. Definitely. I think I even wanted to cry, but, I just couldn’t. I’ve also wanted to think that he’d deserved everything he’d got, but honestly, I didn’t at all in the end. He killed many because he was forced to. He was blackmailed to act that way, to destroy our Walls because his family would be killed otherwise. He was just a child. And soldiers of humanity tortured him because they wanted to, not because those were their orders. It’s a complete chaos. It’s unfair, and although I knew I won’t forgive him easily, I felt deeply saddened. He used to be my friend. My comrade. I’ve even fell in love with him before I knew what he was. So… I didn’t know what to feel anymore. I was just… tired and confused about everything. 

The water was clean, pretty cold and refreshing. He drunk it all in one sip. He left out one small, sharp gasp when I took the glass away, and refilled it for him to drink again. He took it, but his body twitched under my touch, like he expected to be hit or pushed again. 

“Easy now. I am not here to hurt you,” I said as kindly as I could. He recognized my voice, I knew he did… and he was surprised. He probably thought he’d never see me again, as I didn’t expect to see him before his trial, or even execution. His lips formed my name, and he wanted to make a sound… but he couldn’t. And I didn’t expect him to. 

“Don’t try to speak. Gather your strength, instead. Recover. I am here to watch over you,” I continued to comfort him. That was true. I was there to make sure no one else hurts him again, and to report about his behavior, and health state to the Scouting Legion.

Bertholdt regenerated fast, which was a blessing, considering how much damage he’d received. As expected, he was in a great pain. I was with him most of the time, but I needed sleep and food too. Whenever I wasn’t there, somebody would use that opportunity to molest him. I’d find him in another mess, because my comrades weren’t as empathetic as I was. The grudge humanity held against the Colossal Titan was big, deviant and poisonous. Although I could understand it too, I didn’t want him to spend his days suffering like this. I wouldn’t wish it to my biggest enemy, yet alone to the man I used to love with all of my heart. 

Therefore, I’ve asked Commander Smith to provide me with duty to keep guarding him alone. Just me, and nobody else. I’ve told him I’d take any responsibility and any risk, regarding Bertholdt. I mean, I wouldn’t be an exception – Lotte Metzger was signed to guard and observe Reiner Braun’s behavior. It wouldn’t be strange, or new. 

Commander could give me the same task without making a special case out of it. Besides, that seemed like the best solution for a while, until other soldiers realize he isn’t the threat to human kind anymore, and that he won’t hurt anyone else. They needed to grasp the idea Bertholdt Hoover won’t harm anyone, ever again. I will make sure of it, even if it means I kill him myself… but I don’t have to be a sadist and torture him as a berserker would just because he sinned against all of us. I don’t have to mutilate him to prove anything to anyone. Besides… his torturers aren’t doing it because it is fun. They do it because they are afraid. 

I really understand their perspective too. They want him to feel the pain, to suffer and to die, because he’s ruined so many lives. They hurt him because they are afraid of him, and his transformation. They know that, should he change, they’d be wiped out in an instant. They drug him with Hanji’s medications to prevent him from shifting, but what they aren’t aware of, is that they are building up his immunity to that drug daily, by overdosing him. When he gets immune, none of our weapons will work against the Colossal Titan. That’s why I needed to prevent it from happening. He must remain chained and in a dungeon, remain under our control by any means necessary. And so… I was guarding him. 

\- - - - -

I was reading a book, under the light of a nearby torch. It was lit earlier today and burned quite brightly but still couldn’t replace the sunlight which I’ve missed so much. I was uncomfortable on the small, wooden chair, and I was bored to death. Bertholdt was sleeping almost the whole day, and only woke up to take a glass of water. He was barely conscious.  

This time, he had all of his limbs, and teeth, which was miraculous comparing to past week. I was taking extra hours to keep him safe, and I felt tired because of that necessary, but very demanding decision. However, he finally regenerated well and seemed decently healthy. The only thing he lacked was sleep, but he was getting enough of it lately. Of course, he had me to thank for that, because I provided him with all the necessary care. It was just a matter of time until he fully wakes up, and we face each other like humans… in a lack of a better word. 

The book was dull. It barely kept my attention, because the writer constantly used some big words to look smart in the eyes of a reader, unaware he only did harm to his own work. I mean, if you write a book, you should write it in a way everyone could read it, and not for those who had an academic education to understand all the expressions you put there solely to impress those few. What a waste of paper, and print. 

“Romy?” I’ve heard his voice, and my heart skipped a beat. 

“I’m here,” I responded, closing the pages. I rose my head to see him standing in front of bars which divided us. Although he was chained, his shackles were long, so he could move a lot in that cell, but not too close to the exit. 

“Were… were you reading? D-did I… interrupt you?” he asked awkwardly, like he’d apologize instantly for his supposed “rudeness”. 

“No. It’s a boring book, I am just killing time with it. How… how are you doing? Are you thirsty?” I asked, standing up to face him properly. He seemed a bit pale, and exhausted. 

“No… Romy, I…” 

“Are you hungry? There’s a bit of bread and mash, and even some fruits for you if you want it.”

“I… I would like that, very much,” he said. I went to get it for him, six floors up, and then back to the underground basement where he was stationed. I brought him some water too, in a leather skinful. I said it was for me, otherwise they’d spit into his food or something. Bertholdt wasn’t everyone’s favorite prisoner. 

“Eat while it’s still warm,” I said, handing him a tray with food and a glass of water through a small opening on the door, where prisoners got all their portions. 

“You are kind to me, Romy… I don’t deserve it,” he mumbled. His hands were shaking while he was lifting the tray to his knees and started breaking the loaf of bread between his fingers. 

We had to talk about it, eventually… about our conversation short before he fainted because of his blood loss, once we captured him. He confessed to me. Literally confessed he’d always liked me, even when he rejected me. He did it for my own sake, to avoid hurting me. I didn’t know anything about him… about what he was, or how difficult it must’ve been for him to hide his identity from everyone else. Of how hard it must’ve been to love someone like me, even when he told me that it was so easy. Why did he tell me that? Because he thought Levi will kill him? Because he believed it was his last chance? I don’t know. I was staring at him, wondering what to say. 

“Annie is fine. She’s still in her crystal, and won’t wake up. But, she breathes, and sleeps peacefully. You don’t have to worry about her,” I told him, knowing he’d be interested to hear about her. She was his first love, after all… and in the same situation as him, as well. 

“That’s… that’s good, I guess. What about Reiner? Is he…” 

“Captured. Didn’t they tell you?” I asked, referring to soldiers. 

“I wasn’t sure whether they were telling me that to provoke me, or hurt me, or something. I hoped he escaped,” Bertholdt was sincere. 

“He’s in another section of this basement. His cell is similar to this one. We are keeping you two apart, to avoid any possible threat. Lotte guards him.” 

Bertholdt sighted. “It must have been difficult for her. How is she doing?” 

“Well, they are both looking quite well, after everything they’ve both been through,” I said. Reiner was beaten up too, but he was another type comparing to Bertholdt. He fought back. He didn’t let his guilt get in a way of his own self-respect, as Bert did. Three of his guards were hospitalized before Lotte asked for that task. Reiner was a true fighter and didn’t give a damn for his torturers’ opinions. He didn’t allow them to molest him, and he beat the crap out of those who tried. I wish Bertholdt did that too. I wish that, just once in his life, Bert stood for himself. 

“I am glad to hear they are fine,” he said weakly. He bit a piece of bread, and started chewing. He was breathing heavily. The spoon between his fingers fell onto the floor, and he reached for it. The wound on his chest reopened, and the blood started flowing again, painting his rugs in crimson. 

That’s when I’ve locked the cell up and went in, pulling my bag along the way. This wasn’t the first time his regeneration failed him. I mean, I knew he’d heal, but this was some kind of… delay. Possibly because of Hanji’s drug. This could be the side effect. That drug prevented him from shifting, but it also seemed to prevent him from healing properly. 

“Here. Let me help you,” I said, removing remains of something which used to be a shirt. I’ve opened my bag and found a bottle with alcohol and bandages. His skin was bloody, and warm, and I’ve suddenly realized I am going to nurse wounded, half naked Bertholdt. Well, I’ve no time to feel ashamed. That crap can wait for some other time, when the situation isn’t serious like this one. 

He looked dierctly at me, something I didn’t expect… and in a moment, his gaze was sharp. Almost, like he was angry. 

“You shouldn’t, Romy. You better leave me… because I don’t deserve your help. Or your kindness, for that matter. I am a monster. A murderer. These hands… they are covered in blood; the blood of the innocent people. I am a trash, and you should just leave me to rot.” 

“Yeah… I should. You are all of those things. But you’ve been through a lot lately, so I won’t be the one to torture you further. You’ve had your share for now,” I’ve said, taking those bloody hands of his and looking at them. He shook his head. “I don’t deserve… to be helped… or forgiven,” he whispered, and I didn’t have a time for his self loathing. 

“Take this. Bite into it,” I said, giving him a small wooden piece. It was to relieve him of a pain I would inflict on him now. “It’s going to sting. A lot,” I warned, sipping the alcohol on fabric. He just nodded, prepared. I mean, there isn’t anything painful I could do that he hasn’t already endured. I couldn’t sedate him, because he already had one drug inside his system. 

I pressed the fabric onto his torso, where his wound reopened. He arched his back, forcefully, but that was just a moment. After he grew to that pain, he calmed down, and let me repeat it again. I was cleaning his blood, his wound, and all other cuts I’ve seen. After that, I wrapped the bandage around his torso, preventing myself from blushing like a jerk. This wasn’t the time, and definitely wasn’t a place for me to behave like that. He pulled the wooden piece out of his mouth, and took a deep sip of water. I’ve finished with his bandage, secured the knot, and put my tools into the bag. 

“Romy… can I ask you something?” he started, not looking into my eyes. He was looking somewhere far away. 

“Sure,” I’ve responded. He sighted. 

“When are they… going to kill me?” To kill him? Well, I couldn’t answer that. I didn’t know what will happen. 

“There will be a trial… and…”

“That’s only a farce. You know it. I will die no matter what. I was just… interested to know when. Or how. Anything to prepare myself. I… I am not a brave man, Romy… I need to prepare for something like that. To look brave in my final moments, at least…” 

“Hush. Please. Let’s not talk about those things,” I said, feeling a strange pinch inside my throat. Like I will cry any second now.  

“Not talking about it doesn’t mean it won’t happen, you know,” he said. He buried his face into his hands, tired. 

“Ask me something else, then. Anything is better than that,” I admitted. 

“I am afraid to ask you, because I fear I already know the answer.” 

“Try it, anyway. I will try to be honest,” I said. 

However, he didn’t ask me anything further. He just… leaned towards me, as far as his shackles allowed him. He pulled my occiput, and got me very, very close to him. He was staring at me, unsure if he should do it or not. I didn’t know what to do either… I felt a sudden panic, and my heart was beating loudly in my ears. His hands were hot. Warm, and welcoming on my face. He caressed my cheek before he pressed his lips onto mine, inhaling my breath along the way. I’ve never, ever imagined I’d be kissed this way. It was tender, and bitter, and I’ve never imagined it’d happen in an underground cell, or that he’d be shackled and charged with treason. But here we are. 

“I am… I am sorry…” he whispered, when he saw I wasn’t responding. 

“N-no… you…”

“Romy… I am sorry. It’s only because I love you that I am being so selfish with you. I am sorry, it won’t happen again,” he said. “I just… didn’t want to die without knowing how… how it would feel…” Feel? My God. What the hell are we doing? 

“You fool,” I whispered, “don’t apologize.” 

That’s when he dared to kiss me again, and this time, he wasn’t the only one. I’ve kissed him back, unsure how, but I did. Before he dies, I want at least one memory of him, of his touch. I want something to remember, anything… no matter how foolish, or forbidden. 

I know I am not supposed to. I know his sin is big, and that he shouldn’t be forgiven, but… I want to sin too, just this once. I love him, after all. Is it too much to ask?

His lips are tender. Soft. His touch feels nice. Just for a moment, I can imagine we are normal couple, not soldiers… and not enemies. Just me, and him. 

After that kiss, we didn’t talk for a while. I guess there wasn’t much to say. 

“Lie down here with me… just until I fall asleep. Will you?” he asked. I would, it’s not like there were any people coming down here except when I’ve asked them to. Therefore, I’ve lied down, took that strange, foolish man in my arms… and it was the first time in a very long time that Bertholdt Hoover slept peacefully.


	2. Crimson Fingers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pain is the best way to discipline someone... or so they say.

**_Warning: This story contains spoilers, a hint of sexual, and some gore scenes (not much, though, so no mature filter). Consider yourselves warned._ **

**PART 2**

I was being punished. There was no other explanation for what I was going through. When you sin, and you are aware that you do wrong, you know what you can expect afterwards. Every sin has a price. But I wasn’t ready for this. 

The thick, macabre darkness filled a large void, and I was standing right in the middle of it. I didn’t know how I got there, I just found myself surrounded by something very, very cold. My body was freezing, and I was shaking, trying to get myself warm by putting my hands around my torso. But, the darkness swallowed me. I remember I wanted to scream, but no words came out my mouth. I just knew that nobody would hear my voice in there. No one will ever look for me. I was completely, without doubt lost… and alone. I’ve tried to move, to run… anything… but I was petrified. 

_“Romy…”_ an eerie whisper spread through the abyss. It once belonged to someone very dear to me, but now, it was just a tragic echo that no longer had human form. It was only a shadow now, a shape made of black mist, and dust. _“Romy…”_

What do you want? Why are you here? Why are you calling for me? Is it my time already? 

I’ve had so many questions I’ve wanted to ask, so many things I’ve wanted to say to him… but no words came out. I was staring at shape that once was Marco, and I felt miserable. Like I did something unforgivable. 

_“Romy…”_ the shade was levitating around me, and I’ve seen Marco’s features clearly now. It didn’t make him any less spooky. _“Why, Romy?”_

I am sorry… I am so, so sorry, Marco…

_“You… betrayed... me…”_

It was just a kiss. Nothing big. I didn’t even have a chance to date him or anything. 

_“You betrayed us all…”_

The abyss… consisted entirely of shadows. They were all imitation of humans, or rather, they were ghosts of people. All of them were deceased. All of them… were my fallen comrades. Some of those people I’ve never seen before, but I knew they were dead too. I’ve seen them all so clearly now, so well I wished I could un-see them. I felt my eyes burn. The sharp pain pierced through my heart, as I’ve felt chilly tears flow out of my eyes. No. I didn’t betray anyone, I’ve fought for humanity and did the best I could for them. For us. I am a human too. Don’t they know that? 

_“Romy…”_ , I’ve heard the echo of my older sister, Nina. _“He killed us all…”_  
She was shielding my younger sister Gerda, like she was trying to protect her from me. Gerda turned her head away, like she couldn’t stand the sight before her. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. Someone else did instead of her. 

_“Romy…”_ , my mother was sobbing, her face deformed from pain. I couldn’t stand to look at her, that’s how ashamed I was. She held my brother Josiah in her arms. Mimicking the way I was carrying him while running towards the arks. I froze. He never made it. He was crying, screaming every bit I wasn’t able to, and that sound ruined my ears. _“… he’s a monster.”_

I know. I know. But, he was forced to… he didn’t mean to… he wasn’t aware… 

But he was aware. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

_“Get away… run!”_ someone yelled at me.

Suddenly, I’ve felt a presence. He was as pale as death, his skin as white as chalk. He was naked, and unbelievably tall. He was walking through all those shadows, through the darkness he's created… and he walked proudly, with arrogance which could suit the God of Death himself. His eyes were sharp, and filled with pride. He wasn’t scared of anything anymore… he was victorious. He only pretended to be weak in front of humans, wore that image like a mask. But he was unbelievably strong. It was his triumph over humanity that led him to be so arrogant, so cruel… and so evil. 

He was walking, and with each step, my heart froze a bit more. This proud god brought out the fear and desperation hidden deep inside me. In contrast to his pale body, his hands were colored in crimson liquid - all up to his elbows. The blood was dripping from his fingers as he moved towards me. 

As he approached me, I felt so… small. Powerless. The fire gleamed in those feisty emerald eyes, and the beauty of their color mesmerized me. No one in this world shone as brightly as he did. No one was stronger than him. No one… could rival him. All those sad souls… were nothing comparing to the God of Death. 

_“Run, you foolish girl!”_ a choir of strong, deep, and threatening voices warned me. But I couldn’t run. I couldn’t even move. 

He raised one of those crimson fingers, and touched my face. I’ve felt how sheer panic fills my lungs, and stomach. He lowered his thumb onto my lips, and pressed it against them. He traced them, leaving metallic taste in my mouth. 

_**“… you are so easy to love, after all…”**_ , he whispered, before he pulled me into a kiss. It was violent. Forceful. Painful. It was hot, demanding and enticing. It was bloody, and even more blood filled my mouth as his tongue battled mine. That blood overflowed my mouth, and I started choking. He started chuckling. 

His long, crimson hand dug deep between my breasts, and pulled something out. Brutally fast, and equally painful. 

_“He’s a MONSTER!”_ a million voices echoed throughout the abyss, and I’ve finally managed to scream, along with them. That scream was loud, and it tore my throat. The God of Death who wore Bertholdt’s face just smiled. He did it coldly, viciously, before he looked into my warm, beating heart, still ticking in his palm. It made three more ticks before he squeezed it… brought it closer to his lips… and bit into it. It bursted between his teeth. I was disgusted. I wanted to vomit. 

The Colossal Titan rose as I fell on my knees, with a hole formed in place where my heart once was. It was empty. And black. It started spreading throughout my whole chest… until I was no more… until I became a shadow… and… 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” 

“ROMY!” 

I couldn’t wake up. I wouldn’t. And because of that, someone was shaking me. That ‘someone’ was Bertholdt, obviously, but I needed a moment to process it. I’ve finally opened my eyes. 

“Romy, are you ok?” he asked, while I was trying to cope with two separate ideas of Bert before me. This one was real. I suppose. I blinked once or twice, still a bit… disoriented. 

“God… you’ve scared me.” 

He was holding me tightly, and I was trying to escape his grasp, still under the influence of my nightmare. Bertholdt’s face was the last one I’ve wanted to see right now, but he really had nothing to do with the macabre phantasm from my dream. Well, not nothing… he had a lot to do with it, but the situation is far more complex. I need to focus.

My mind was playing tricks with me. My guilt, my pain and my conscience did this to me, and I was absolutely aware it was just a projection of my own thoughts and fears… but it still hurt me. And haunted me. The idea of a monster behind the man that Bertholdt was… brought this onto me… and I wasn’t sure I could handle it. 

I can’t believe I’ve fallen asleep like that… and so soon after he did. I’ve held him before he closed his eyes and dozed off, tired from his medications and regeneration. I remember striking his hair. It was surprisingly soft to my touch. I was looking at his face and hugging his broad shoulders before I’ve finally let my own fatigue consume me. 

It was supposed to last for a moment, one brief moment until I gather my strength… and I’d go back to my duties again. But, something kept me close to him. A strong urge to hold him, to feel the warmth of his skin against mine, to feel his hair between my fingers, and comfort him… or, rather… to comfort myself. I don’t know whether it has been love… or pity… or even desire… or it was a bit of everything, mixed in a large dose of mess, which threatened to destroy me. I was driven to Bertholdt like a moth to a flame, long before all of this happened. 

I’ve just briefly closed my eyes before that damned nightmare snuck in, wrecking havoc in my mind. He surely tried to wake me up, and fast… but had difficulties. If his dreams were half as bad as mine were, it’s no wonder he didn’t manage to sleep much either. 

“Are you all right?” he asked in a concerned manner. His arms were still around me. They were strong, and secure, in a way Bertholdt has never been. But something about me triggered that part of him, I guess, and he didn’t want to let me go until he was sure I was ok. 

Sometimes, I wished… that I’ve never found about his dark secret. That he fell for me before he fell for Annie, and that I liked him way before I liked Marco. I’ve maybe even wanted that our story happened like it happened to Reiner and Lotte. Those two simply let their feelings guide them. Reiner was brave to risk everything when he started dating her. He knew the danger of being exposed, of being caught… but Lotte won him over. With her kindness, I suppose. With her gentleness, and her pure heart, and with her love for him. Somehow, in the end, he loved her more than he was supposed to. She was his downfall. 

However, before that… they had some beautiful moments… a precious time they’ve spent together. They had their laughs, teasing, flirts, hugs, all those small things that made their love blossom. He was hers, and she was his, and the whole world knew about it. I even envied them a little, back then. I wanted the same for me and Bertholdt, but he was… distant. Unapproachable. He was smarter, and more careful than Reiner, never risking to be involved with a girl like me, because he knew it would damage him. And damage me too. He was cautious, and so was I - nobody ever knew I liked him, or that he liked me. I didn’t even know about it until just recently… he hid it so well. He even rejected me when I confessed to him – rejected me for my own sake… and I finally understood it was the best thing he could do for me. He was protecting me… from himself. From this pain. 

When I look at it that way, Bertholdt wasn’t selfish. He just couldn’t bear the guilt, and still be with me. And in his own, twisted way, he was honest, and kind to me. He did the best he could, and so did I. I guess our story is just fine just the way it is. I don’t think I’d switch places with Lotte, even if that was possible. Everything happens for a reason; I guess me and Bertholdt didn’t have anything because it was the best for both of us. It will lessen my pain when he’s gone. 

“I am fine now, you can let go,” I said. I was still shaky, but he figured that the worst part was over. So, he let me go indeed. I was surprised by the amount of force he had to use to calm me down. My arms were bruised, and now hurt in places he was holding me. I know he didn’t do it intentionally – it wasn’t a big deal, but it was my behavior that worried me. 

“I am sorry, I went too far… but you wouldn’t wake up, and it seemed like you had some kind of seizure… and I didn’t know what to do…” 

“It’s all right, Bertholdt. It really is.” 

But, my head and my eyes hurt. It wasn’t all right at all. I’ve realized I was all sweaty. (He has been too, but that was nothing unusual for him. For me, it was a clear sign that something was terribly wrong, and that I’ve suffered a great deal of stress). A seizure, huh? Was it… a panic attack or something? 

Well, whatever it was… it couldn’t be anything good. As far as I knew, I wasn’t epileptic or anything, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve caught some kind of mental illness. After all deaths and all traumatic experiences I’ve had, it would be a miracle if I was still normal. 

“Was it… about… Marco?” Betholdt asked, almost shyly. 

“Why would it be about Marco?” I asked defensively, not wanting to share with him that horrid dream I had… not wanting to admit that he was the antagonist in it. But Bertholdt knew, from the moment I opened my eyes. 

“You’ve… mentioned him,” he simply answered. “You said that you were sorry.” 

Really? I’ve talked that much? “You need to understand… this is very difficult for me.” Well, I’ve never asked for this. And I won’t apologize, because Bert was partially guilty for my state of mind.

“I know it must be. They still haunt my dreams, you know,” Bertholdt admitted, rising up from that small, uncomfortable bed we were sharing. I did it too. 

“They? Marco too?” it was my turn to ask. 

“All of them, of those I have killed. I see them, their faces. I hear their voices… whenever I close my eyes. They are waiting for me… they are blaming me… and judging me,” he whispered. He almost cried, but he covered his eyes so I wouldn’t see his tears. 

“Marco. I know you loved him. I am sorry for everything I’ve done. I didn’t mean to... I didn’t want to… but I did it all the same,” he repeated, like many, many times before - and I still didn’t know how to respond. It was all still fresh. 

“I deserved everything those soldiers did to me… every beating, every mutilation, every humiliation, and all of that anger, that rage of theirs… is justified. I deserve a thousand times more, and I would still not atone. I don’t think I could atone for my sins if I lived for a thousand years more.” I wanted to say something, but… 

He touched my face, now looking directly in my eyes. 

“I deserved everything I’ve got, Romy.” 

“We’ve already been through this, Bert. You don’t have to do this to yourself again…”

“Please, I need to say it. I need you to hear it, one last time,” he asked. I sighed, but then nodded. For some reason, Bertholdt needed to say it out loud again. 

“What I know… is that I am grateful you are here… with me. It brings me comfort. It makes me… feel like a lesser monster than I am. Makes me feel like I can have my own ray of happiness, no matter how small and how short it may be. You are making me calm, Rosemarie Sohner, and you are making me happy. And, as long as you are by my side, I think I can handle anything they do to me… including that death sentence. I will go peacefully if you are there for me.”

Does he even listen to himself? Is he aware how hard this already is for me? What a selfish man. 

“You… can’t ask something like that from me,” I said, on the verge of crying myself. I didn’t want to go to his execution, didn’t even want to think about it, yet alone to witness it. No matter how bad he deserved it, I don’t think I could stomach watching his death. 

“Yeah… it’s the truth. I can’t ask something like that from you. After all, I’ve killed your family. I’ve killed your comrades… our comrades. I… I am a traitor… and a coward. To ask something like that from you… it’s too much. It’s wrong… and I have no right.” He turned his head, removed his palm from my face, and made a distance… before I pulled him towards me, hugging him under his arms, around his waist. God, he was so tall… and he was so big comparing to me. 

“It’s too much,” I whispered. “I’ll say it now, because we’ve always been friends before everything went straight to Hell. Once, you were my confidant, and once, I trusted you. In the name of things we were, I will admit something to you. But, when I say it, you’ll forget it, like I never said anything - because it won’t change our situation.”

He nodded this time, and I was the one to take a deep breath. 

“You’ve hurt me so bad that I don’t even know why I am feeling this way for you. I am not supposed to. God knows you don’t deserve it, and that I mustn’t love you. But I do, and in spite of everything - even when I am perfectly aware I shouldn’t, I still love you _so damn much_. And that’s exactly why I don’t think I can watch you perish before my eyes, Bertholdt Hoover. It would destroy me,” I’ve admitted. Out loud. I’ve realized I never told him this directly - at least, not after the revelation that he was the Colossal Titan. This was like a confession all over again, unnecessary, and hurtful, but still relieving in a way. 

I’ve already lost everyone I’ve ever loved. I wouldn’t stand it once more, I don’t think I am that strong. Besides, I was already so afraid of his trial… of his sentence. It will just determine the way to kill him. Would it be hanging? Cannonading? Shooting? Whatever they choose, I can’t stand it. Moreover, I don’t want to think about it more than I already do. It drives me insane. 

My way to deal with this, is to simply live in denial. I know, it’s the crappiest plan I’ve ever thought of, but it’s the only way I know to survive his death. If I don’t witness it, I can pretend he went somewhere far, far away. Maybe even to his homeland. I can imagine that he isn’t dead, that he found happiness, and that for once, he isn’t anxious, alienated, or worried. I can pretend that somewhere far away, he is at piece. And forgiven. And loved. 

“I love you too. I love you so much,” he whispered, as he hugged me back, caressing the locks of my crimson hair. “I am so sorry you had to suffer because of me… and that you still do… I am sorry… I…”

“Stop being sorry already,” I whispered back. I squeezed him, tightly. Warmly. He was so comfortable. We were hugging for a while, and I wanted to stay like that forever.

However, my duties were my duties, and no matter how strongly I felt for him, he was still a prisoner, and a mass murderer. And I was someone commander Erwin entrusted with this task. I mustn’t disappoint him just because I got overemotional.

Therefore, I let go of Bert, wiping my tears off. It was time for his bath, and for his regular, anti-transformation drug. And I had to sleep, to gather my strength back… and to revert to Romy Sohner who always puts her mind before her emotions. I desperately needed her… to keep me sane. 

“Time to forget, Hoover,” I announced. He saluted me in a standard way, by placing his hand on his heart. Yes, it was time to forget… and a time to pretend. But damn me if I knew it would be so hard.


	3. Value Of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extreme violence requires extreme retaliation. But what happens if you don't fight at all?

**_Warning: This story contains spoilers, and scenes of death (not much, so no mature filter either). Consider yourselves warned._ **

**PART 3**

They went too far this time. I didn’t even think it was possible, yet they proved me wrong. I was absent for an hour… _barely_ an hour, in which I’ve tried to get some real sleep… and that’s when it happened.

I was on a constant watch over prisoner Hoover, like always, day and night, for weeks without any incident. In that time, he has completely recovered - his strength returned, his body seemed fine, he slept quite a lot, ate well, endured the medical examination and treatments with patience… and even his sweating degraded quite a bit since he was captured. It must have been a biological reaction, naturally developed due to the burden he was carrying for so long. Anyway, prisoner Hoover was fine, but I should have known that it was all too good to be true.

His recovery didn’t make everyone as happy as it made me. That evening, I took some time off to get a bloody hour of sleep, and left him with Lara Sieler, a member of the North Unit of the Scouting Legion. She was my replacement before, and nothing bad happened to him on her watch. I had a certain degree of confidence to leave Bertholdt in her hands during my absence.  

Therefore, imagine my shock when she came to wake me up, with face covered in tears, bruises, and scratches. Her body was roughed up too. She put up a good fight before she got to me, shaking from sobs. I was still sleepy when she stormed in, her voice trembling from panic and pain when she spoke  to me. She was highly upset. 

“C-cadet Sohner, you need t-to return… f-fast…”

“What happened?” I asked, alarmed by her appearance and her words. I got up, putting my brown jacket on and double-checked for the number of maneuver gear blades. I was hoping I won’t need them, but the situation might require me to spill blood… _human_ blood this time.

“They… they came and… and… they told me to o-open up the dungeon. I said it wasn’t an option, b-but they outnumbered me… they had g-guns, and… they… said that I will be considered his ally if I don’t step back… and…” 

“By ‘them’, you mean soldiers,” I concluded, “and by the looks of it… they were from the Military Police.” If they had guns, they must have been from that section. Only the green-horse brigade could carry the firearms around without problems. I’ve taken my steel dagger and inserted it in my boot. I might need that one too. Lara nodded. 

“They were cloaked… it was dark. I could not see their faces well. They had the MP sign on their backs, though… they told me to step back… but I refused, and…”

“Calm down, cadet Sieler. I’ve got this.” Or, I hope so, at least. I mean, it won’t be the first time I have to defend Bertholdt from rage - blinded soldiers who’d gauge his eyes out. So far, I’ve managed to rationalize with some of them, but somehow… I felt it will be different this time. I will have to use force instead of words.

“Why didn’t you go straight to Major Amsel?” I asked. 

“You were closer… I am going to inform her now. I was… I just needed someone to head back to him until I bring her here… because… prisoner Hoover is being tortured and beaten, again… and this time… it’s very serious… I think he might…”

“He won’t.” I wanted to believe that. He can’t die just yet. 

“They brought the rope, Romy,” she whispered, and the blood in my veins froze with that statement.

“Bring lady Amsel. Hurry!” With that, I rushed toward the dungeons. My legs hurt from the amount of speed I used to get there. The shortage of my breath caused a sharp pain in my lungs yet I was running, far and down, into the darkness. 

They are trying to kill him before his trial. They want to completely deny him the possibility to be spared or even released, although the chances for that were minimal. But, no matter how low, those chances still existed, and nobody wanted someone as dangerous as the Colossal Titan to run away freely after the massacre of humankind. 

Another possibility for these assaults on Bertholdt were the information he possessed.

Maybe the Military Police possessed the information which were never revealed to the Scouting Legion, but Bertholdt found them out due to Annie’s affiliation? Maybe he knew something the Government didn’t want him to expose on his trial. Maybe some of the nobles were involved with his faction, and now wanted to cover it up. Maybe these soldiers were just hired to kill him, and who knows who stands behind their actions. 

These things happened before… so why wouldn’t they happen again?

Whatever the case… I couldn’t just let them execute him in the middle of the night, after all the trouble we’ve gone to capture him. Commander Smith, Corporal Levi, Captain Lindemann… I mustn’t fail them. I also mustn’t fail Bertholdt. He deserves a chance to defend himself… and not to be murdered like this. 

By the time I’ve got into the dungeon, they had already left. The door were unlocked. And what I found there… was another scene from my nightmares. I screamed. 

His body was risen high in the air. I could see his feet from where I was standing… and he wasn’t moving. He was hanging from a noose, but they didn’t hang him properly… his neck didn’t snap, so he was suffocating, and it was a matter of seconds before he chokes to death. 

I immediately activated my 3DMG. I cut down the rope, taking his body in my arms before he fell. I was on the verge of hysteria. The madness threatened to consume me. I was already torn between the love I felt for this man, and the loyalty towards the human race. Now, they clashed, loud and hard, and almost split me in half. I had to choose whose side I am on, but I simply couldn’t decide. My mind was focused on humanity, since I was human… but my heart desperately desired Bertholdt. Desired him to be with me, no matter the consequences. I couldn’t fight it anymore. And while I didn’t know what to chose from these two things, for the heart and mind were both strong in me... I knew that I can’t let him die like this. No. Please… God… or whoever it is… 

“B… Bert? Can you hear me?” I asked, and my voice sounded like it belonged to someone else. To someone squeamish and weak. To someone who was crying. I was removing the knot, moving that damn thing from his neck… but… 

“Bert… come on… please…”

My fingers were trembling. The rope left deep, red traces on his skin. He didn’t breathe anymore. This isn’t happening. It’s… too soon. 

“Bert, talk to me… come on… Bert…”

He didn’t respond. I am probably too late. 

“Bert, stop it, I am scared…” I whispered, massaging his neck to fasten the blood flowing into his brain. If I am late… even if he survives this… he will probably have a brain damage of some sort. I’ve inhaled deeply, and started giving him breath via mouth. I didn’t know what else to do. His lips felt cold. His face too. I wanted… I wanted… 

“You can’t die on me, Bertholdt Hoover!” I punched him into his chest. “We agreed! You fool, we agreed that I won’t be the one to watch you die!” I practically screamed at him. God… no… God. NO!

I’ve run my hands through my hair, pulling the locks. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was biting my lips, over and over again. This must be a nightmare. Another nightmare of mine and I will wake up, because this was too absurd to be true. 

I’ve blinked once, twice, defying the tears. If this was a dream, I couldn’t wake up. 

“We agreed…” I’ve repeated, as if those words could revert time… “we _agreed_ …”

If only I didn’t leave this place… if I stayed… he would still be alive. I’ve pulled my hands around my shoulders, because my chest hurt. I was staring at his pale face. What will I do, now? How am I supposed to live with this pain? 

_I love you… and that’s why I don’t think I can watch you perish before my eyes, Bertholdt Hoover. It would destroy me._ At least… I told him how I’d feel about his departure. At least, I confessed to him before he left me all alone in this world. And knowing that he heard those words before he died… brought me a slight comfort. However, something inside of me… broke without repair. 

“And I’ve told you it would destroy me…” I sobbed, muffling the sounds with my sleeve. 

Suddenly… his fingertips moved. He… tried to breathe, desperately inhaling the air, but it seemed troublesome. Then, he exhaled, and coughed out a few times, getting his fingers on those red traces around his neck. The tears got into his eyes after. He looked at me, confused, disoriented. The rope was cut down, thrown on the floor. The handcuffs and other chains which served to sustain Bertholdt were on the bed. 

“Ro… Romy?” his voice was gagging when he tried to form word, but he recognized me… and that was a good sign, I guess.

“I am here, it’s over now…” I took his hand, and touched his face. To feel the warmth in it again. I was so grateful… so overwhelmed that I didn’t know how to behave. What to say. I was just… glad that he was alive. 

“… Romy... w-water…”  

“The help is on its way. Hold on just a bit longer,” I hugged him, unable to leave his side. I didn’t know what might happen if I depart once more. I will just… have to wait for Lara or Aurora to come and ask them to bring some water for Bertholdt. I just can’t abandon him now.

“… Romy, I…” 

“I will find them… these bastards who did this to you,” I said. Even if Lara didn’t see their faces… I will find them anyway. And I will make sure they pay for everything they did.  

“Let it go… it doesn’t matter,” he said. “It doesn’t matter…” 

What was this fool talking about? 

“It does! They nearly killed you! They went against their strict orders!”  
He coughed once again, before speaking. 

“I don’t care, I deserved it…”

“And how long are you going to let them do whatever they want? How long do you intend to hide behind that guilt of yours?”

“You… don’t understand… you can’t.”

“Did you even put up a fight against them?” I asked, enraged by his behavior. I would have slapped him, but couldn’t risk to harm him further. 

“What’s the point? Tonight, or tomorrow, whatever the case… I am a dead man.”

“Dead man _breathing_ , and I would like you to stay that way for as long as it is possible!”

“I… only bring you pain. You should have let them…”

“Let them what? Just shut up, you fool. You allowed them hang you like… like… you were a sack of meat! I can’t forgive you for that! I will never forgive you for that!” I screamed at him, pretty upset, and I thought I had right to throw at him whatever I wanted. The Hell! 

Footsteps were approaching. I’ve pulled out my blade, aiming for the visitor. If this _pathetic worm_ won’t fight for _his own life_ , I will. And I will fight them all alone, if required. 

“Cadet Sohner, you may lower your blade,” the soft tone belonged to lady Amsel, who entered the cell with Lara, and a few other cadets from the North Unit. 

“Ma’am… things got out of control. He was about to be hanged, so… I…”

“I know,” Aurora got a good look at Bertholdt. “I was alerted. The perpetrators are being chased, as we located some of them while they were running from the fort. I’ve sent my people after them. Commander Smith won’t be pleased to hear that soldiers tried to take the matter into their hands before the official trial,” lady Amsel seemed oddly calm. 

“Well, they were from the Military Police, after all. They are known for their corruption,” Lara sighted. Lady Amsel thought about it for a few seconds. 

“Or they wanted us to think they belonged to that section. Something tells me there’s more to it.” 

She approached me and Bertholdt, and gave him a hand. He took it, and she helped him to stand up.

“Cadet Sieler… go fetch him a dinner. The boy needs to eat. Oh, and… give him something to drink too,” she said, and Lara went to obey her order. I was glad I didn’t have to ask it like a favor or something. Aurora’s kindness moved me. 

“What are we going to do with you, Hoover?” she asked, taking a sit on his bed, her hands crossed between her knees. He didn’t dare to look her in the eyes. 

“I am sorry for causing such a trouble for you, ma’am,” he finally said.

“You’ve never been much of a fighter, have you? The armored one fights all the time,” she noted. “Make no mistake, I prefer obedient prisoners. But you are too passive. Like you’ve already surrendered.” 

I couldn’t have said those things better.

“I am not trying to encourage you to try anything stupid, now… I am just curious about your behavior. Do you even value your life, Hoover?” she asked him. He didn’t respond.

“Well, you better start, boy. Erwin wants you alive for a trial, so I will keep you alive. But, to accomplish that… I will have to move you from the prison, until we investigate soldiers who attacked you.” 

She is doing… what?

“Ma’am… he isn’t allowed to leave the premises…” I started, but lady Amsel shook her head.

“He is, if I give him the permission. We will do it now, as soon as he eats. I can’t risk another attack on him, and right now, I don’t have all the necessary force to give you to assist you in the task of guarding this man. So, I will just remove Hoover for the time being… and I will have you watch over him, like you always do. You’ve proved to be the fittest person for that job.” 

“Thank you, ma’am. I will do my best,” I’ve responded, placing my fist on my heart. If he has to die… he will die in the right time. In the right place. Not in darkness of his cell, hanged by the cowards who didn’t dare to show their faces while beating a girl and a handcuffed man. 

And then, it occurred to me. The real reason why they wanted him dead. Behind this attack… it wasn’t just the Military Police. Those were… the titan shifters he has mentioned before, on his pre-trial hearings. The information must’ve gotten to them… and they wanted to get rid of him before he points the finger. Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie supposedly could tell who were shifters amongst human, if given enough time. 

And even if he still didn’t know their names, or ranks, or status… Bertholdt was a threat. 

That’s why they want him dead so desperately.

“Good girl, cadet Sohner,” Major Amsel smiled, and I was sure she figured this out a lot faster than I did. There was this… glow in her eyes which suggested she knew exactly what I was thinking in that moment. “You are a _very_ good girl.”


	4. Major Interference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving prison is harder than it seems.

**_Warning: This story contains manga spoilers. Consider yourselves warned._ **

**PART 4**

Cadet Sieler showed up with food and water, accompanied by other soldiers who served under lady Amsel. There were seven members of the North Unit when they gathered in the cell, including Lara and Aurora… which meant we could take anyone who attempts another assault on our prisoner. However, the chances that the culprits would return were almost zero, and frankly, I doubt we will hear more about them soon.

I’ve found out that, upon her arrival, lady Amsel sent her best soldiers after the supposed Military Police members who wanted to harm Bert. I expect the trail went cold… but no matter how cold it gets, the ‘chameleon’ soldiers (I better call them spies or monitors, since their true purpose was to spy the Government and suspicious people within Walls on Erwin’s behalf) were there to warm it up, or to search for new leads and suspects. 

“Commander Smith will be displeased. Are you sure that you want to do this without consulting him first?” Lara sounded worried about her leader. 

“He will have to understand. And if he doesn’t… well, I will deal with him in the due time. First things first,” Aurora shrugged her shoulders. She decided to follow her original plan and move Bertholdt into another place until they solve this case. So, after pretty rushed dinner, Bertholdt got to change his rugs into decent clothes. Soldiers brought military robe for our prisoner, including the Scouting Legion covering cloaks. He was reluctant while taking the uniform… and it was no wonder. It must have been a difficult thing to do after everything that happened between us. 

Lady Amsel watched through the iron bars into the darkness. The small, orange light of the nearest torch illuminated her face. It was serious, and she was quiet. She was thinking about our options, and whether her decision was the right one… but the plan was already in motion, and now, there was no going back.

“I want to make something clear, boy… what we are doing here isn’t mercy. We aren’t good Samaritans, we are just a bunch of soldiers who follow simple orders. No more, and no less. I am armed, as well as my cadets here. We won’t let you escape or assist you with anything which goes against our military policy. If you try to run, or fight against us, we will take you down. I won’t give this warning twice. We will shoot you on spot if you try to do anything which might compromise us. Therefore, to prevent and avoid such unfortunate events… I will require your firm word as a gentleman that you won’t try to do anything stupid during this mission.”

She was still staring in the distance when she spoke to him. Bertholdt put the cloak over his shoulders, and buttoned it. He saluted Aurora in our standard way, and spoke softly. 

“You… you have my word… I won’t do anything wrong. I… I promise.”

“Good.”

I took a good look at him, all dressed-up and surrounded by the Scouting Legion soldiers… and I felt something like a minor twist in my stomach. It was a mixture of sadness, of certain melancholy, and regret for things that could have been, but will never happen. I miss the lie he was living while he pretended to be one of us. I missed the _soldier_ Bertholdt, and his current outfit reminded me of everything he used to be before the great escape. 

“Hurry up, everyone. The time is running out,” lady Amsel reminded us. The NU soldiers made a formation of pairs. The first two, Nikolaj and Dimitri, were positioned in front of Bertholdt and me. Lara and Paul took their places behind us. Lady Amsel was in the very front of our little troop, as expected of a commanding officer. 

The last two cadets had their own orders. The first of them, Burkhard Krieger, was to remain a guardian of the cell, and the other, Georg Brandt, was to take Berholdt’s place. These two were both tremendous, strong, and very capable in combat. Their primary duty (assigned to them by Commander Smith) was to protect lady Amsel on her spying tasks… but she decided that this time, they were more suited to deal with attempts or threats bestowed upon the prisoner rather than threats to her own persona. 

Georg was tall and his body structure was almost identical to Bertholdt’s. However, his hair was a few shades lighter, and his eyes were dark brown. Not to mention that he had sharper facial features and looked very threatening, unlike our prisoner… but he was the best replacement we could provide at the time. Also, I would like to see the outcome of those who would dare to lay even one hand on Georg… he was very hot-tempered and enjoyed to break people’s bones for less.

Burkhard was even taller than Georg, probably the tallest man in the Scouting Legion (well, Mike Zacharius died, and he was the only one who could be a good comparison) and probably the most muscular one. His hair was light brown, his eyes were grey, and his facial features were quite ordinary. He didn’t fight unless provoked, but he was every bit dangerous as Georg was in close combat. Major Amsel was very confident about leaving these two in the prison while the rest of us get out. They could take care of themselves – and have a lot of fun while doing so. 

Even though I appreciated their skills and brute force, I didn’t appreciate how prone they were to violence. These two used to beat up Bertholdt pretty bad before Major strictly forbade them to inflict any harm on him. I still held a bit of a grudge towards them because of their behavior, but I guess I can make myself like them again after they’ve agreed to do this for Bertholdt. 

“Cadet Krieger, cadet Brandt...” lady Amsel said, as Georg lied down on a bed, covering himself with a tiny blanket, “…please, maintain this little charade of ours until I secure the prisoner. I will need as much time as I can get.”

“Sure thing, ma’am. We shall provide you with all the time you need.” 

Georg turned his back to us, curling up into a fetal position. In the darkness, under the weak light of torches… with that kind of behavior and movements… he may fool everyone that he is, in fact, Bertholdt. Burkhard’s eyes followed us as we all moved past the dungeon’s door. Then, he locked them behind us and sat on a chair near fake Hoover’s bed, and took out his military dagger. He played with the hilt between his fingers, in a very casual manner. That was his habit. 

“Worry not about us, lady Amsel. We got everythin’ covered,” he said to his commander. She nodded in their direction. 

“Take care.”

“You too.” 

\- - - - - - - - - - - -

And here goes… smuggling the most wanted fugitive out of prison with the highest level of security. We needed him to leave the place without being noticed, yet alone recognized… and, of course, we had to be prepared for another ambush. Mayor raised her hand to signal us to proceed. We pulled our hoods over our heads, and moved quietly through the first three corridors. The guards were used to lady Amsel’s unit going throughout all prison, so we did just fine for several floors… until we reached the first set of guards that weren’t members of the SL. They were members of Garrison. 

One greeted lady Amsel with a fist on his heart, but the other ignored the procedure, and rudely gazed upon our formation. Bertholdt’s eyes were glued to the floor. He kept his back lower than usual, in a weak attempt to hide his height, but there were no other signs of fear, or disturbance in him… he seemed oddly calm. 

“Evenin’, ma’am. Workin’ late, aren’t ya?” the rude guard recognized the members of the North Unit, but still stopped lady Amsel. It was, without doubt, in order to prove that no matter how good she was with Commander Smith or Dot Pixis, she still had some rules to abide. He was about to cause us trouble, as it seemed.

“Y’all stayed there for a real long time, ma’am. Somethin’ bad goin’ on with the Colossal Freak?”

Freak? I bit into my lip. Bert’s been called worse… but it didn’t mean I had to like it. Aurora handed her identification without words, and removed her hood to reveal her face to them. She seemed rather bored, and I couldn’t tell whether she was afraid… or if she was a really good actress. 

“Still as beautiful gal as eva’. Pity for that scar,” the brute teased her, giving her one nasty look that made me shiver. She remained calm, though she didn’t appreciate the compliment, nor the mention of the deep, dark mark under her left eye. 

It’s always a pity when a rare beauty is ruined by such thing as a scar… but Aurora Amsel was beautiful regardless of that slight damage on her face. It made her unique in appearance among military members in this area. It made her special. Many men desired her, yet nobody could have her. She was a noblewoman, a high ranking officer, and Erwin’s close confidant. She was a hard prey to hunt, and too much of a prize for simple Garrison soldiers who behaved this way. And they knew it.

“Yeah, what a shame. Now, if you’ll excuse us, Evan, we are in a hurry,” Aurora said, and made a few steps past him. We tried to follow her, quite bravely if I may add... like nothing was suspicious about us. Like we are just soldiers who finished their duty and are going back to our HQ to have some rest. Right? Right.

“Wait. We aren’t done,” the soldier named Evan spoke, and his colleague sighted almost as hard as I did. He was displeased but Evan continued to talk. 

“Hoods off, y’all. Let me see those faces. C’mon.” Nikolaj and Dimitri shielded the rest of us with their figures. My heart skipped a beat. I took Bertholdt’s hand, and pulled him back, while Lara and Paul surrounded him from sides, breaking the previous formation. We raised our hands as if we were reaching for our hoods, but in reality, we used that moment to allow him to slip inside the center of group. His fingers were cold. He was still looking down to the floor, but his hand grasped mine. When the other guard spoke, we stopped in the middle of pulling the hoods down. 

“Are you really doing this?” the comrade rolled his eyes at Evan. “I mean, we hardly ever check upon people who go back from there. Going in is one thing. But going back… what could they possibly do?”

“I don’t know. But w’re suppos’d to guard this entrance, aren’t we?” Evan smirked. Aurora just pulled one cigarette and a lighter out of her inner pocket, and lit the tip. For a beautiful woman, she had a really nasty habit. God… how I hated tobacco.

“Hoods down then, boys and girls. Let’s give him his small satisfaction.” She took another long drag, enjoying the taste and the fume of her cigarette, lightly tapping the paper tube in the process. Small amounts of ash got down on floor. “But, know this, Evan… I will remember. I will remember that, of all the people who came here, you’ve decided to suspect the members of the North Unit. You suspected me, the Major, a woman who's spent half of her life serving the Government faithfully and dutifully. You suspected the very people appointed by the thirteenth Scouting Legion Commander, Erwin Smith, whose West Unit and Special Operations’ Squad members brought down the most wanted titan shifters to this prison. Shame on you.” She blew a puff of smoke into Evan's face. “Lara dear… let’s start with you, please.” 

Therefore, cadet Sieler was the first one to expose her face, purposely chosen because of the condition she was in. After getting out of a fight, and an un-fair one, she was all covered up in bruises and small cuts. The guards were now staring at her, both visibly shocked. After seeing her face, ours didn’t really seem to matter, even after we’ve exposed them. 

“Wha…”

“The Hell happened?”

“Prisoner Hoover was attacked by the Military Police tonight. The same group you were supposed to check upon, but you let them get in and get out as they pleased. I highly doubt you asked them to remove their hoods in the process, or cared to look at their faces twice. Prisoner Hoover was almost hanged, so I was sent to chase after those who violated the military code, and now, you dare to question _me_? _My word_? _My people_? The same people you’ve _already seen so many times before_? You dare to interfere with our task?” she asked, her voice still calm, but now steel-cold and firm, and the two guards seemed a bit… ashamed after her little monologue. That encouraged her to continue. 

“There’s been a fight. My people are all roughed up. Just look at cadet Sieler. And here’s cadet Sohner, you see her every day. Is she suspicious to you? Hm? You also know Dimitri. You know Nikolaj. You know Georg.” She pointed the tip of her cigarette towards Bertholdt when she referred to ‘Georg’. 

_Oh. My. God. They are looking at him. They are looking at Bertholdt!_

I reached for my dagger. This is about to get ugly. This is going to be a disaster… 

“Burkhard Krieger is down there, making sure that no one else hurts or kills Hoover due to your incompetence.” Aurora stated coldly. She threw the cigarette fag onto the ground and stepped on it. 

“You know what, boys? I am going to write a report. In that report, I am going to mention those who helped me in my mission, and those who got in my way. _That report_ is going to be read by some really important officers, and I will make sure that you two get punished for obstructing the undercover operation even after you’ve been specifically warned not to get in my way,” she added with a deadly glare, and an obvious threat in her steady and calm manner of speaking. 

There was an agonizing silence for almost half a minute.  

“We apologize for the inconvenience, Major,” Daniel let us through without further delay. ”And we hope we didn’t cause the permanent damage to your mission.”

“I hope so too, for your own sake,” she just headed towards another corridor, and climbed more stairs. We didn’t have much trouble following her after dealing with those two. Our further march wasn’t interrupted anymore, though it was intense to go through so many soldiers who could recognize Bertholdt within a second… but… the six of us managed to escort him through the whole prison, to the very exit. It was stressful, and it was risky… but we made it. We got out. Bert is out from that Hell.


	5. Man Of Many Professions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was that really the best plan they could've think of?

**PART 5**

He was by my side the whole time. I had the urge to hold his hand, to tell him that everything will be all right from now on, but I just knew the things weren’t that easy… and that they will never be. And I hated it from the bottom of my heart.

Why? Why couldn’t he just be a soldier of humanity? Just someone who fights for the right cause underneath the wings of freedom? Why does he have to be a monster, a killer, an enemy… and why do I love him so much, even after knowing all the terrible things that he has done? I thought I was smarter than that. And stronger than that. However, when it comes to love, even the smartest people do the most stupid things… and I am no exception. 

I’ve seen something within him, something besides the fact that he was able to become the Colossal Titan and ruin everything we’ve held dear. That something… was his kindness. And goodness. He had a good heart, I was sure of it. He was capable of sacrifice, of care, of loyalty… but all of that was primarily reserved for his own people. For Reiner. For Annie. If I was in his place, I would probably do the same things he did. Therefore, I can’t completely blame him for tragedies which were born from his deeds. 

What I also saw in him… was his fear. Beneath the giant, there was a boy… a small, terrified child whose mission was too much for him to handle. A burden too wast for him to carry. I saw his pain, which resided deep inside his soul, and was reflected in his eyes. A sharp, and hard pain, which caused him to feel great remorse, and regret things he has done. 

And that same pain brought him to his knees, brought him to surrender, and allowed us to capture him. It made him allow everyone to torture him, made him wrecked, and passive. He wanted to die, because he couldn’t handle it anymore. And though I understood everything perfectly, I was still upset by how easily he allowed to others to almost kill him for it. 

I was angry with him for being so… obedient. So calm, in face of his death. So calm, even after I told him I can’t stand the sight of his execution. He was selfish. He was even… cruel. 

The part of me will always blame him, no matter the outcome of his trial… but the other part will always love him. And in light of that confession… what am I to do with these feelings?

We continued walking to wherever Major Amsel intended to lead us. 

The cold night air filled our lungs and brushed against our faces and clothes as we moved through some dark allies… but Bertholdt seemed to enjoy every bit of his liberty. He was free, finally out of that horrid place, even if just for a while. We continued marching towards the certain area… and we saw a carriage nearby. It was half-hidden in the darkness.

I guess that we weren’t the only people who had business this late at night. 

“My God… just look at that thing!” Dimitri was in awe. Nikolaj whistled. I shared their amazement.

‘That thing’ was too expensive and too elegant to belong to a commoner. It was the most beautiful and the most luxurious vehicle comparing to every other I’ve ever seen - or used. It was made of wood and iron, polished and panted in white, with golden flower-patterns over its surface, all decorated with taste. The curtains behind the shiny glass windows were crimson-red, and closed. We couldn’t see behind them. Without a doubt, this vehicle belonged to nobility. But, what is a carriage like that doing here, in this hour?

I looked at Bertholdt. His eyes seemed focused onto something else beside all that luxury. He observed a figure which I didn’t notice at first… a coachman whose face was half-hidden with a long collar of his cloak… and the other half was hidden by the hat he was wearing. He was dressed in black, and wore matching leather gloves. He held a whip in one hand, and reins in the other. The only thing you could see… were his deadly, grey eyes. He was staring in the distance, waiting. 

Something about that man wasn’t right. He was scary, and he wasn’t normal. Bert saw that too.

“The hard part is over, cadets. You’ve done well,” lady Amsel praised us, seemingly unaware of the coachman. “Lara, dear, you’ve been of a great help. Have some rest until you recover completely, I won’t trouble you further. Nikolaj, Dimitri and Paul will escort you to the HQ. I will take care of the rest, and I will join you all soon.” 

The four of them saluted, and obeyed without asking further questions. It was a common rule within a North Unit – if Major says that she will take care of the rest, she would do exactly that, and the others didn’t intervene unless she specifically ordered them to. That level and kind of trust is rare within other military sections, but ‘chameleon’ soldiers had a special code they all followed.

Major Amsel approached the carriage… and as soon as the coachman spotted her, he touched the edge of his hat and bowed his head a little, as a sign of respect. 

“Lady Amsel,” his voice was deep, and a bit hoarse. 

“Evening, Regulus. Did you have a pleasant trip?” 

“It was very boring, m’lady,” he was honest, and she smiled warmly to him. 

Just then, I figured it out… and I felt incredibly stupid about it. This was Aurora’s carriage. 

Nobody was inside of it, because she was about to climb this damn thing. It was our way to escape… and it was brilliant. No one will suspect that a noble transports a fugitive to the safe place for his protection. The nobles were almost untouchable. 

“Is it ready?” Aurora asked, and the man just nodded. He reached for his seat, and pulled something underneath it. It was a leather case, which was handed to lady Amsel, who took it and signalized to me and Bertholdt to leave our posture and join them. 

“Ma’am… is this…?” I asked, but she didn’t even let me finish the question.

“Yes. We are going to travel for a while.” She opened the case and took something black out of it. It was clothes, and it looked like a suit for a gentleman. She handled it to Bertholdt, who seemed every bit surprised as I was. Oh… 

“Pardon my directness… but where are we headed to?” I just couldn’t wait any longer. I had to know. Lady Aurora took another robe from the case, and smiled once again when she saw it was a golden-yellow. She just had a thing or two for flashy things.

The last one was for me. It was emerald-green. It was a dress. A dress… for me?

“We are headed to Mitras.” Lady Amsel announced, with a great pride in her voice. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

To the Capital of Mitras. She can’t be serious, can she? That’s… that’s the place where the Grand Court holds every trial! The Capital, and the inner district of Wall Sina! She must be crazy to think that we should go there, and keep Bertholdt safe. It’s too daring. It’s too bold! 

“Ma’am… are you sure that we should go there?” I insisted, while Bertholdt was changing his clothes with help of the coachman Regulus, inside one of those dark alleys… and while I was changing my own, inside of the carriage.

“Oh, absolutely. The best way to hide something… is to put it in the most obvious place. Somewhere so… evident… that nobody would look at it twice.”   

I was too worried about Bertholdt to think about the dress before I’ve actually put it. The fabric was so soft… unrealistically soft, and warm. The ornamental pattern and white lace on sleeves, waist and the lower part of the skirt made the whole thing look highly luxurious. I was hesitant to try something that beautiful, yet alone to wear it. However, I’ve put it on, as requested. The dress caressed my skin and felt wonderful against it. I’ve never had a piece of clothing which resembled something as perfect as this. The size was adequate too. So… wonderful. Enchanting. 

Or so I thought, until she brought the corset.

“It’s too dangerous, ma’am,” I’ve pointed out, but her previous statement did make sense.

“It’s worth a try,” she insisted. Maybe this… madness was the best way to hide Bertholdt after all. 

She tightened my corset, and I left out a loud gasp. The damn thing almost crushed my ribs. It might choke me to death! Aurora didn’t pay attention and started tying the ribbon. I take back what I said about the dress… I have never felt so uncomfortable in my whole life. I was peeking behind the curtains to see whether Bert was near us. Or that man. They should have returned by now. 

“He is in good hands, Rosemarie.”

“I thought so too, but then, he was almost _hanged_. So, forgive me if I am not convinced only by your words, ma'am.” I didn’t care if I was rude, or if my statement suggested that her unit was incompetent. It was a fact that they couldn’t protect him, so it was natural that I was worried. I was also impatient, and I wanted to get out to search for those two.

“He will be safe with Regulus. I can assure you.” Aurora combed my hair and put it in a quick bun. I wasn’t reassured by her words… at all. 

She finished with decorating my hair with a small, golden pin. Then, she untied her own, releasing it from a braid she usually wore while on duty. Locks formed in perfect, parallel waves, falling around her face and behind her back. Her hair was thick, and shiny. She looked younger, and somehow less strict. She also had the true aristocratic appearance, the one which I could never fake. She was born to be a noblewoman. Sometimes, I wondered why would someone as rich and powerful and with a perspective future within Walls decide to join the Scouting Legion, especially after she has never even faced the titan and the pain we from Shingashina district have gone through. Why would you risk everything by coming into the military?

Well, I couldn’t just ask that kind of question… so I’ve decided to go with something else. 

“Who’s that man anyway, if I may ask? He doesn’t seem like a coachman.” 

“Really?” she was rather amused, “Well, he _is_ a coachman, among other things,” she admitted, and smiled to me, and I was curious about hearing what were these _other_ things she was referring to. I turned away from her when she started putting her own dress on. 

“He sounds like a man of many professions when you put it that way,” I’ve stated the obvious. 

“You are quite right, Rosemarie.” 

I allowed her a few moments of silence, to give her a time to open up. She didn’t. 

“I am still not sure that we should leave our prisoner alone with him. I believe he requires a better protection.” I ultimately spoke my mind.

“You are really worried about him, aren’t you?” she asked. It was my turn to get silent. I didn’t look at her when I turned towards her, I was staring at my feet.

“It’s quite natural to worry about someone you care about,” she added, no condemn in her tone. 

“I am simply following my orders, ma’am. Doing my duty.” Only then I faced her.  

“Yes… you can tell that to yourself all that you want… but I know that look. Believe it or not, I’ve been in love once or twice,” she teased, and I felt how my cheeks radiate from my embarrassment. She just smiled to me and put a golden necklace around her neck. And God… she was beautiful… and if I as a girl can say that, I can only imagine why so many men desire her. 

“Since you are so worried about that boy, I will tell you why he is perfectly safe with my servant. However… you must keep it a secret.” She winked at me once, and removed the crimson drape from the window, observing through. A secret. Why wasn’t I surprised? Well, that was because everything regarding the North Unit was in that style. Aurora Amsel led a life full of secrets and intrigues. How hard must that be? 

“Just between us girls… Regulus is a man from the Underground City. He is a hit-man, a hired-hand, and he is one of the most dangerous people from the world of criminals and thugs.” She stated it like she said the most random thing ever. Without a blink. Th… this is…

“But… but h-how is that man in your service? Did you hire him?” 

Aurora sighed. 

“I _indebted_ him. Our mutual acquaintance presented him to me, and we made a deal. I got him out of the underground district, and he swore he would serve me for as long as I require him to do so.”

“But, if he is so dangerous as you say… don’t you fear… that…” 

“No. Regulus has proved his loyalty through various ways. I tested him multiple times, and he didn’t betray me _once_. Relax, girl. He is safe.”

“You trust him that much?” I just couldn’t give up asking questions. I had to be sure.

“I trust him with my life.” Aurora Amsel said, and if he was good enough for her, it will have to be enough for me too. I don’t think that she trusts many people with _her_ life. 

Bertholdt and Regulus returned and I felt relieved… like something heavy was lifted from my chest. But suddenly, I also felt ashamed because of my appearance. I mean, I knew I wasn’t ugly or anything like that… but I felt silly. Girly. I didn’t really like the way he was looking at me. He was staring too much.

He, on the other side, was a vision. He looked like a nobleman, and everything suited him almost too well. He even got another hat from Regulus, an opal ring, and a walking rod. We might actually fool others that we were the upper-class. We just need to keep using big words… or no words at all, for that matter. We should just shut up and let Aurora do the talking. Right? 

“Romy…” Bertholdt’s face was almost as red as mine was. This was so… shameful. “You look… so beautiful…”

“I look ridiculous,” I argued, “so shut up, B… Georg.” 

I moved to make place for him to climb onto the carriage and sit next to me. He did, and my stupid shame somehow didn’t want to go away. On the contrary, it grew. I felt like my cheeks were burning. Stop it already, Romy Sohner.

Lady Amsel was grinning at us, and that was not helpful at all. 

“Let’s go, Regulus. We have around 100 km to cross, we can’t afford to waste another second,” Aurora said, and her coachman/assassin/servant nodded once more, and closed the door behind us. She crossed her legs and made herself comfortable in the carriage, pulling the crimson drapes to cover us from curious eyes… if there were any at that time of the night. 

The carriage started moving, and I don’t remember when I was that excited. It felt like a dream. Bertholdt was getting away from that wretched prison, and every mile felt like a blessing, as much for me as it was for him. And although I knew that my hopes mustn’t get up, I felt joy for being able to provide him with a few more weeks of life without fear that he’d get killed. 

And although Aurora’s first plan was risky, it proved to be quite good, actually. I was hoping that this one would be the same, if not even better. Because, when we think about it… there’s not a better way to hide Bertholdt within Walls if we don’t move him to Sina. There, people are quite careless, and carefree, being so well protected and living without fear of being harmed. They wouldn’t expect for the Colossal Titan itself to reside among them. I doubt they even know how he looks like in his human form. So, this plan must be our best option. 

Moreover, Bertholdt has Major Amsel to watch over him, a lady who’s in charge of the whole spying sector within the military. 

Who can protect him better than someone who knows secrets of that society, of the strong, and influential people, but the shady people as well? Who is better than her, who has some of the best connections in both the aristocratic and underground circles? Who can shield him better in the world of humans, if not her? 

And, let’s not forget that she has a very convenient coachman, who also happens to expertise in taking human lives. So, I guess that I can relax, at least for a bit… because we were fine. We were both perfectly fine, at least for the time being. And I had to be grateful for that.


	6. False Pretenses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, Bert... what are you doing?

**PART 6**

We’ve travelled for a day and half, at full speed. We only had a few brief stoppings, which Regulus used to feed horses and to make them rest after long and tiresome journey. Other than that, the carriage was moving almost the whole night so I didn’t get much sleep.

We were talking most of that time, since lady Amsel proposed that we forge a cover-story for people within the Mitras before we arrive there. She had already made the basics.

“We are headed towards one of my houses… and since that one was built on the periphery, I believe it’s the best location to keep Hoover safe. There aren’t many manors around, so you won’t have to go through the trouble of dealing with neighbors, and to pose as upper-class citizens all the time. You will have privacy and I don’t believe that you will have many visitors. Well, other than those I send to you, that is.” Aurora went through her hair, removing the locks from her face. She seemed tired, and bored. 

“Regulus will show you the place, and will remain on manor since he knows it well. He will also be there to assist you with your duties, Rosemarie. Per usual, you will give assigned doses to keep Hoover from shifting, and you will monitor his behavior. Should Hoover express dangerous, suspicious, or even vigilant intentions or actions, you are to close him in the basement and report back to me. Should he try to escape, you are to try to subdue him, or to shoot him on sight if necessary. And since I can’t solely rely on you or Regulus, despite my huge faith in both of you, I will send you Lara Sieler, Burkhard Krieger and Georg Brandt in a few days, just to secure the area and to enhance the security. They will keep their eyes on any suspicious - looking people, and take care of any potential trouble.“

Hopefully so. And I was glad it won’t be just me with this… grimy-looking-Regulus. “How many guns are we allowed to keep on manor without breaking the general law of Military Police?” I asked. One firearm won’t be enough in case if Bertholdt’s tormentors return to finish him off. I mean, it’s still a possibility. 

“Regulus is in charge of the weaponry, you don’t have to worry about that. I highly doubt that the police members will figure our plan soon. Also, we have to presume that those who wanted to kill him could be even from the Scouting Legion or the Garrison. Anything is possible, so… we shall just keep Hoover safe until we figure out who was responsible for that assault.” 

“If we ever realize that,” I’ve pointed out. 

“One way or another, we will. Now, I am quite confident that they won’t realize where we have taken this boy, even if they suspect the North Unit was responsible for his removal from prison.”

“How can you be so sure? I mean…”

“I can’t, but the odds are usually in my favor. I strongly believe they won’t have proof against us, especially not after the change of guards. During that change, Georg, who poses as Bertholdt, will replace his rugs into his military uniform, and leave the prison with Burkhard as a fellow soldier who was on duty. Some time will pass before the next set of cadets visit the cell, only to discover that it is empty. Only then, the soldiers will be alarmed, and the supreme officers will be contacted.”

“They will think that Bertholdt escaped… that we weren’t competent enough to keep him in jail, or even… that we assisted him. That he had help from the inside,” I offered possibilities, and Aurora nodded. “That will start a panic among the military, and civilians!” I protested. 

“That is true… but since our dear Commander happens to be in the Capital too, I hope to be the one to reach him first. I will explain him the actions I had to take in order to avoid his primary prisoner being killed. And while the military may panic, they will hide this from citizens,” she clarified.  

Well… yes. The military tends to keep these kind of scandals away from the prying ears. People were prone to panic for lesser news. The rumor about the Colossal Titan roaming freely around the Walls, could only cause fear and panic of catastrophic proportions among the masses. If something like that ever actually happened, it’d be kept as a strict Military secret. The officers liked to have control over people, and to act as protectors, rather than being an incompetent bunch who can’t control their own prisoners. So, at least we could count on the secrecy part. 

“Commander Smith is in the Capital?” 

“Yes… he is currently discussing the tactics with Dot Pixis. Another military secret among the leaders,” Aurora hinted. I was aware that she knew about Erwin’s plan, since she was a leader herself, but as expected, she kept it for herself. “I shall visit him and I will inform him about this… and he will explain it to authorities as he sees fitting.”

I recalled Lara’s words. “The Commander will be displeased,” she said. Auorora may act like she isn’t worried… but she took a risk with going through this plan. How will our Commander react when he finds out? Will he get angry? Upset? Or disappointed? How is he going to treat Aurora from now on? I hope he doesn’t punish her. I’d hate to hear that she got demoted for going against the policy. 

“What if Commander orders us to return Bertholdt to jail?” I asked. Aurora sighed. 

“I believe I will convince him this was the best option. I think he will see it my way, since we have similar perspective on things. However, if he orders so… we will return him, and we will just have to rise the protection level. I will guard him myself, if that is of any comfort to you.” 

It was comforting, but not enough. And she knew it.

“Let’s get back to the cover-story, shall we? We will go with names first. How would you like us to call you, young lady?” she asked. I thought about it. How would I like to be called, if I wasn’t Rosemarie Sohner? 

“Nina.” I whispered. Nina seemed fine. I owed that much to my older sister. 

“That’s nice name,” Aurora complimented, and turned to Bertholdt.

“How about you, Hoover?” 

“I… anything is fine, really,” he said. 

“Hm… well, let’s keep it as close to the truth as possible. You will be… lord Bertram von Amsel, a distant relative of mine. I have a few dark-haired cousins who resemble you in a way, though none of them are that tall.”

“Von Amsel?” he repeated. 

“Prefix ‘von’ demonstrates aristocratic origins, and it’s my full surname. I just… avoid using it in the military. Now, lady Nina. We will need a surname for you too… from a family less-exposed to the nobility circles, but still effective. Also, with red-haired members, for the sake of credibility. So… Woodville or Deveraux will do.”

“I prefer Woodville. But, why aren’t we posing as cousins?” I asked, somewhat shocked.

Major smiled sweetly. “Rosemarie, no one would be foolish enough to mistake you two for cousins. I’d gladly present you as one of my own, but other than good looks, we don’t really have other striking resemblances.” 

Though in her case, good-looking was an understatement. 

“We could try with a wig or something,” I proposed. She was from the North Sector of the Scouting Legion. They are spies! Disguise surely doesn’t pose a difficulty for Major Amsel. I mean… her guys made Jean look like Eren! It can’t be that much of a problem to do something about my appearance.

“It won’t be necessary. I’ve already decided that you two won’t pretend to be cousins, since it won’t be highly believable. Besides, von Amsels and Woodvilles aren’t kindred because they aren’t particularly fond of each other, aside that one marriage proposal which also ended in awkward manner, because… oh, my.”

She paused, realizing something. Her smile was frightening this time. 

“No!” I squealed. Like a real girl. My voice was unpleasantly high-pitched, and it didn’t feel like my own. She isn’t doing this to me... she can’t.

“The best lies are based on altered truth. The best way to play a role, is to half believe in it. The more honest you are in your lie… the more truthful it gets.”

“What are you suggesting, Major?” Bertholdt still couldn’t see where she was headed to.

“No,” I’ve repeated, “this is absurd.”

“It’s perfect, and it should come naturally to you. After all, you two have grown to be quite close.”

“We won’t pretend that we are married!” I said, half-angry, and half-embarrassed. “We are too young!” 

Aurora smiled again, and Bertholdt seemed surprised. His face got almost the exact shade of red as my own did. 

“My grandmother was pregnant with her first child in your age. My mother got married. I got engaged first time when I was sixteen, and I called it off soon after. It’s not a big deal,” Major was casually indifferent to my remarks. I didn’t find her arguments persuasive. 

“Besides, you pose as a Woodville, remember? You will pretend that you are betrothed to our dashing, handsome, rich and powerful Bertram von Amsel, who makes pretty good bachelor material if you ask me, so you shouldn’t complain.”

I will die. Seriously, I will die from embarrassment. 

“I am glad that you enjoy this so much, ma'am… but let’s get serious here.”

“I am beyond serious, Rosemarie. The story needs to be…”

“Believable,” Bertholdt repeated after her, “until we reach the house, isn’t it?” he pointed out.

“You aren’t really considering this, are you, Bertholdt?” I demanded that he takes my side and to points out that Aurora’s plan was deeply and utterly absurd. Not to mention inappropriate. 

“I am,” he said. 

“Until you reach the house,” she nodded.

“Bert?”

“I am willing to do it, but only if you agree, Romy. It’s like the Major said… it’s only until we reach the house.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but lady Amsel prevented me.

“Now, that’s settled. But, before we get to Mitras, we shall stop to visit someone along the way. Don’t worry, it won’t take long,” Aurora said. And who was I to argue with my commanding officer?

\- - - - - - -  

Few hours later, Major was sleeping on her seat, cozily laid on a leather surface. She wasn’t disturbed by the moving of carriage, she slept peacefully and easily.

“Major?” I called her. She didn’t react. Didn’t twitch. Her breathing was calm and rhythmically equal. Bertholdt, who was leaned onto me, rose up in his seat and took a look through the curtains.

“Major, are you sleeping?” I tried, once more. Nothing changed.

“I think that she is, but you will wake her up if you do that again,” Bert warned. I sighted.

“How can she be sleeping at times like this?” 

“You should try to get some sleep too. You worry too much,” he remarked. 

“Or too little. We are safe for now, but going into Capital… I am not sure it’s the best solution.”

“Let others worry about that for a change. You know… this is too big for you to handle alone, Romy. She is your superior, let her do her job. Your only responsibility was to guard me. You are already doing too much for me…”

“My responsibility is to take you to safety. To keep you alive. To watch over you. And I will do it for as long as it is required of me.” 

I was still angry with Bert. Angry, because he didn’t fight back when he was supposed to fight for his own life. The image of his body, hanging in that cell, left a powerful, and dark impression, and the image I won’t be able to forget for as long as I live. And I hated him for that. 

“Romy…”

“I would slap you at this moment, you know,” I said, gritting my teeth. 

“You can’t be that upset for pretending to be my fiancée… can you?” 

“That’s not what I am talking about,” I said. “You could have been killed. You are a fool.” 

“I am. I am a colossal fool as well. I thought it would be easier if I just died and spared you the pain of expecting my inevitable death. It will happen, sooner or later. You should have let me to die,” Bert was stubborn, and he annoyed me even more. 

“You are selfish,” I told him, “it’s not up to you to decide about what’s best for me! Did you think it would be easier if I just... find you in that cell, that it would hurt less? It was shocking. Disturbing. You claim that you love me, yet you do something like that… how dare you?”

“You would have got over it, Romy. You are young, you will fall for someone else. Someone who will be worthy of you, who will be able to spend the rest of his life with you, and not… someone like me…” he whispered. Now, I wanted to slap him, and cry in the same time. 

“I don’t want anybody else,” I looked at his eyes. “It’s too late to want someone else now. Also, you can’t spare me of pain of losing you, but I prefer to deal with that in the due time, and to keep you alive while I can. With trial, there’s a chance that you will get released. I know, it’s minimal, but it’s still something. Why are you so eager to die?” 

“I’ve killed… so many… I’ve killed your whole family. Probably killed Marco too. Deep down… you know that I am the monster that haunts you in your nightmares. I hate being that monster. I hate myself for hurting you.”

“You were forced to do these things…”

“And what if I wasn’t? Would you still try to keep me alive?” he asked. I hesitated.

“What if I was simply thinking that I was doing the right thing, like Reiner did?” he asked another question. I shook my head. “Stop it, Bert…”

“What if Marco… was still alive? Would you still believe that you are in love with me?”  

“Stop with ‘what ifs’ and what could be. We are where we are now, unless you have something specific to say and unless you didn’t reveal all the information in your possession on your pre-trial hearings.”

“You didn’t answer my questions.”

“There’s no point in answering.”

“You should have left me to die,” his eyes were cold. Serious. “I am not worthy… of saving. Nor of your love, for that matter.” 

I took his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. “Like I said… let me bring that decision.” 

He looked sad now. Like I was wrong for feeling this way… but it was too late. I was hopelessly, painfully in love with this young man. 

“You said that I was selfish. You were right. I am selfish… for wanting you to love me, so badly that my heart aches. Even after all the damage that I’ve caused, I still… want to be with you. I want to be the man that you deserve, but I can’t. And it draws me crazy…” he whispered, squeezing my fingers. “I’ve never wanted anything in my life as much as I want you,” his free hand touched my cheek. His caress was soft. And although his face was covered with shame, he still looked directly into my eyes. 

“I know, I am pitiful. I am selfish. I am weak. But still…”

He leaned closer to me, parting his lips. I tried to breathe normally, but I couldn’t in the end. 

“As a dying man who has nothing to lose… nothing at all… I confess this from the bottom of my rotten heart.” His lips got closer to my ear. “You are my wish. My last wish... and I need you. More than air. More than life itself. I am unworthy coward but I need to hold you in my arms, to touch you, and feel you… for one last time…”

He pressed his cheek to mine, unable to face me, or kiss me. So, he pulled me into a hug instead. His heart was beating fast in his chest, I could feel it against mine... and I was glad I wasn’t the only one who’s frightened, or excited like this. 

His arms were strong, and comforting, but his words were painful and beautiful in the same time. We were both so ashamed… but I was aching for his touch. Eager to wrap my arms around his shoulders. 

Eager to meet his lips. 

“Then, fight for that wish, Bertholdt,” I hugged him back, “until your last breath, fight for me.” 

He pressed his forehead against mine. He had second thoughts, but he couldn’t wait anymore. He kissed me, softly, and a bit impatiently, and I’ve kissed him back. I loved the way he'd kissed me. It was better with every new attempt, as he grew confident and more relaxed.

Now, I wasn’t an expert or anything… but I could tell that Bertholdt was pretty good kisser, to my surprise. And this time, he went a step further. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and touched mine, sending these strange, little flickers down my whole body. I gasped, but he didn’t break the kiss – he went deeper, completely consuming me. Like in that dream I had a while ago. 

I didn't know that kissing could feel this... good. 

Bertholdt pressed me against the seat, and leaned onto me, repeating this new manner of kissing. It suddenly became too hot, too intense. I was fighting for air, pressing my hands into Bertholdt's hair, his neck, the nape... 

His lips were hot, soft, wet, hungry, and passionate. What am I doing? Why can't I stop? His fingers dug into my back. His lips got down, tracing my jaw, my neck... 

“B-Bertholdt...” I whispered, overwhelmed by his touch. He stopped, trying to calm down, to steady his breathing, and his heartbeat. 

“Sorry,” he said. He covered his eyes with his palm, embarrassed to the core. I smiled at his silliness. It was cute.  

“You are blushing, Bert. I thought it was supposed to be my reaction,” I have pointed out. 

“Well, you are blushing too, so it's kind of mutual. And, I am not _really_ sorry about what I did,” he corrected himself, “but for the sake of good manners... let's pretend that I am.” 

I chuckled, muffling the sound with my sleeve. Bert leaned on my shoulder, and I leaned back to his own. We were trying to sleep, as lady Amsel did, but weren't that lucky in the process. I had a lot of time to think, and to contemplate. 

All those silly stories, novels and poems about love that I’ve read… those that I have despised since I thought they were lame and cheesy... well, each and every one of them finally made some sense at this point.

Maybe the idea to pretend that we were engaged wasn't so bad, after all. We could pull this off. Maybe I will grow to like this Nina Woodville, with all the benefits of being her. Sir Bertram von Amsel definitely had his appeal. 

Let's just hope... that this story doesn't end up tragically, like it appears it will.


	7. It's The Roses That Find You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess whose birthday it is?

** PART 7 **

The next day mostly passed in travelling. Not how I envisioned this particular day to be, for it held a sort of a special meaning for me… but I had worse days, so I won’t complain. We finally reached the Capital sometime in the late afternoon. The Military Police stopped us three times prior to our arrival to our primary destination. We were in for a surprise, but first things first.

We tried our best to pose as nobility members (and engaged-ones as well. Good God). Bert was nervous, he started sweating a lot again. I, on the other hand, tried to remain calm and pretend that I was an-upper class citizen the best I could, mostly by observing and mimicking Aurora’s posture and manners… even the way she was talking. And what a nuisance it was!

As you may presume, I was very nervous too… but I had this convenient ability to look calm in cases of great distress. The coachman of lady Aurora seemed to share that feature, or he simply… wasn’t concerned at all. It’s probably the later, since he didn’t have to be really concerned, because he travelled between Walls a million times already and the Military Police patrols probably knew him pretty well by now. 

But knowing him and liking him were very different things, as I’ve had the opportunity to see. I’ve got the impression that this particular affiliation wasn’t very fond of him, and that the feeling was mutual from his part. 

Regulus, as far as I could tell from our brief encounter and the time we’ve spent on the journey - was a very silent man. That’s the first thing you learn about him. He’d speak only if lady Amsel asked him something, and mostly kept to himself. After a day and half, the blood-thirsty assassin from the Underground City didn’t seem all that scary and dangerous to me, probably because all I saw in him for that short time… was silent, obedient and patient coachman. 

He was good at tending horses, and seemed very dedicated to his job. In times when animals needed to rest, he would check upon the general condition of the carriage, just to make sure that everything was safe. He was moving around the elliptic springs, then back to the splinter bar section, posted underneath his seat, and was fixing something. 

Occasionally, he would offer lady Amsel a cigarette when she’d got out to get some fresh air, and they would smoke together, side by side, without talking. Bert and I would stand next to them… and we’ve actually enjoyed the mutual silence. 

When he felt like it, the coachman even offered a cigarette to Bert, who politely denied via simple, apologetic rising of his hand. Then, Regulus would offer a cigarette to me, just out of courtesy, not because he believed I wanted tobacco. His dark, icy-grey eyes were fixed on mine, and I shook my head. That kind gesture from Regulus’s side, a simple and polite offering, was probably intended to be some kind of reassurance. To make us feel less like soldiers on mission, and more like humans. A smart move on his part, I’d say.

While maintaining the carriage, he removed his shiny, smooth top-hat, and his long, black, leather cloak - to feel more comfortable, I guess. In my free estimation, he was taller than Reiner, but not as tall as Bertholdt. His body wasn’t slim, he was well-shaped and very muscular, which came a bit strange to me because I didn’t expect him to be that… strong, and fit, in lack of better words. It was almost like he had a military training.

He run his fingers through his faintly wavy, dark hair (once entirely black, but now mottled with grey locks) to slick it behind. He was actually handsome for an old guy, in some mysterious, dark and dangerous way. When he was younger, he was probably very popular with the ladies. 

I wonder if he likes Major Amsel when he is so loyal to her despite of his past, and his old habits. 

Although he seemed quite polite and relatively decent, I wasn’t fooled by that false sense of security around Regulus. His true nature probably just lies dormant within him, waiting to be unleashed.

In a brief pause, Regulus and Aurora separated themselves from us and engaged in a conversation. Aurora seemed a bit worried, Regulus remained calm and serious, and their voices were very low. I didn’t manage to catch a single word… but I hoped the conversation had nothing to do with Bertholdt. I truly hoped. 

Regarding Bertoldt… he shortly vanished, only to return, hiding something behind his back. He was smiling, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable. Did he…

“I haven’t forgotten,” he whispered.  

“I hoped you would. You know I hate this day,” I whispered back. 

“I don’t hate it. Besides, this is not even a real present.” 

He gave me a rose. A single, red rose, free of thorns. 

“How come… that you always find a rose for me somewhere?” I asked, smelling the center of gentle, soft petals. I almost felt like crying… almost. It was the most perfect present ever, actually. 

“I don’t. It’s _the roses_ that find you, Romy.” 

I hug him, and hug him tightly. I feel miserable as I do so. He returns the hug, and we stay like that for a moment. 

The truth is… after the kiss we shared last night, we didn’t speak about it. The heat of the moment passed, and my doubts returned again. I mean, I didn’t regret kissing him, that felt good. Really good, actually, to the point where I was ashamed of the amount of lust I managed to feel for such a short time. It terrified me. He… terrifies me, not because he admitted that he wanted me… that I am his last wish… but because he causes all these feelings within me that I am not able to resist. This is the first time that my feelings prevail over my sense. THAT terrifies me, I have always been able to make good calls upon my judgment, and if I start questioning it now... who knows what might happen. I never had to go through such a torment before. 

And although I am aware that I am not supposed to be in love with Bertholdt… I still am, and still feel guilty because of it. I feel bad about… having so many different feelings towards him too.

It’s not an easy job to be in this situation and to be in my skin. I really don’t know what to do. And honestly, this is the worst possible time for development of a love story, yet such complicated as our own is. I swear to all three goddesses, it’s the toughest thing I ever had to deal with, after the loss of my entire family. And, that was Bertholdt’s fault, if we want to be fair. And naturally, it hurts. I just wish that someone, somewhere, made this easier for me somehow. 

But I know they won’t, so I will have to do the best that I can in this ungrateful position, and with these ungrateful, mixed sentiments of mine. Especially on this day. Today was… special. 

“Romy? Are you all right?” Bert called, with slightly worried tone in his question. 

“Yeah… I am fine,” I lied. “Just a bit tired, that’s all.”

\- - - - - - - - 

The first patrol took a good look at us. Major Amsel gave them some papers, some kind of certificate or documents… and those papers seemed to work with the border-guards. 

“Well, if it isn’t Major Amsel, all dressed-up. Welcome home, my fair lady,” one of the soldiers greeted her even before she handed the mentioned papers. “What brings you to our wonderful Capital in this time of year? Aren’t you supposed to freeze your fine arse in the Utopia District or something?” 

“Always the curious one, aren’t you, Luka? Can’t a woman just visit her family and take a break from horrifying duties and extremely stressful job?” she smiled warmly, already working her charms on the soldier who paid less, and less attention to us, and exponentially increasingly more to Aurora. Holly Walls, will I ever learn to flirt? That skill can be so useful when used well. Just look at our Major, she must be the champion in using this technique. I mean, she blinked twice, run her fingers through her rich, thick hair, and this man, Luka, already started to melt.

I turned to Bertholdt, who seemed amused. Corners of his lips were curved up. I didn’t like it. 

“I have to ask. _You know that I have to_. It’s not like it’s my intention to pry, it’s the damn protocol. So, state the nature of your visit and blah, blah, blah...”

“Family gathering, of course. We celebrate the engagement of these two darlings, so it’s going to be a gala event, hosted in my house,” Aurora responded leisurely, but I was terrified. For all the time they were talking, I was afraid that someone would recognize Bertholdt, and start a commotion. 

“Really? I thought you were here because of Commander Smith. _He is in the Capital, you know_.”

His tone was conspiratorial, and suggested importance. He wanted to see Auorora's reaction, and to estimate how she would react. Like she didn’t already know about Erwin’s whereabouts. 

“Is he, now? What a coincidence,” she politely smiled and genuinely faked a brief surprise. “I am here simply to indulge my family, and drink a lot of free champagne.”

“Am I invited too?” Luka joked. I felt the cold sweat behind my back. 

“Do you even have to ask?” she responded with another question. No! Come on, is she serious?! 

“Just kidding! I wouldn’t be able to anyway, because of my duties. Some of us are doing _an actual work_ , lady Amsel, unlike your unit who only takes care of various kinds of paperwork and oversees the city archives,” he teased, and in that teasing, I felt that he went too far. 

But, Lady Amsel wasn’t bothered. 

“Yes, I am so blessed - unlike you,” she politely added, with a grin, “because checking upon civilians in carriages and maintaining peace in an already peaceful, and fortified environment, with no titans in sight, must be _oh so difficult_. I almost _envy_ you.”

The foolish man continued to provoke. “How fire-some! I hit the nerve, didn’t I?”

“You tried,” she shrugged her shoulders, still smiling. “But trust me, Luka… if you hit the nerve, you wouldn’t live to tell the tale.” The soldier just chuckled. With Regulus in the front seat, so near… I wouldn’t be smiling, or teasing lady Amsel in any way, yet alone try to hit the nerve. But Luka obviously didn’t know what kind of guy Regulus was. I didn't know whether to pity him, or to be envious of his blissful ignorance. 

“I am joking, come on… who are the newlyweds?” soldier turned his eyes at us.

“Oh, we aren’t married yet,” I said. Politely, I hope. 

“This is my cousin, sir Bertram von Amsel,” Aurora presented Bertholdt, who touched the edge of his hat and lowered his head a bit, “and this is his fiancée, lady Nina Woodville.” I just nodded. Once. I didn't have to like him, did I? 

“You have pretty lady there, sir von Amsel! Congratulations!” 

“Thanks,” we’ve answered together. Bert was now hugging me, and I was devotedly squeezing his arm and leaning onto his chest – we seemed like a real, lovey-dovey couple, filled with love and joy. _Absolutely nothing wrong with this scene._

“You better take care of her, someone might steal her away if you don’t look! Hahaha!”

Bert just pressed me harder to his chest. “No one will. Rest assured.”

My heartbeat got stronger again. Even if this was just an improvised scenario for our cover story, I suddenly felt… like… no. No. I should slap myself in the face to get back to reality. Really!

“It’s strange to see you paired, though. I’ve heard that Von Amsels aren’t very fond of Woodvilles because of that incident from a long ago when this guy…”

“You’ve said it yourself, it happened a long time ago. Leave it in the past, Luka. Now, we don’t have all day. May we pass, or you want to inspect us, or whatever your _harsh duties_ require of you?” Aurora was bored now. “My parents are waiting to meet their nephew, and his bride to be. The long journey is behind us and we are tired.”

“Then, I shall not keep you further,” Luka finally decided to let us go, “have a nice rest of the evening!” 

“We will try.” Aurora said, and Regulus closed the door of the carriage for her. Then, he used his whip to make the horses gallop, hitting the poor animals a bit harder than he previously intendeed. In some other scenario, I would bet that heads would roll. 

But with this one… it went well, I guess. 

\- - - - - - - - -

Other patrols didn’t ask many questions, because they’d recognized lady Amsel. They kept asking her whether she was there because Erwin requested, being in Capital himself. They were suspicious of Commander’s plans and actions, so they kept an eye on his close confidants too, it seems. 

Regulus stopped the carriage, and opened the door for us again. The building in front of us was large and spacious. I have never seen something so magnificent in Shiganshina, our homes weren’t luxuriously – designed as this object. Her servant opened the door for Aurora, and she entered a large parlor, filled with people. There really was some kind of gala-party, Major wasn’t lying about that part… all those people, dressed up in their glamorous attires… it all felt like a scene from a dream. The strings quartet, two violins, viola and cello, were entertaining a large group of guests by very pleasant music. 

“Do you see him yet?” Aurora asked her coachman, and he shook his head. She sighed. “Go, search for him.” Regulus nodded and turned on his heal. He disappeared in the crowd. 

After sending him away, she turned her head towards me and Bertholdt. She glared at us. 

“Don’t just stand there, you two. This is a party, you are supposed to _have fun_ ,” she grabbed a glass of a champagne from a passing servant’s tray. Very skillfully, if I may add, like the glass glued for her fingers. She made a dramatic pause, looking at us again. “You _do know_ what a fun is, don’t you?”

The tall figure was approaching us, and I froze. Lady Amsel didn’t notice him, because she was occupied by scolding us… but he was approaching, and I took Bert’s hand in my own. His palm was sweating, he noticed the figure too, and gulped. _We are so dead…_

“Dear Lord, do I have to draw it for you or something? Dance! Chat with all those fine people! Eat all that delicious, free food, sweets, and drink all this fine…” 

“Major…” I whispered, because the man was standing behind her now. 

“… _champagne_.” The man finished Aurora’s sentence. 

“Exactly!” she said cheerfully, turning her head towards none other than our dear Commander, and her smile disappeared in a single second. Erwin was staring at her, but his expression revealed nothing. If he was angry, I couldn’t tell, if he was upset… that neither. Commander always held his composure. Regulus suddenly appeared behind Erwin. 

“Found him, ma’am.” 

“You don’t say,” Aurora rolled her eyes. “You are free to go, you witty old man. I shall accompany you after the meeting.” Regulus touched the edge of his hat, and the corner of his lip went up. He almost smiled, and that was the first time I’ve seen him that he even got close to doing so. It was somehow creepy.

Before leaving, he tapped Commander on the back, and Erwin silently greeted him by the move of his own arm. Wow. Old friends? 

“I can explain,” Aurora said, non-apologetically at all, and Erwin made a step further towards her, invading her personal space, like many members of the Scouting Legion intentionally, or unintentionally did to others. And often too. 

“Commander, I…” I wanted to explain myself too. _And to defend that woman, silly me. Like she needed to be defended at all_. I had that urge, because Commander was only good to me, so I felt like we betrayed him a little by doing all this. I wanted to make him understand our reasons, and the motives that caused us to act the way we did. 

“Please, _Aurora_. Do explain.” He didn’t even look at me or Bert. His tone was cold as ice, and so were his eyes. But he did something unexpected. He offered his hand to Major, and she took it, making a step closer towards him. There was something… about the way they touched… I actually felt like I witnessed an intimate scene. What in the name of the Walled World was that?! 

“ _Not here, Erwin_. Nina,” Aurora wasn’t looking at us either, but she spoke to me, reminding that we had a charade to maintain, “…please, take Bertram to the podium and enjoy while you still can. Since you are here, you may as well celebrate your birthday.” 

She winked, and led Erwin through the corridor. How did she know it was… my birthday?

“She is right, you know,” Bertholdt spoke, and gently squeezed my arm in his. “I know you hate birthdays, since that incident in Trost… but we should celebrate this one, since we… are here… together…”

“It’s stupid,” I protested, but Bert took my hand, and led me into the crowd. 

“Wha… wait! What are you doing, or think that you are doing, _Bertram von Amsel_?” 

“Taking Major’s advice. Having fun,” he smiled warmly. 

“I didn’t know you can dance,” I was completely confused. But again… 

“And I can’t,” he cheerfully added, with an apologetic smile, “but I am willing to try. How about you?” Bert did have a certain way of quickly learning new things and getting quite good at them. Look at his military rank. He ended up being third, so that should say something about his ability to overcame difficult tasks. Me, on the other side… 

“No!” I said. I was a lady who was interested in tactics, and the strategies. My mind was my strong feature, until relatively recently. Bert just smiled. 

“Too bad.” 

He actually dragged me to the podium. First, he observed other dancers, and I felt like a total fool. Then, he took my left arm and put it above his waist, slightly underneath his shoulders. He took my right arm with his left, and pressed his torso against mine. My face was close to his heart. 

“We look like fools, Bert.” 

“So what? We only live once,” he joked, stepping forward with his left foot, and I almost stepped on him before realizing I should use my right foot to mirror the movements of his left. Bert took the lead, and I honestly didn’t know what I was doing, but it made me… smile. We were clumsy, but we tired, once, twice, thrice… and I was starting to somewhat… enjoy the whole thing. He was actually getting pretty good, and I wasn’t all that bad as I previously thought I would be. 

I loved the sound of music; I loved feeling Bert’s arms around me. I leaned onto his chest and inhaled his scent, and my heart started to get wild again. The red blush covered my cheeks, and I buried my face deeper in his suit, unable to look at him. 

He lowered his head down. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this happy,” he said, his body swinging with mine in the parallel rhythm. “I never dreamed… that we would ever share moments like these. Not with everything bad that previously happened between us. But… I am beyond happy to be with you, and to have you in my arms, if only for tonight. Know that I treasure it. That I treasure everything about you,” he caressed my hair, and whispered in my ear. 

“I love you, Romy Sohner. I love you ‘till the day I die… and beyond. I will always love you.” 

Then, he used his hand to cup my face, and lift my head up. To make me face him. 

“Happy birthday.” 

Before I could respond… or protest… 

Bert kissed me. In front of all those people, without minding what others will say, or think. And I let him. I let him consume me, and make me forget all those troublesome, tragic, and heavy things that have been tormenting my mind for the whole day. His lips erased everything that bothered me, and started up a new fire in my body… a force so powerful that frightened me, again… but I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the taste of this sin, more than I was supposed to, and I was sure that I would burn in thatfire. I know now for sure… that I would let it eradicate me… and I couldn’t care less. 

For the world, he is the Colossal Titan. For me, he is Bertholdt Hoover, a fragile human, and the love of my life. And damn me if I continue suppressing my heart’s desire, and deny what I feel. I am past that. If this choice, this man… is wrong… then I am willingly choosing my demise. 

I’ve decided… that he can be the end of me. 


	8. Threat From The Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will they do now?

**PART 8**

Commander Smith and Major Amsel disappeared somewhere and haven’t returned to the celebration. I haven’t spotted them again throughout the whole evening. Commander didn’t look satisfied when they left, but I was sure lady Aurora will find a way to explain this… risky plan of hers to him. After all, the two were of like minds, so I had no doubt that she would manage to convince him it was the best course of action – as she had previously persuaded me. 

Things were going according to her estimations so far – so we could say it was a good plan after all. Commander shouldn’t scold her, or punish her for her decisions. Or at least, so I thought. In truth, I knew nothing about leading separate units or being a spy, but as a tactician, I had no other choice but to admit that Aurora’s solution for our problem was probably the best in given situation. 

The shady coachman, Regulus, appeared soon after the gathering was finished. He quietly announced that it was time for us to go, so we accompanied him. Other people were already leaving as well. Bertholdt and I have finished dancing, eating and drinking, and were somewhat exhausted by dealing with so many people. I excused myself from this nobleman that asked me to dance, and made a slight bow. Bertholdt had already finished dancing with this lady who tried to learn him how to waltz, and he was looking in my direction. 

I truly wasn’t aware that so many people would try to approach me and have some kind of conversation with me. Most of them were curious, wanted to know about me… well, not me, if I want to be completely honest – it was Nina Woodville that peaked their interest. They wanted to know about her origins, her family, her interests and education, and most of all - how she met this handsome, tall man, Bertram Von Amsel, who was an equally interesting topic since he was cousin of a very old and very famous aristocratic family among the three great Walls. 

Girls mostly wanted to hear about romantic details and such – how have we met, who made the marriage arrangement, questions like that. While I tried my best to stay in character and to go along with Aurora’s story, adding some minor details along the way, they were giggling a lot and teased me how I got really good opportunity and that I was a lucky young lady. He is so handsome, and oh, so very rich, but humble and down to earth. 

If they only knew.

It was all already over, but I had a really good time. Being Nina Woodville had its benefits, but my role had to end. Bert offered his hand, separating me from my most recent dance partner… and I was wondering if he didn’t like that guy out of some reason. Bert seemed a bit bothered by that guy’s approach and… well, his flirtations that I ignored through and through. My fake fiancé even glared at him and all, and I blushed like I did something wrong. I didn’t like it at all. 

Regulus showed us the way, so we were heading out. I caught myself looking at this man again.   
His long, black cloak waved around as he was moving through the crowd. Corners of my eyes noted many noblewomen who were secretly, or very openly staring at him – similar to how I was. The only difference was - they were smiling. Flirting. It seems that, in these circles, flirt was pretty usual thing. And Regulus… definitely had some sort of charisma, even if he was deadly and dangerous. There was something… very alluring about him, I guess. 

What really surprised me was when he pulled a rose from a vase on the mini-table next to exit, and inhaled the scent. He started turning the scape, like he was lost in thoughts. I’ve faced Bertholdt, and he seemed every bit surprised by this unusual behavior of our coachman as I was. The older man glared at us, like he knew what I was thinking. 

“Come along, you two. Don’t fall behind.”  

He threw the rose to me, and I was surprised - it caught me off guard, but the gesture was nice… I suppose. Before I even got to ask why he would do such a thing, Regulus rolled his eyes.

“It’s your birthday, young lady. And as far as I can tell, you are all about roses.” He looked at Bertholdt, who smiled gently and touched my hand with his own.

“They suit her,” he smiled. 

I had to shake off that feeling of embarrassment. Quickly.

“Should we wait for Major? Isn’t she going to accompany us?” I asked, just to be sure. I have already given up on the thought that Major was going to return tonight. I was now convinced that Aurora and Erwin’s meeting was far from coincidence. Knowing the both of them, it could easily be that they arranged the meeting beforehand and Aurora simply dragged us along when she went in the Capital to meet Commander. Or I am just analyzing things too much. 

“Elite officers of the Scouting Legion are gathering in Mitras,” Regulus said, “there’s a decision they have to make, and each representative is going to show up.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t really surprised to hear that, but it came out that way. 

We stopped in front of carriage and Regulus took a moment to fix his collar, and pull his gloves over his fingers. I hesitated before asking, but I had to. 

“Is it… something regarding Bertholdt?” 

The coachman opened the door for us, and by cocking his head aside, he showed to Bertholdt to climb in first. He didn’t care about manners or protocol, or that kind of stuff. He was still seeing Bert as a threat, and didn’t want to risk to allow him escape on his watch.

When Bert climbed in, Regulus helped me to enter the carriage too, slightly pushing me up the leader as I stepped to take a seat. He closed the door and removed those small, portable stairs that were used for climbing into the carriage. He looked at both of us and the shade of smile went across that strict face. 

“Regarding your question… not everything has to be related to your lover, my lady.” 

I was now blushing from embarrassment but kept a serious face. “Bertholdt isn’t…”

“No?” Regulus’s smile was genuine this time. “Well, what d’ya know.”

“What is that supposed to mean, you… you… unbelievably curious person who should mind his own business?!” I asked defiantly. 

“Nothing at all. I am just a senile old man, I imagine things.” He grinned and tapped the top of his hat, and walked in front of the carriage to check on the horses. He was far from being old or senile, but that fact just annoyed me more. Bertholdt remained silent, but I could swear that I saw a small smile in corner of his lips. 

“Stupid Regulus,” I muttered. The carriage started moving through the night, and the coachman drove us away to our final destination. 

\- - - - - - - - - - -

You can only admire the Capital once you have seen it with your own eyes. The house resembled some architectural wonder that would appear in some kind of fairy tale. It had this large, iron gate, surrounded by really big, thick quickset. I believe it was at least two and half meters tall, and was well-maintained. The next thing we’ve noticed after Regulus brought us in, was this huge, beautiful garden. I could tell it will look magnificent in the morning, when all those flowers show their colors. For a prison… Bert could do worse. A lot worse, as we’ve both witnessed. 

This place may even offer some kind of peace to Bert. I was wondering… now when he was removed to a safer location… whether he would try to escape. I mean… it was unconventional, and highly unlikely, but the possibility still remained, no matter how small. And it ached, and made me a bit paranoid despite all Bert’s previous claims. I wanted to believe him, I really did… he was practically harmless and not capable to fight at all… but I was afraid he might get the desire to run away again after he gains his strength back and builds enough confidence. 

I wasn’t sure where I would stand if that happened, and it terrified me. Before, I wouldn’t have doubts. I knew I wanted to fight for humanity. But now, doubts seemed to be everything I have had left. And I had to deal with all of those somehow. 

For his own good… I hoped that he would stay put. I knew all too well what’s going to happen if Bert tried to flee the Capital under Regulus’s watch. The old assassin would take it personally and if it becomes “personal” with him… he would keep tracking his prisoner as long and as far as it takes. Something was telling me that the he wasn’t really the forgiving type. 

Regulus unlocked the main door and let us in. He lit a few candles and led us further into spacious house. The interior was just as beautiful as the exterior was. I gasped. Everything from the furniture, curtains, paintings, carpets… was plain beautiful and luxurious. Bert was looking at portraits of Amsel ancestors and was studying their faces. Regulus removed his cloak, his hat, and left them on the nearby stand. He took Bert’s accessories too. 

Then, he turned so suddenly and pulled his knives so fast that I had no time to react at all. Bert moved in front of me, and used his own body to shield me from whatever was moving in the darkness. It was moving fast. I never figured there was someone else in that house, never caught a glimpse, a movement… anything.

Blades clashed, and double knives wielder went straight for Regulus, mirroring his moves. Bert wanted to interfere, to do something, but I pulled his arm, keeping him away from it. My priority was to keep him away, and to keep him safe. No matter the cost. So… I have pulled my dagger from my traveling cloak and pointed it out towards the person, in case it reaches out towards Bert.

But surprisingly… the attacker wasn’t moving towards the Colossal titan. It seemed like Regulus was the priority. Although I tried hard, I was unable to really follow their speed. Their movements were synchronous – it felt like Regulus could predict the attacker’s movements and prevent them just in time. I was amazed, but also terrified. Mostly because… if I was against this person… I am afraid I wouldn’t be able to do anything to help Bert. I would try to protect him, but…

“Stay put, Rosemarie,” Bertholdt said, and reached for his own belt, pulling it out of his pants - and used it to wrap it around his left arm. With his right arm, he took my own knife from me and stood there in an intense position, ready to fight.

“No, Bertholdt!” 

“Shhh.” 

Bert shielded me, and I was trying to remove him… but he was stronger, and taller, and very defiant at this point. The figure then passed Regulus by, and went straight for Bert. He used the belt against the left hand of his opponent, and the blade in his right hand against the knife of his opponent’s right arm. He was taller than the attacker, and he was very focused onto defending us. Both of us. 

The figure in black cloak spoke.

“Hah. Not bad, boy.”

Bert was sweating now, putting all his strength against this… smaller opponent. When I think about it… the attacker was smaller than me, but had much more strength and was stealthy to the point where I was almost envious. 

Something clashed. It was Regulus’s knives, crushing against the knives of this villain. 

“Move. Now.” Old man ordered, and Bert and I stepped aside. I was on the verge to starting panicking, especially after seeing that blade fell from Regulus’s left arm. 

“Године су те стигле, стари”.

(“Years have finally reached you, old man.”) 

After listening that voice for the second time… I was surprised to notice that it belonged to a woman. She spoke in a language I couldn’t understand - but Regulus obviously did. 

“Не бих рекао. Биће да си ти напредовала”. 

(“I wouldn’t say so. It’s more likely that you have gotten better.”)

He was oddly calm.

“Ласкаш ми”. She spoke again, and I saw a small smile underneath that hood. 

(“You are flattering me.”)

It lasted for a few turns, and painfully long moments. 

“Па ипак... колико год да си добра, ја сам још увијек бољи. Тридесет година бољи.”

(“However… no matter how good you are, I am still better. Thirty years ahead of you.”) 

Regulus disarmed the woman in two short movements that made my heart burst from relief. She hasn’t bothered to pick her weapons up after she was left without them. She was still smiling after she lowered the hood down. 

“Welcome to the Capital, Regulus. Figured she would send you here, but didn’t expect you’d have company.” 

“Well, I do have companions. Unusual, but here we are. What a way to greet your father, Schwarz.” 

Fa-… ther? Schwarz? Is this… no. She can’t be. Could it be?

“You aren’t my father, geezer.” 

“Right,” he grinned, “…but considering the amount of women from the Underground District that I’ve made happy, you just might be my bastard girl. One of the many black-haired beauties that could have been my daughters.” 

He pulled her into a bone-crushing hug that she didn’t like. He seemed to enjoy it, though.  

“You wished. Screw you,” her reply was harsh, but I had to agree with Regulus about one thing. This woman was beautiful indeed, with shiny, long black hair, and sharp eyes that were dark brown. While Aurora was a stereotypical beauty, everyone’s type, this woman had that striking appearance and somewhat dominant attitude that made her stand out, and probably attracted special kind of people. 

Everything about her was powerful, and despite disliking her grand entrance, I had to admit that she had left quite an impression on me.

“Are you… “ I whispered, not sure whether I should ask it or not, “… could it be that you are Corporal Schwarz? _The Ezra Schwarz_?” 

“Yeah. Good job on putting two and two together, cadet Sohner.” 

She pushed Regulus away and stretched her arms.

“I am… Nina Woodville…” I tried, but instantly knew she wouldn’t buy it. Not even for a second. I guess she was good at putting two and two together too. 

“And I am Queen Historia,” she rolled her eyes. “No. Wait. I look more like her queen-sister Frieda, but that doesn’t really matter. You get the point, cadet Sohner.”

“I do. Why are you here, Corporal?” I asked. 

Regulus reached for his pocket and pulled out his cigarettes. He lit one and started smoking. 

“I needed Aurora to talk to her, but after seeing only the geezer, I figured that something was going on. Instead of Major, the two of you showed up, so I’ve decided to put you all to a test. I’ve had a key, so I entered easily. I have just turned the candles down when you've reached the entrance gate.”

“That’s too much, Corporal!” 

“Hahah, is it?” she smiled. “You did quite well.” 

“I wbeg to differ!” 

“Well, I am sorry - I couldn’t resist,” Ezra tapped Bert’s shoulder, “I hope you don’t mind, Colossal Freak. And if you do, know from the bottom of my heart… that I don’t give a fuck.” 

“Err... noted,” Bert said. What else could he say, really? 

Ezra gave one meaningful look to Regulus. “Erwin and Aurora?” 

“At the old place.”

“Shall we, then?” she asked. 

“Sure. Give me a second.” He finished his cigarette and grabbed his hat and coat. He turned to me and pointed at Bert. 

“Shall I shackle him down in the basement for you, or you will do it on your own?”

“I will do that, you can go. But is it wise to leave us like this, here?” I had to ask. It was risky to just leave the two of us here. 

“It shouldn’t be too hard to watch over him now. I will be back as soon as I can. In the meanwhile, make sure that he takes that injection and like I said… shackle him if necessary. Boy, I will warn you once again. You can run, but you won’t be able to hide. The entire legion knows how you look like and what you turn into. So, don’t you dare to make as much as one wrong move in wrong direction. It will end bad for ya.” 

With that, the old assassin and Corporal Schwarz left Aurora’s manor, leaving me alone with Bert in that spacious house. This wasn’t… what I was hoping for, but it wasn’t all that bad either.

However, it was strange to be alone with him after everything that happened, and I have to admit… it made me a bit nervous. I didn’t know what to say or do… but it seems like we’ve got some time for ourselves. 

But what exactly does that mean? I am a bit afraid to find out.


	9. Cherish The Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the urge is too strong...
> 
> (WARNING! LEMON CHAPTER, so don't read if it's not to your liking).

_**Warning: This chapter contains explicit scenes (of sexual nature), and although moderately restricted, it's still a lemon. So, don't read if it's not your kind of thing.** _

**PART 9**

I did as I was instructed and lead Bertholdt to the basement. He didn’t protest, and didn’t do anything that would oppose the current authority in any way. On the other hand, Aurora has done all the necessary preparations to hold the prisoner there – he had his own bed, shelf, night table and a chair, and could move freely around the basement – but not out of it. Our Major insisted that we keep him locked, for both supervision and his own protection. Just to be sure. 

People who were onto him still searched for him, so the Major was doing all in her power to lead them the wrong way – and while doing so, she was also trying to uncover those perpetrators. She was assisted by Regulus, who worked closely with Corporal Schwarz to track whoever seemed to be suspicious at the time. So far, there were only three radicals among the military who fit the initial profiles, and who were brought to madam Aurora for interrogations. Unfortunately, all three of them denied being involved with the attack on Colossal Titan in his cell. 

The Commander then received news about titan activity just outside of the Wall Maria, so he had to take quick action. Corporal Schwarz was given order to warn the rest of the Scouting Legion, then organize her group and scout outside of the walls again - so she couldn’t offer further assistance, nor investigate more people due to her primary mission. Aurora was a bit disappointed when the younger Corporal abruptly left, but she still had the old assassin at her side. They did the job well on their own. 

However, this was going to be a lot harder than we have all previously thought it would be. 

“You seem worried,” Bertholdt has stated. He was finishing with the dinner I’ve brought to him, and putting the dishes away onto the night table of his. 

I was silent while he supped, unable to provide even a false positive facial expression. I couldn’t do it even for his sake, not even when I wanted to. There was too much on my mind.

“It’s time for your dose,” I’ve reminded him. He nodded, and rolled up the sleeve on his shirt, offering his arm to me. 

“I am sorry for having to do this,” I’ve felt obliged to say, because I knew it must have  been difficult for someone like him. Someone of his… abilities. 

“No, I understand. It’s necessary,” he softly said. I have taken the syringe and gave him the usual amount of Hanji Zoe’s latest invention – shifter-paralyzing kind of medicine that he took daily. It was in order to prevent his shifting, and up to this day I didn’t know whether it worked or not simply because he didn’t have a need to shift… ever since he was caught. 

“We’ve been here for days,” Bertholdt sighed. “Has anything new happened?” 

He seemed to be restless. I have watched him closely, a hint of old paranoia upsetting me just to make me uneasy, but I shook that feeling off. I have finished with the syringe, so I took the needle out and wiped a few drops of hot blood off his toned skin, and pressed a small piece of cotton on it. 

“There’s nothing new,” I’ve responded, shrugging my shoulders. But there were some news that I didn’t want to share with him. News about Reiner. There seemed to be some kind of trouble in place where he was currently placed, and Lotte had a lot of difficulty to endure the duress that was building up. 

Once people learned that the Armored Titan was in her custody, they reacted in quite the expecting manner. They tried to kill him. I knew it’s better not to mention this to Berthold, for it would stir his emotions, and affect his behavior. He cared about Reiner, and he cared too much. This would only cause him pain, and regret. Besides… I didn’t want to worry him. After all, Reiner was still alive, and to my knowledge, well-guarded. There was no need to additionally upset Bertholdt over that. 

“What about the trial? Has the date been set?” he wanted to know. 

“Not yet. There’s been a delay due to recent events, with you being attacked and all. The Court is still yet to form. It’s going to be a big deal.” 

“I figured. But we’ve been here for almost two weeks.” 

“Yes. It surely takes time,” I sighed. “But I am okay with that, you know.” 

He smiled. Softly. “I am glad you are, Romy. You… being here with me… it… brings me the great comfort. I just wanted you to know that.” 

I was still sitting next to him, on his bed… in pose leaned towards him – the same as I was while giving him the medication. Our fingertips slightly touched, and his touch was warm. 

“It’s… good to hear that. It really is,” I’ve admitted. His fingers closed around my hand, and he gently pressed it against his chest. 

“Thank you for everything you’ve done. I know it’s been a terrible burden… being with me, fighting for me… but I appreciate it all. I can never truly repay all the sacrifices you’ve made so far.” 

“You don’t need to repay anything.”

I didn’t do all those things because I wanted him to owe me, and some day, repay me. No. I sighed. 

“I won’t be shackling you tonight. I believe we are past that,” I’ve said. 

“Maybe you should. If that man comes back…” Bertholdt looked at the door, like he expected to see the tall horseman there at any minute. He couldn’t know. 

“Regulus will be absent for two days. He’s with Major Amsel,” I’ve pointed out. “So… you can relax for once, and sleep without all those heavy chains on your wrists. We will be alone for a while. You should get some rest.” 

He looked away. He was thinking about something, I couldn’t say what, but he was lost in thoughts, and remained silent. We were sitting there like that for a while. 

“If you need anything…” I’ve started, and just then, he has looked at me. 

“Stay.”

“…”

“You asked whether I needed anything. Stay by my side. That’s what I need right now.”

The sad true was… that he wasn’t the only one who needed it. And maybe, just maybe... I was the one who needed it more. 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

It wasn’t supposed to get to this. He didn’t plan for it to go this far… but it happened nonetheless. 

I guess we should have known at the very moment we’ve agreed… that I’d stay by his side… that this would happen. It started out quite innocently – I have just lied down and hugged him in comfort, and he has leaned onto my chest to listen to my heartbeat. It was something we did before, many times… when he was gravely injured, and when I didn’t know if he’d survive. So… this time wasn’t supposed to be any different. Or was it? 

Strangely enough, the things that aren’t supposed to happen, always find some way to happen, especially if you don’t plan for them. Or… maybe they were supposed to happen, so they just take the unexpected turn… an unexpected way to fulfill themselves. But then, can we really say they were “unexpected” if they were supposed to materialize… or realize in some way?

But again. How can we know for sure if… 

“Romy…” his lips whispered softly against my ear, “… I can almost hear you overthinking.”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It required a lot of courage for me to take that step. Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal to others, maybe it’s just me and I was a coward for not being able to perceive this as any other, normal person would… yeah, maybe it’s just me who makes a large issue out of something to what others clearly refer to as “natural”… but in all honesty, it came all but natural to me. 

His body was surprisingly warm, even before he took his shirt off. I wasn’t really thinking about how he’d feel, but his body temperature was warmer than my own, and it has surprised me for some reason. I was trembling, and not because it was cold in that confined room. On the contrary. The basement was warm, and unlike with most basements, this one was really pleasant to be in. It was clean, warm, and there was even a lot of food and vine down there.

The candles were burning low. They’ve almost died out. Bertoldt was lying on my chest, and I was thinking how he was about to go to sleep… but we were both restless. From the moment he asked me to stay, deep down, I knew… that that time, he meant it in different way. And yet, I still stayed, because in that same deep down, I knew that I want the same. 

I just didn’t know what it would mean. And how it would be. I was terrified, but my curiosity… my desire… both have gotten the better of me. It was my heart that gave me away. It suddenly started beating faster, and I couldn’t breathe. He slowly moved, separating his ear from my heart. He rose up, and turned to face me. 

So I found him… looking at me… with his arms still on me… and he was breathing heavily.

“Bertholdt…” I whispered. I didn’t know what to say. How to say it. 

“There’s still time… to back down, Rosemarie.”

Rosemarie. Call me “Romy”, so I’d know you won’t be angry if I back down.

“Bert…”

“You can still go,” he whispered. “It’s not too late for you to change your mind.” 

He rose up and sat next to me, trying to clear his head. But his face was all red. I could only imagine the color of my own. He was about to stand up. I needed to stop him, so I pulled his sleeve. 

“Bert… I am not going anywhere. And so…”, I couldn’t look at him, “…neither are you.”

I’ve taken his hand. I’ve always loved his hands… his long fingers, and the beautiful shape of his palms. There was something awfully artistic about those hands, and I found it the most attractive. However odd it may sound. 

“Maybe I should… because… I don’t know… what I might do,” he admitted. 

“What are you saying?” I asked. He shook his head. 

“I just think that you deserve… somebody who…”

“Oh, just shut up, Bertholdt.”

I’ve kissed him. I was never the one to take the initiative before, but it felt good for a change. The kiss was clumsy, and I wanted to laugh along the way because I felt nervous and stupid for doing this in the first place… but Bert turned it in a very real, serious kiss. I have stated before that he was a good kisser, but that time… he surpassed all his previous attempts. And I was mesmerized. 

Suddenly, we were sitting in front of each other, facing each other for all those kisses that we lacked. He started removing his shirt, and I helped him with the fabrics, pulling it over his head. I was leaning onto his upper torso to do so, because he was much taller. I only had so much time to admire his abs, and smooth muscles that built up the perfect shape of his torso… for he kept kissing me, and I was almost out of breath. 

“Romy, if we don’t stop now… you might regret this.”

I can’t remember him being that serious in all the times I’ve seen him serious - and I am not exaggerating when I say it was almost his natural state.

“Don’t stop,” I whispered, unable to separate my lips from his own. “Just… don’t, Bertholdt…” 

I have started kissing him in more aggressive way. I needed to reassure him. I needed… to show him how much I needed him. All of him. 

His skin was getting even warmer than before. He started sweating, but it didn’t bother me the slightest. I simply loved everything about him, and for that alone, I was a fool. But I did love him. 

“Don’t say… I didn’t warn you, Romy…” 

He cupped my chin with his fingertips, and I felt his tongue on mine. When I thought I was being the aggressive one, I was just being ridiculous instead – because he showed me what the expression “truly passionate” meant, and why he was warning me that I could’ve and probably should’ve backed down on time. 

Bertholdt was suddenly more confident, more demanding… and he was becoming someone completely different to his shy self - but it didn’t necessary meant it was the bad thing. I liked this side of him. I loved how he was able to clearly say what he wanted, and to do what he wanted… but still had the audacity to ask whether I want it too or not. 

He started unbuttoning my shirt, slowly, steadily, as if he was checking out whether I was willing to go so far. And when he saw that I did, he has removed it in a fast, but swift manner, and started kissing my neck. I’ve started moaning, because he found all the delicate places on my skin. I felt like I was melting from his touch. It was almost like… we were set on fire.

I was still sitting on his lap. He was slowly getting aroused, and I was so nervous that I’ve started biting my lip. I was on the verge to start panicking, but I knew it was irrational. I kept focusing onto his lips, his arms, everything else about him. I’ve started caressing the nape of his neck, his broad shoulders, feeling him further against me. 

Granted, it felt… unusual. Strange. That bulk in his trousers that was slowly hardening… at first, it made me terrified, but also very aroused… since it was pressed directly against my womanhood. He was slowly moving, and I was gasping, trying not to moan in the process. 

“You are… so beautiful…”

I was lost in his embrace, in his breath, in everything he was doing to prepare me for what was coming. Surely, it was quite different to everything I have ever faced in my life, but it wasn’t necessarily the bad thing. It was quite the opposite. He knew of ways to pleasure a woman simply by using his fingers, and his tongue. I never thought it possible, and definitely wasn’t aware that female body could be stimulated in those ways.

I thought I was prepared for the painful part, though. All the girls knew that, at certain point in life, they’d have to go through that kind of pain. Stories were told about the copulation, and even in military, there were often talks about how troublesome that infamous first time could be.

I believed I was somehow ready, even after I actually saw the size of his member. I mean… I didn’t know much or… ‘ve seen much regarding this matter… but even an inexperienced girl like me could tell that he was above average. And the second he was in me, I wanted to scream. The tears just rolled down my cheeks, I couldn’t stop it. He was slowly moving even at the beginning, but when he saw my tears, he just stopped moving altogether. 

“Try to relax. It will ease the pain.”

He wiped the tears away, and he started kissing me again. He started thrusting, holding both of my wrists above my head, and prevented my sobs with his mouth. I felt like I was tearing in two. I couldn’t relax, so it was painful altogether – but the more he was pushing himself inside, the better it felt. Gradually, that pain became somehow endurable, then comfortable, and in the end… it became pleasant. I was out of my breath already, but even more when he increased the rhythm.  

But what made me feel… that ultimate pleasure… was the look on his face. His passionate expression, and that… lustful look in those green eyes. There was something awfully raw about him in that moment, something primal… and something that couldn’t be tamed. I was moaning, and losing it, but he was after his own pleasure, so he changed the pose for a better reach. Not long after me, he reached his own climax, and we were both gasping, trying to slow down our fastened hearts. I was covered in sweat, unable to catch my breath… just lying on those sheets… under him… but I was happy.

So ecstatic that I’ve actually started laughing. Bertholdt seemed surprised, and to my own disbelief... he started blushing. How incredibly sweet.   

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

We were holding each other after that. I was still under all the impressions, so I wasn’t able to sleep. I hoped he did, but it wasn’t the case. 

“Romy…” his lips whispered softly against my ear, “… I can almost hear you overthinking.”

I have buried my head into his collarbone.

“I… I am sorry. I can’t help it.” 

I felt his fingers on my head. He started caressing my hair.

“No. I am sorry for… making you…”

“You didn’t make me do anything that I haven’t already wanted, Bert. Don’t make it sound like you forced me in some way.” 

“I wasn’t thinking clearly…” he hugged me tightly. “I just knew that I needed you. And that I might never get another chance to be… with you… for I am what I am. And… since all of this will be over soon… and since I am about to go to trial…”

“Let’s… not talk about that right now. I don’t know what will happen to us from now on, but… I want to cherish this moment. Just… being here with you. Being… your lover.” 

His lips felt soft on mine. The kiss was filled with warmth and care.

“I like how that sounds,” he smiled, and pressed his index finger against my lips. 

“We should just… run away and let it all go to Hell. The Titans, the Walls, the monarchy, the shifters… all of it.” 

Even when I said it, he knew that I didn’t really mean it. 

“What you should, is get some rest, Romy Sohner.”

I have inhaled his scent. I curled myself in his embrace. 

“Yeah… maybe I should…” 

“Right. Let’s just… cherish the moment.”

He has pressed me against his chest. This time, it was the beating of his heart that made me fall asleep, and his arms that made me feel like I was the safest person in the world.

_How utterly naïve I have been._


	10. Eyes Of A Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **_It was a matter of time she questioned it all._ **
> 
> This chapter is also on my DA page: https://galateabellator.deviantart.com/art/ONE-LAST-WISH-EYES-OF-A-STRANGER-pt-10-696442025

**PART 10 - EYES OF A STRANGER**

I watched him sleep, long after he’s fallen into a slumber. 

His hair felt soft on my touch. I was observing his long lashes, brushed gently against his tanned face. Comparing to him, I always seemed somehow pinkish and pale. 

He seemed so serious and so troubled in his sleep. Moreover, and in a very paradoxical way - he was curled like a baby in my embrace. He was so tired… so terrified of something, and that wasn’t the trial, despite the whole charade. He was a coward, or rather… he pretended to be one. Because, in time of need, he never hesitated. Not when it was about Reiner or Annie. Not even once.

I don’t know whether people bought into his, or Reiner’s current story. Personally, I wanted to believe it. And badly so. Because, that would mean… that there is some kind of a future for me and him, even if that meant that he would be imprisoned… and in chains for the rest of his life. 

He could get a lifetime in darkness, in some dungeon or another, but he would be alive. And I would wait for as long as it would be necessary. Even for a lifetime. Even as his jailer. 

I have sighed, unable to think of a solution where we could keep on with this. He could be executed as a traitor despite the information he would provide, or actions he would take for our sake. 

Whatever I have thought of, it included him being in chains… or dead. Except with this one thing. And I would never dare, not even to think about it, yet alone to do it. But it was an option nonetheless.

But, the more I thought about it, the more it was becoming clear to me. The reason behind all of this. 

My confirmation came through several words, spoken by my lover in his sleep. They came as a soft whisper, a whisper that changed everything. 

_“Soon, Reiner. We are going soon…”_

\- - - - - - - - - -

From all of my past experiences, I’ve came to a certain conclusion. The pain is often disguised as some kind of love… and some kind of hope. Both are the biggest things to destroy you once you give them a chance. 

I mean… that’s how it goes. In the beginning, you have expectations. Those expectations make you feel alive and like you have something to live for. Take me for an example. I’ve lost my whole family to a great Break of Wall Maria, and it has made me heavily depressed, and ruined me to wrecks on the inside. However, per natural instinct, I have gathered myself together, have found some optimistic aspect to life – found the beauty in every sunny morning, clear sky, me being just a girl who enlisted an army and tried to make a change. There I was, trying to study, gain knowledge over the world we were living in, and trying on passing it on to others. Trying to somehow fight off titans, despite the genuine idea being terrifying and most likely to be my demise. 

But I was learning about resisting. Fighting back. And slowly, I was finding myself getting friends among the comrades within the 104th cadet’s unit. 

Ultimately, I found someone whose smile warmed my heart. More and more with each passing day. And his expression was always so naïve, sweet, and radiant. Just like that hope of love that I had for him. That innocent start, that warm hope that filled my heart with joy… turned into a hard, cold blade of pain, driven deep into my heart once I’ve learned… that Marco has died. I felt betrayed by the world once when I lost him… along with some of the closest comrades that I’ve made in the 104th. 

Once again, the fate has cruelly played with me when I started to feel for Bertholdt. He was there for me in an inexplicable way. A way I would never dream he would approach. He was silent, yet gave me all the comfort that I needed. Through his silence, but also his empathy, and his small, yet meaningful gestures. And once again… my wounded heart has started to feel again. It has started to mend with him, to grow with him, and with every new moment we have spent together… I felt like I was beginning to care for him even more. And that hope of love felt like it would last for forever. That’s why it was so dangerous. 

I felt glimmers of hope… like I can look forward into something in life… when I fell in love with Bert. Yet, I was betrayed once more after I’ve learned about the horrid truth. About him being the mass murderer. A warrior. The Biggest Horror of them all. A Colossal Titan. 

And even after that…after assisting into his apprehending… here he is… and here we are.  
We’ve both been through so much that I was surprised we still tried to make anything out of it. Maybe it was… a mutual misery that brought us together, and our fondness… our love… was just a product of our inability to depend solely on ourselves. Maybe this was… too much for the both of us, yet we still wanted it, and decided to have it all. This way or another.

But maybe I should stop saying ‘we’. 

\- - - - - - - - - -

I tried to tell myself that this time, it’ll be different. That we are completely honest to each other. That I have stripped myself bare in front of him, both body and soul… and solely because of my own honesty, I expected that he would do the same for me.   
Yet even now, when closest to me, he still felt distant and like there was some kind of wall around him. I foolishly expected all the barriers to fall, like mine did. I know, I should have given it some time, but we were alone for a several days now, but he didn’t open up, nor shared anything new with me. 

Maybe it had something to do with Aurora, Regulus, and Ezra not coming back. Corporal was reportedly back in the exterior. The big expedition outside walls was planned by Erwin, so her squad rode from Klorva early in the morning. Supposedly, the Beast titan has been spotted somewhere around the area, so the Commander decided to act and activate the closest squad.

I haven’t shared this information with Bertholdt, though. Something deep down told me not to. But I didn’t have to… it turned out that he was somehow aware that the Beast was close. 

His eyes opened and he started staring at me. In that moment, it scared me a bit. We were connected on so many levels that I was now afraid to think my own thoughts in fear that he would immediately read them. 

When did I start to wonder? I wonder. 

For days, we were living here. As a couple. Just a couple. I have stopped shackling him, and we were behaving perfectly normal to each other, and enjoying the newly found bliss. He was kind and warm towards me. For days, I genuinely believed that he loves me. He helped around the house, has rearranging some old documents with me, and reading some of the books from Aurora’s library. 

During the day, we were in the mansion. During nights, he would get into a basement and we would cuddle, happy for the small moments we were able to have and share. 

Or so it seemed. He began withdrawing himself into himself again. I have tried to speak to him but he was somehow… odd. And was slowly turning ill. I immediately assumed why. He was torn.

Torn between his loyalty to his own people… and his current state. State which dictated that… he must be a traitor to someone. He needed to balance the scales. To decide which side is going to win his heart. And I feared… really feared that I already knew the truth, deep down. The scale wasn’t in our favor. 

I was staring at him. 

His eyes were burning green. Something menacing rose like a fire in his gaze, and suddenly, I saw him for what he is. Along with his sweet, shy human part… there was a vicious one. Cold one. A pragmatic, calculative strategist that used everything to his advantage. An apathetic identity that didn’t care for the massive destruction, as long as his goals were sorted out. And his people satisfied. Those from his homeland that made him… fight this war against us. 

“Why are you still awake, Romy?” he softly asked. 

I shook the villain I just saw in my eyes. Dispersed him like smoke. I searched, then found the man that I loved. He was still there.

“I can’t sleep. Too many things to worry about.”

I have kissed him, a small peck in his mouth, and have risen in the bed. I have put my shirt over my head, slowly dressing up. 

“Don’t go.” 

His eyes followed every move that I made. I didn’t know whether it was out of love… or out of watching over what I was doing. But I felt…

“I will be back shortly; I am going to have a glass of water. Do you need anything? Something to eat?” I asked, smiling along the way. I didn’t know whether it would fool him, but I tried my best to look like I wasn’t concerned more that I would be on average. 

After all… we were having a several days of bliss.

“No, nothing except you. I will be waiting,” he smiled back, leaning his head back onto the pillow. He was a beautiful sight. But the more I was watching him, the more my heart sunk.

Was I being couscous, or just downright paranoid? I couldn’t tell the difference anymore.

Suddenly, I felt the urge to talk to someone. Aurora, perhaps. I felt like she would be the only one to fully understand the whole span of emotional complications regarding the situation I was in. I felt like I was going mad with all the assumptions, and deluding myself into conclusions that might, but also may not be necessarily true. 

However, no one, not even her… could know for sure. The only two people who could, were in this house, and sharing the same bed. 

I have taken a glass of water, because my throat felt dry. I sat in the darkness of Aurora’s kitchen, and stared in the watery reflection of me in the liquid surface. 

“Just… what am I to do with you?” I whispered. The darkness didn’t answer. I have quickly emptied the glass and left it in the sink. 

I was supposed to be more mature. More wise. More sure about my own judgement. But everything regarding him was so confusing… and so difficult. From the day I found out that he was responsible for death of everyone that I cared about. 

I could go over everything… or I thought I would… the moment he repented, and showed the genuine feeling of remorse. The guilt was weighing heavily on his shoulders, pressing him, and burying him deep in his despair. And he was beautiful in that despair. Lost, and damned, and everything that made him so wonderfully and believably human.

But I feared what I also saw… a stranger lurking underneath. Dictating the ways of his life, pulling the strings from the darkness. It could be the Beast titan. But we all know it has also something to do with his homeland. Until there’s trial, and he reveals the truth, we can’t know for sure. 

And not even then.

But what is… with me in all of this? If he says that he loves me… and that I am his wish… then why…

“Romy?” the soft voice interrupted my thoughts.

I didn’t hear him coming. His fingers touched my skin, and he lowered his head down so he could lean on my shoulders. He hugged me.

“Something is bothering you. I didn’t want to ask at first, I wanted to give you some space… but since it’s something so serious that makes you avoid me… I would like to know.” 

“Don’t be silly. I am not avoiding you, it’s just… a bit awkward for me.”

I couldn’t face him. I dug my fingers into the chair, pressing. 

“What is?” he asked, and I felt his hand, sliding down my hair. He was caressing me. 

“Our… well…” 

Let’s make this into one of those girly excuses. 

“It’s all so new to me. The love making. Spending so much time together, after dealing with so much stress beforehand. I am getting used to you, and yet… I am not supposed to. I am starting to believe in us, and… hope that we can have something more someday. And hope can be a deadly thing.” 

He knelt down in front of me, and made me look him in the eyes. 

“I know how you feel. It’s the same for me. But I… can’t regret being here with you, because it’s the most genuine thing I felt in a long time. You are… precious to me in ways you can’t even imagine. You make me feel… like a person. Like I am fully me… when I am with you.” 

There. Right there. He was hiding something, but maybe he will open up. 

“What about Reiner? Annie? Your… home?” 

“We have lost. They know it too. Eren is beyond our reach, we can’t do much about that now when they know… about the Reiss dynasty and all. We have lost, and our people know it. I thought you were aware by now.” 

“Bertholdt...”

“Shhh. We’ve talked plenty of them. Let’s focus onto what’s important now. Let’s think about us for a change.”

He has taken my arms and put them around his neck. He has lifted me from the chair and has brought me all the way down into the basement, putting me gently into the bed and then tucking me down. Like I was a little girl. 

“You are saying all the right things at the right times. You know that, Bert?”

He hesitantly smiled, and got under the sheets with me. He has hugged me, and I have hugged him back. I wanted to cry. I felt awful for thinking the way I did, but the doubt planted itself deeply in my core. Was I slowly losing my mind? 

“Right things?” he inhaled my scent, and kissed the lock of my hair. “No. Actually… I don’t. I am just trying to make you feel good, because you are a good person who deserves the best. And I love you.”

The tears slid down my cheeks. I wasn’t able to hold them any longer. 

“I love you too,” I whispered back. “I really do.” 

He wiped my tears off and kissed me. When I was returning the kiss, I just thought… but if you do love me as you say… why aren’t you being completely honest? Why… does the truth have to wait for you to get reunited with Reiner? Why do the information that you have to share… need to be revealed on court? And if you say you love me… why won’t you expose this all to me as someone you can confide in? 

Maybe I was asking too much. Maybe I was being too selfish. 

But ultimately, I wanted the truth. And so… for the truth I asked.

“It’s high time we were absolutely honest with each other. I want you to tell me everything.”

Bertholdt sighed. It was a long, sad and heavy sigh. When I looked into his eyes again… I saw a stranger staring back at me.  

A cold stranger that was a Colossal Titan. There was a very little of Bert left in there.


	11. Sweet Lies And Ugly Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will he betray again? What will she do this time?   
> The story is coming to conclusion soon.
> 
> The chapter is on DA: https://galateabellator.deviantart.com/art/THE-LAST-WISH-SWEET-LIES-AND-UGLY-TRUTH-pt-11-733108870

**PART 11 – SWEET LIES AND UGLY TRUTH**

“Can’t we just stay like this?” he asked. Those words were so difficult that I choked on my answer.

He wasn’t genuinely curious. Nor did he sound upset. He spoke because he felt he should give me another chance to keep on pretending that everything, or almost everything, was like it should be.

“Don’t you want it, Rosemary?” he asked again. 

_Don’t call me like that… I am not Rosemary to you. Or… am I?_

“Star-crossed lovers like you and me, in an embrace that could last forever. So warm. So reassuring. And so sad. Of course I would stay. It’s a bitter-sweet dream after all. Despite all of pain… I would still choose you… but not until I am absolutely sure that you have no secrets in front of me. That was always my only and one condition.”

I have gotten up and wrapped myself in a blanket. 

“Are you implying that I haven’t been honest with you so far?” he has gotten up too and mirrored my movements. He behaved like he was the embodiment of my shadow. 

“Honest? Only to an extent, Bertholdt. I prefer to know the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. No more half-secrets. No more merciful lies. Don’t keep me in the dark. Give me that simple truth, and before the trial, if possible. I want to be able to fully understand you and your motives before I reach the final conclusion.”

“Don’t insist.”

“You know I have to.” 

The man cocked his head and looked me in a cold… and even eerie way. 

“I suppose it had to come to this. I really wished it hadn’t… but I guess it’s the only possible outcome for the two of us. Quite… _natural_ outcome for us. Don’t you think so? My ever-curious, and ever-perceptive Romy. Despite my wanting to withhold some facts, you still see right through me. I knew you would - I am not even surprised at this point - but I expected the bliss to last for just a bit longer. I guess I am selfish like that. I, to my own surprise, wanted to have it all. So…” 

He approached me. His hand reached towards me, and this time, it was me who was surprised… that after all we’ve been through, especially after the last few days… I felt like I was really, genuinely _afraid_ of him. The man that I gave everything up for. 

He had my heart, he had my soul, he had my body. He had my devotion, my loyalty, even my sacrifice. But now… now… 

“There it is. The look that I didn’t want to see.”

“You shouldn’t have lied to me.”

“Come on,” he sounded even angry at this point. “You are too smart to play naïve now.”

He was degrading everything. _Everything between us_. 

“Are you trying to make me feel the blame so you can manipulate me even more?”

“More?” Bertholdt’s eyes shone with some strange hatred that I didn’t recognize. Maybe because I didn’t expect it would be reserved for me.

But sill… he approached me in such a way that made me feel threatened. 

Threatened and cornered. 

When exactly have I begun to feel _unsafe_ by his side? Was this feeling always there, deep within me, cornered and suppressed by my need to have somebody by my side? When did the question start forming within my mind? When? Or always? 

That initial doubt that cut through me, hurt me on the inside - like some kind of razor kept slicing and I kept bleeding with no blood flowing at all. 

When did I begin to feel like I needed to defend myself from him? And even more so…

_Will he really hurt me? How strong can he be?_

“You never meant going to the trial. You never intended on truly surrendering. Was it just our assumption? That we would, no... that we _could_ take you in?” were just the first few questions that I needed to whisper, because I was on the verge of crying. 

He slowly touched the blanket, the fabric tightly wrapped around my shoulders, my torso. It was a small, weak and quite useless form of a defense mechanism against him. His touch. I felt more vulnerable than ever. His fingers crawled against layers, questioning the length of my defense. 

I was starting to feel sick. 

“It's still me. _Look at me_.”

I refused. Nothing of the old Bertholdt has left in those cold eyes, but I still couldn't accept this new, or should I say... old version? Because this one came first. Right? 

So, I had to occupy myself to avoid the pain. The desperation. So, I had to keep thinking. 

“You needed to be here. Didn’t you?”

“There were several things that I needed,” he said. “But, it’s better if we leave it at that, Rosemary.” 

_Rosemary_. 

The tears were piling up. Not because I was scared… but because I was betrayed. Again.

“The truth,” I demanded, yet again. The tears fell. I wasn’t trying to hold them anymore, there was no point. My heart was already broken.  

“You are not going to like it. Maybe it’s better if I kept some things for myself. I honestly don’t want to hurt you even more along the way.”

He spoke softly, but his voice was indifferent. Why does it hurt so much… to be on the other side of that indifference? 

“You don't even care about it. I will always prefer the face of an ugly truth… comparing to a beautiful lie,” I whispered through my sobs. He moved. His fingers were cold against my skin. I slapped his hand away. He doesn’t get to touch me while he breaks me. 

“Sometimes, the truth can cost us more than lies ever did,” he pointed out. “Believe me, I’d know.”

I couldn’t believe that for a second.

“In that case… your truth must have cost you a fortune,” I whispered.

“It cost me everything.”

He lowered his face down so he could look properly at me.

“Haven’t I given enough already? It may not look like it now, but I gave a lot away. My mission. My people. My home. So, don’t talk to me about the sacrifice like I don’t know the meaning of it.” 

He grabbed my elbow. 

“I had to live among you. To pretend that I wasn’t who I was. I couldn’t do a thing to go back to where I used to live. And here? I lived in constant fear! Of being hunted, suspected, murdered! By the Reiss and all like the Reiss family! My sweating? A side effect of constant exposure to stress. Fear. And on top of that, I had Reiner’s own mind to deal with. Do you know how hard has it been? I also had to keep on pretending that I didn’t know Annie. So, you see… it costed me both Reiner… and Annie.”

_Annie? Dear God… Annie. They both stayed for her. The conclusion was quite simple._

“You two... you are here because Aurora moved her. To a different jail. You knew she wasn’t being kept in the same place where you and Reiner were initially cast in. So… you were trying to get close to the northern squad of the Scouting legion – you believed they had the information about her whereabouts. But Reiner had other information. Through Liselotte. There was that rumor about the leader of the West unit… about Coroporal Schwarz.” 

“She is Aurora’s spy. Or, she used to be. If Erwin was going to move Annie away… he would give that task to those he trusted the most. To Levi Ackermann. To Hanji Zoe. To Aurora Amsel. And to Ezra Schwarz,” Bertholdt pointed out. “So… the strategy was simple. We had to split in order to investigate more. But first… it needed to look like we were allies. Like we would surrender, and cooperate. And so, we allowed you to capture us. We surrendered.” 

“You weren’t sure which squad had her. Which team-leader. But that aside… the territory we found you on, was the territory that my captain, Gustav, covered. It was the East unit’s covering ground and our own task. Why were you there?”

As I was forming the question, the answer came just easily. He didn’t even have to confirm it to me. So, I just answered for the both of us. 

“Of course. To make us stray from the original trail. Because, if you indeed used those specific locations, Aurora would have suspected something. Or she wouldn’t, but someone else would. In order to make your story more believable, it had to look like it was coincidental.”

“And in doing so, we knew we would still end up in Aurora’s domain. After all, her spies are the most reliable to Erwin.” 

All that in order to get Annie. I bit my lip. Swallowed the humiliation. 

“But none of them have what you need. None. Because there’s only one person in total… who knows where she’s at now.” 

Berthold looked at me. “Aurora. She’s been moving her several times… unbeknownst to me, or Reiner.”

I shook my head. “No. Not Aurora. But I won’t be foolish anymore and let the name slip, just because you are on the verge of kissing me again.”

The sensation was still there. Tangling in the air between our lips. Why?

“And if I were on the verge of killing you instead?” he asked coldly. 

“At this point, kissing me and killing me... are the very same thing, coming from you.” I stated.

His fingers traced my nape. My hair.

“Don’t. Don’t you dare,” I demanded. 

“Or you will do… what? You are all alone. There’s no one to protect you - but you.”

I gasped. His arms were around me once again.

“Don’t paint me black just yet, Rosemary.” 

“You don’t have to bother anymore! Just, stop it! Playing with my emotions, with my life, toying with it all just because I allowed myself to be naively deceived by a heartless bastard like you. I won’t fall for it all again! You lied… all this… was just a pretense! You used me. You used me… because… you knew… that I was weak. That I was vulnerable.”

I’ve started shaking. Suddenly, the thought came to mind. 

“Marco... tell me about Marco.”

He shook his head. “There’s no point.” 

“Bertholdt… just, tell me!” 

To Hell with everything.

The look in his eyes… my God, that look… 

“There was nothing we could do.” He uttered. Sadly. Suddenly, he didn't seem that cold and inhuman.

“He found out about us. He heard us talking.”

Them? Right. Reiner. Annie. Bertholdt. Right after Eren’s first transformation. 

“The secret was out… so… we had to take away his gear… we had to. We couldn't compromise the mission.” 

They… took his gear?

“We had to strip it away. We had to… leave him there… and…” 

And I broke. I’ve started screaming, going into hysterics. I was screaming, crying, sobbing, and uncontrollably shaking. I wanted someone to hear. To come. To find us. To save me from this pain. 

_“You killed him! You killed him! **I wish you have died instead**!”_

I have pushed him, but he took my wrists and pressed me against himself. 

“We had no choice,” he tried to calm me down, but I was hitting him. 

A lot of good that did. “You had every choice!” 

“To surrender? To confess? And as hard as it has all been, I couldn’t just make things go that far without obtaining the true objective. We needed to go home!” he pushed me onto bed and nailed me down. “You need to stop, now. You need to calm down.”

“You killed him! My God, you killed the best person in my life! You killed the only one that I…” 

Marco… if only… I was around to see too… maybe this tragedy would have ended very differently.

That dream that I had… the vision of Marco, staring coldly at me… was because I subconsciously knew. Knew what Bertholdt was capable of doing. Of what he was.

 _You would still be alive. Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie would be dead… or captured…. If only I had been aware sooner._

“None of us wanted to do it! Not even one! But we had to. Romy… we had to.” 

“You coward. You cruel, disgusting creature! I hate you, you monster!”

“Monster?” Bertholdt grabbed my wrists. “I have done nothing but cooperated ever since you caught me. I have been meek. I’ve even let you persuade me. Ave me. Manipulate me. Chain me. I was almost ready to give my life as warrior… away.” 

He sounded convincing. Damn this charade. 

“Nobody manipulated you. The only liar… is you. With your precious Annie. And Reiner. You all make me sick.” 

“Do we? Do I?”

He asked. _The Colossal Titan_ in him asked. 

“You will never get her back. Your Annie. She has been moved several times now – and the one person who knows where she is… is unknown to me. No one here knows.” 

I wanted to hurt him. I really did. 

“Doesn’t matter. I can find her myself.”

His eyes turned towards the syringe that I have been holding next to his bed for the past few days.

“You… and Reiner… have been somehow communicating. Through your thoughts? No. Memories?”

“Ever since the dose stopped. That aside, we agreed on our next strategy.”

Bertholdt must have seen the surprise on my face… because he wanted to explain.

“I could’ve broken free a long time ago. I just chose not to.”

His words gave me the shivers.

“You were held… in the most secured prison we had… with the best equipment and resources that we could muster… in the most difficult conditions there were. You have tried to take your own life because of it. Has it all just… been an act?” 

“I can endure a lot of pain. I can also suppress my regeneration. I have done both in that dark place, and I did it in order to look weak. To make everyone think that I am not nearly as dangerous as they believed me to be after the big reveal. It had to seem like I was completely and utterly broken, and that I was going to do anything, say anything on that trial to just… remain in the grace of this world. They had to believe that their technology was enough… to keep me tamed. For a while, it could have even been called 'effective'. My suicide attempt… you won't believe it, but I don't have a reason to lie anymore… was genuine. For several reasons. I could break free on my own, though.”

“You tried to kill yourself… why would you? You still haven’t found Annie. Or obtained Eren’s coordinate. On top of that you are saying that Hanji’s serum… doesn’t work anymore?”

“It used to work back then. The first several times were really damaging and made me fell useless. They successfully blocked my transformation. But you will find… that my titan-structure is far superior to the limited resources of Paradis Island. My cells adapt to changes and now absorb Hanji’s serum like it’s a natural, familiar fluid in my organism. Meaning…”

“It can’t keep you from transforming anymore.” 

I felt cold. I was sweating this time. His words were starting to affect me that way.

“It can’t. See… I am conflicted at this very moment. I had to co-exist in a world that I was forced to ruin at first. That was very tiresome, and very stressful to me. I am a warrior by birth, by heart. My duty lied solely to Liberio… to our families… to our safety… the mission… the program… but ever since Marcel died… Reiner, Annie and I… were forced to abandon our mission and hide within your walls… everything changed.” 

He released his grip. 

“Indeed it has!” 

The Colossal Titan. The Armoured Titan. They could break the Walls again. For Annie, I have no doubt… that they will. Bertholdt…

 _I have to kill him. My God… I have to kill him now._

“You must love her very much,” I whispered. “But even in that case… there was no need to use me. To lie to me… to tell me that you want me. To lie that we had something. That’s too cruel, even for someone like you. You didn’t need to go that far. I would have helped you even without that.” 

I covered my eyes. I was so deeply ashamed and humiliated that I had the urge to tear myself to pieces. 

“Romy. Look at me.” 

I couldn’t. 

“Look at me.”

I still couldn’t. 

He leaned down. “For all I am, this is the only truth – I loved Annie, but now I love you. I didn’t plan for it, it just happened. The seed of that love was planted deep… on that day when I saw you crying for him. It changed everything. I fought it in the beginning. I couldn’t live with myself. At first, I thought I could, but it broke me… that way you cried for him. The roses grew, like my love grew… so whenever I picked them for you just made the pain of killing everyone bigger. And it haunted me every day. The guilt, the remorse… I just couldn’t live with myself any longer… and I couldn’t believe that I have fallen for you, of all people. You, that I’ve hurt the most. My surrender… the capture… was partially due to that. The torment that I had endured in the dungeon was also… my sick way of asking for atonement. In your eyes. In your heart. But even then, I was a coward… and I couldn’t just tell. That everything was a charade. Once more.”

“That you don’t plan on going to trial.” 

“That I am planning to escape again,” he nodded. “I know these hands are covered in blood. These hands of a mass murderer. But you could love me once for the monster that I am. Do you think you could do it again?”

I wasn’t sure where this was going. “What are you…” 

“I love you. With every bit of this wretched soul. I want you to come with me.”


	12. Ultimatum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They suffocate.
> 
> https://galateabellator.deviantart.com/art/THE-LAST-WISH-ULTIMATUM-pt-12-739957204

**_Warning: Delicate themes, mention of attempted suicide._ **

**PART 12 – ULTIMATUM**

He has lost his mind. For sure. Of all people in the Walled World… he’s decided to ask me to join him? Is he… serious? Is this… another test? Is he teasing? Challenging me in some way? Is he… mocking me? Because… after all that happened… to just ask me to go with him… and to come with him… is just absurd. To come… 

“Where?” I’ve asked. My head was already starting to hurt from the speed of my overflowing thoughts. I was trying to understand everything. Every perspective… every angle… but I could only do so much without all the disposable information. I was also trying to control my rage, my pain, my disappointment, my surprise to this unusual and sudden proposal… and foremost, I tried to sort out my overlapping feelings towards the person in front of me. 

I’ve started putting my clothes on. My fingers were trembling, my whole body was shaking… yet, I felt numb… and I felt ruined. By him. In all possible ways.

“We have a meeting point. Reiner and me,” he answered. 

So, he won’t tell me. Not clearly, for that matter. Which means he distrusts me too. I am not the only one who needs to stay cautious.  

“I have a few days to reach it,” he said.

Reach? Maybe… if I reach for my belt, for my knife… or if I just… no. No. There wouldn’t be enough time to get it. The syringe won’t work either. Or… would it? Maybe he was lying. Maybe the serum is still effective, and he is just trying to buy time. But it felt like it was the truth… maybe precisely because of the pain of it. Pain of how devastating the truth was this whole time. 

“You think I would just… what? Pick up my things and go with you? You find me that pathetic?” I wanted to know, and hear it from him.

“I find you practical and of strategic mind. I am not offering you this to lure you into a trap, or make you my accomplice. I am not trying to fool you again, I am just desperate. I want you to join me because I want you to be with me.”

“With you and Annie?” I asked. The bitter taste of her name rolled off my tongue. They should be together. I mean, it was obvious that he liked her. And since they are both shifters, with the same guilt, same burden, and the same mission, they are, quite possibly, the ideal couple. Or would make one. If she has only reciprocated his feelings. They have even killed Marco together, and if that’s not something to bond over, I don’t know what it is.  

“Do you have to do this now?” he put his trousers on. I evaded looking at his body, like I wasn’t making love to him just a half an hour before. It was becoming unbearable to look. To remember. 

Could I strangle him? Not likely. Chain him up again? I doubt it. Would I be able to win in a close combat? Highly unlikely. He is, after all, more skilled and more experienced in battle. He is stronger than me. More swift, agile, better coordinated. And if it came to my life against his own, I doubt that he would hesitate. After all… they killed Marco because they believed they had to. I mean… if he really believes he must kill me, he will most certainly do it. Right?

But, even so… why can’t I believe it? Because his lies were… too convincing? Because I am currently not able to process this in a logical way, because I am too in love with him and I can’t see clearly? 

“You obviously love her. Why would you bring me with you, unless it’s for some sort of… protection? As a shield? Do you plan to use me as a way to escape?”

Can I do anything at all?

I mean, he is a murderer. A mass murderer, like he said. He killed my family. My siblings. My parents. Marco. Everything I’ve had, I’ve lost because of him. That alone should make me resent him, and make my resolve strong and unshakable. He is loyal to his people. Why can’t I be loyal to mine? Is my devotion weaker? Am I worse because I am like that? Am I despicable? 

My lips couldn’t move. I wasn’t able to speak. I’ve removed the blanket, and walked towards the window. We were on the second floor, because I have trusted him enough to move him from the basement. 

It’s high enough. Maybe my reflexes would do something, but that something wouldn’t be enough without my maneuver gear. It would be over in seconds.

To avoid any hesitation, I’ve run towards the window. And that was the moment I felt I would be free. He screamed in terror, I could feel his steps behind… but I was faster. The window glass has broken, digging deep into my arms. The fresh, night air filled my lungs. Is this how the birds feel? 

I expected a fall. I didn’t feel the blood, or the pain. He was faster after all.   

But even that moment, he had to ruin, and take away from me. He grabbed me, pulled me away from the frame, and dragged me away. I’ve started hitting him, but it was hard to hit him with all the cuts and shards of glass in my skin. I just gave up. I sat down, and felt nothing as he started cleaning the cuts from my arms.

“You don’t get… to do that either. You don’t get to run away.” 

I’ve started crying. It was pitiful, really… I have covered my face with my hands, and started crying in despair. I couldn’t take it anymore. What have I done? How have I mistook his actions for kindness? For warmth? For love? 

We shortly switched places. From nursing him, I’ve come to sit and let him nurse me for a change. It was ironic and almost funny. As he was wrapping the bandages around under my elbows, I’ve started questioning that most recent act. It wasn’t a suicide attempt, though I had the urge to hurt myself. I just hoped he would reach and I wanted him to act like he still cared. If he didn’t, he would have just let me drop. But, it has been a dangerous gamble. 

And they claim I am the smart one. I wonder… if Armin would have seen it all in time. I bet he would. I also bet he would be practical, logical and reliable – unlike me, who have disappointed firstly myself, then all of the other people that I was supposed to honor. And that goes for both the living, and dead ones as well. 

I could stare in the mirror the whole day and I still wouldn’t be able to recognize myself. Because I just couldn’t phantom that this girl is who I am now. A lame, weak creature who can’t even fight the monster who ruined her whole life. 

I faced him. The man I thought I knew.

His eyes kept scorching me like a poison, kept soiling my soul, and I knew there was no salvation for me. As far as I was concerned, he could have just burned it all to the ground - this house, this bed. And me along with it all. I don’t think I would even be able to move, make a step, do anything… to save myself. I lacked the desire to fight for my own life.  

That’s the power of annihilation, mistakenly called “love” by those who were more lucky than me.  
It’s just not fair… to have everything you want in a single person, and to have that very person betray you in worst possible ways. And on top of that, multiple times. And yet, above all of that, he hasn’t even apologized for… well, none of it.

He probably never will, because his point of view drastically differs from my own, his whole philosophy is absolutely different to ours. To him, we are the evil ones, the enemies, and the people who… are... what are we to him, exactly?

Whatever he may think, I don’t really care. He killed me on the inside. 

I loved, and I loved the wrong person.  

But what’s even worse than that… and maybe the worst of it all… is that pathetic inability to bring myself down to kill him. I just can’t. I am weak like that. I have always been, especially when it came down to him. I had a chance once, and I should have, but I couldn’t have. It felt like I was just… cursed to love him and feel the pain of that mistake for as long as I live. 

“Please… don’t. I can’t… I can’t take it,” he uttered. He covered his eyes with his fingers, as if he was about to wipe them away. 

“You ruined… everything…” I was whispering, because if I was talking, my voice would be shaking. 

“You took, and you deceived, and you lied, and you betrayed, and I was a stupid, naïve fool who believed you. But in reality… you loved her. Only her. Always. Haven’t you? Just, admit it already. I was a pawn. A laughable, pitiful girl who fell for you, not only once, but twice. Just, how stupid does one need to be to make the same mistakes so many times?”   

He sighed. It was a long, heavy sound, and he seemed genuinely tormented. 

“Romy. Stop thinking like that. This revelation doesn’t make you a fool. It only shows what I truly am – in regard to you - a deceiver, a coward, a villain. But, have I wanted to lie to you further, I would never have confessed this. Never reveal the plan to leave Mitras, and meet with Reiner. I need you to listen.”

“Are you seriously going to try to persuade me further? This is unbelievable, even for you.” 

“Please… please, listen.” 

He had to wipe away more tears. He was crying. I didn’t think he would… but his tears… were real.

“I know it’s hard to believe me now, but the part I was completely honest about… was that I loved, and that I still love you. It costs me a great deal. I am not supposed to feel this way, and yet… I do. It’s stronger than me. Bigger than me. I can’t run from it. I know I tried. Many times. But you… just affect me that way.” 

“What are you saying? That I am some kind of temptation? A… a test, that you need to pass? Is that it? I know how you feel about Annie. Everyone knew. I was just dumb enough to lie to myself that I could have something… precious… and mine. But that was never the case. Your heart only belonged to her. All of this time.” 

We were both crying in that moment. We weren’t able to stop.

“I am not going to lie. Annie was… something very special in my life, and I can’t neglect that I have liked her for the longest I could remember. From… since we were children. Because I couldn’t help but feel that she was like me in so many ways, but also… much stronger. She didn’t need anyone, while I always needed someone to survive. To be around. To share my burden. But, at one point, I’ve stopped feeling that way. My love for her… has changed. She still matters to me. I do love her, still care about her and I would protect her any way I can… but it’s not the same anymore. I’ve changed… with you, and because of you. And in that, I need you to believe me.”

“Well, you’ll forgive me if I don’t, given your constant need to lie.”

“But this time, it’s the truth. You have every right not to believe it, but it is. And I am sorry. I know it’s my fault, but I can’t make a better choice, except to invite you to come along. I can’t stay here. Everyone is at my throat – your unit, your Commander, your whole legion… and not just the military – the civilians too. My victims. My persecutors. I feel like… suffocating… just by staying here. I’ve had enough, I want to go home. And I want to take Annie and Reiner back to our homeland. Back to my hometown, Liberio. And I want you to go there, with me. So, I am coming clean. You, at least, deserve that much.”

He stood close enough to me, but not as close to make me feel threatened. 

“A coward like me, a liar like me… only gets a chance or two to be honest with someone he has wronged. And while I might have lost all my chances for persuasion and forgiveness, I really don’t have anything to hide anymore. I am becoming bare in front of you. All of my sins weight heavily on my shoulders, but this is the truth. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone in my life.”

I sobbed when he spoke those words. _No. No, you don’t. And I will prove it_.

“But if I choose to stop you, or get in a way of your mission… you will kill me. Won’t you?” I offered. 

He was thinking. Deciding. Just like I was. 

When he spoke again, he was serious, but tears were still visible on his cheeks. 

“You need to leave this all behind. All of it. This rotten world, the Walls, this cage that takes your freedom away from you.”

“Let me get this straight - you want to save me? How heroic. Has it occurred to you that this cage is my home? That I have some sort of life in here? That I have friends? Comrades? My duties?”

“You can have all of it with me. You can make friends, or… have other duties. We can make a home. Any home we like. Anywhere we like, but not here. This damn island has ruined more than you can imagine.” 

Island? 

“What island, now?” What is he talking about? “Explain it to me.”

“The Paradis Island. But, we don’t have time for that. I will explain once you join me.”

That again. 

“No. I won’t be blackmailed. I want you to tell me everything, so I can bring my own decision. I want to be the one who gets to decide. Not the other way around.”

“Maybe I am too much a coward to allow you to reject me. I simply… won’t have that. So, we are going to pack a few things, and you are going to come with me. I have tried to give you time to come to terms and accept it, but bow, it’s non-negotiable.” 

His determination surprised me. 

“Bertholdt. Have you finally lost your mind? Are you trying to threaten me?”

He was staring at me. Then, he has decided to surprise me even more.

“Romy. Like I said, it’s non-negotiable. If you don’t come, I will turn. I will break the Wall. I am not bluffing.”

The sound of a carriage suddenly echoed throughout an empty street. 

_Regulus was coming back home._


	13. Ever Deceiver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Did you expect that?**_
> 
> The chapter is posted on my DA page: https://galateabellator.deviantart.com/art/THE-LAST-WISH-EVER-DECEIVER-pt-13-750829371 - visit if you want :)

**PART 13 – Ever Deceiver**

**_\-------- now --------_ **

I’ve slowly opened my eyes, only to find that I woke up in a hospital room. I slept without dreams, and was probably heavily medicated prior to my awakening. However, as soon as I was awake, the pain struck in, along with unsurprising realization that my body was covered with bandages, and over the multiple places. 

Both of my arms were covered, as well as the most of my head and my face. I didn’t feel my legs… and I couldn’t bear to think about the consequences I might have to face regarding that area. To not be able to walk again… I couldn’t stand the very thought of it. So… I was trying not to panic. I was breathing heavily. My lungs have suffered a massive hit, and I was giving my best not to get over-emotional. 

The damage was done… and the damage was real. There wasn’t one place left that didn’t hurt. 

After a few further seconds of trying to adapt to my current situation and surrounding, I figured that I wasn’t alone. Distant whispers echoed throughout the room, and I’ve realized that another patient was sharing the room with me. A military patient… or was it two? Wait. Three? 

No… there was a group of them. A whole unit that was supposed to subdue Bertholdt. 

**_\-------- then --------_ **

“Regulus! Help! He is about to transform into Colossal Titan!” I yelled, in pure despair. In pure terror. The footsteps resonated throughout the house. Regulus wasn’t alone. A single moment will define everything. I looked into my prisoner. Into my failure. 

And I will never… ever… forget the look on Bertholdt’s face. 

And I most certainly will never… forget the force he used… to break me up completely. 

**_\-------- now --------_ **

I looked to a table next to my bad. It had a single vase with a red rose in it. I swallowed and frowned, feeling the sharp pain in my chest. I gasped.

This must have been Regulus, and he probably had the best intention. However, getting roses recently caused the appalling effect on me. 

“Cadet Sohner?” Aurora Amsel’s voice addressed me directly. I have tried to face her properly by raising at least my torso up… but I couldn’t manage in doing so. 

“Don’t strain yourself, dear. You are badly injured. You have been… in critical condition for several days,” she sat on my bed. In that moment, I’ve recognized the goggles and the ponytail. 

I’ve realized that Hanji was standing next to her. 

“The prisoner… must have used quite a force to cause this kind of damage to you,” she pointed out.  
   
I was looking at the ceiling, because looking at bricks was simply better than looking at either of them. My tears were shameful. I wasn’t supposed to get this emotional in front of so many people.

“I take that… he escaped?” I asked, and the tone was deep and unusual for me. It probably had something to do with my throat being swollen and sore. 

“He did.” Humanity’s strongest soldier was the one who spoke this time. I turned my head slowly to face Corporal Levi. “We were turned into fools yet again. Factions of shifters… emerging… and we couldn’t manage to keep the most important pair in our custody to get the least bit of information. We were stupid… and we were greedy, wanting to take everybody down in one take.” 

“We were naïve,” a matter-of-factually voice expressed someone else’s presence.  

That person was sitting next to Levi. She spoke clearly and everyone looked towards her - including me. There was no mistaking that raven hair. It was longer, and styled in multiple braids, tied in a ponytail. Corporal Schwarz was dressed in civil clothes and she looked like she was pretty roughed up. She looked like she was recovering well, though. 

“We were stupid, and also naïve. We wanted to believe in humanity of those who weren’t even humans,” she said.  

Regardless, she wasn’t there when… when he escaped. Nor was Corporal Levi. Had the things been different... had any of the two been present back when everything turned wrong… the Colossal shifter would have been apprehended in no time. I was certain of it. 

But, having a mission where the other shifters were searched for, and hunted by the Central Unit…. we lacked soldiers. And thus, by being divided, we risked greatly… and by wanting even more, we lost what we already had. How was that saying, again? _Much wants more and loses all?_

_Like me. Just like me._

“Not to mention unorganized as well. The whole fucking thing just backfired at us.” 

Corporal was looking at someone next to her. That someone returned the gaze towards her.

“This is not a time to point out the mistakes. The result is… what it is, and we have to act quickly if we want to keep up with the chase.”  

Commander Smith exuded nothing. He kept his cold and professional demeanor, and I was sure that his new plan, whatever it may have been… had already been set in motion. Erwin was never the one to lose time. Assets, maybe… but never the time.  

“Well, I feel like a fucking retard. I have been fucked over not once, but twice,” Ezra has risen from her seat. “What are we going to do about this?” 

“First… we are getting the official statement from cadet Sohner. Then, we are deciding the course of action.”

“I… was guarding prisoner Hoover for several weeks. After his removal from prison, he was moved to Aurora Amsel’s manor. I kept giving him serum that Captain Hanji Zoe concocted, and he didn’t protest about taking it. He was very obedient. He wasn’t hostile. Or… at least, he didn’t appear to be. He behaved like… well. He was cooperative, and seemed like he was collaborating.” 

“And then… what?” Levi asked. 

“Then… he revealed that neither of them… were actually going to a trial. They were lying. The serum didn’t work anymore, not against them… and it couldn’t prevent his shifting.”

“So, he suddenly threw a tantrum. Very much like the Armored one.”  

Levi looked up at Corporal Schwarz. She crossed her arms. 

“So, both of them behaved in the same way. We just weren’t suspicious enough, nor persistent enough in that original suspicion. The only difference between these two cases… is that Liselotte Metzger is a deserter and a traitor, a collaborator who sided with shifters… and you, cadet Sohner, have seemingly tried to do what you thought was best.” 

“He killed my family. My friends. He took everything from me, not once, but twice. I feel no empathy towards that monster,” I stated. I couldn’t face the strength of her eyes. She didn’t say a word, and yet, it felt like… she was judging me. And she was right to do so. 

The emotional involvement didn’t help in doing our jobs. I speak for Liselotte and me both. 

It was a mistake to allow us to be keepers of men… no, of shifters… who, prior to everything, meant so much to the both of us. We thought we knew better. We thought we were better and that we wouldn’t get our emotions cloud our judgement. But, we both failed. Each in our own way. 

But, Lotte was… so much more honest with herself than I have ever been with me. And now, she was on the run. With Reiner. Bertholdt might join them soon, if he hasn’t already. 

“Where do you think… would be their meeting point?” Hanji asked. 

“Somewhere in Wall Rose. They won’t risk meeting in here.” I said. 

Ezra looked at Hanji. She sighed.

“Damn… this whole thing is a disaster…” 

And not because the serum didn’t work. She knew that much. 

“Did Hoover add… anything more specific?” Ezra approached my bed.

“He said they would use… the underground canals to reach one of the villages in Rose. He didn’t get any more specific than that. He was careful not to share crucial parts with me.” 

Because… he didn’t trust me. Right?

“What about transport? Food? They can’t just disappear in crowd. Nor can they go five days without food or water. Someone would see them by now. They are the most wanted fugitives as it is. Something really doesn’t add up.”  

Schwarz was saying what everyone else was probably asking themselves too. 

“I believe they arranged that… Reiner picks him up at some point. I really don’t know anything else.” 

I wasn’t looking at any of them. 

“Did he ask you… to help him?” Aurora wanted to know. 

“He… he asked me to come along.” 

I didn’t see the purpose of hiding that part. 

“And you chose not to,” Ezra raised her brow. She kept staring at me in uncomfortable way. That’s where I lost my calmness. 

“Yes. His betrayal hurts, Corporal. I wish to see him in custody more than any of you, because he has been fooling me for as long as I have been around him. And even that aside, his agenda is obviously wrong. I don’t share it, in any way, and I don’t like your implying that I might feel the same way as cadet… no, deserter Metzger does. Although similar, our situations do differ. And if you don’t believe my words, believe my actions. I called for help. I tried to stop Hoover. And if all my injuries, which are consequential to my choice to serve humanity, don’t persuade you… well, I believe that nothing will. I won’t try to change your mind, whatsoever.”  

Much to my surprise, she smiled. She was looking at me, thinking about something… and she smiled.

She has gently touched my face, feeling the fabrics that covered my skin. For a moment, I even thought I saw her eyes filling with her own tears.  

“No need for that. Just… recover soon, and recover well, cadet Sohner,” she said. Her hand felt warm against the fabrics. She removed it a moment too soon. 

“We should all go and let Rosemary get some rest,” Aurora said. “She can give us, if needed, a more detailed report when she gets better.”

“Well… I believe that everything is pretty much clear at this point,” Hanji sighed. “No need to keep harassing the young cadet.”

“You have been through a lot, Red,” Levi said, alluding to some other times when we were hunting the Colossal titan, and make some sort of bond where he even gave me that nickname. 

“Sir…”

“We will sort everything out. Make the recovery your priority, and we will take care of everything else.” He seemed… upset. He has never openly showed these kind of emotions before… and to think it was for me, made me flattered… and guilty. Really guilty. 

He looked towards Ezra. She sighed, obeyed, and stepped out of the room, but not before giving me the last concerned look.

“Let’s go. There’s a report you need to give. Shitty glasses… are you coming?” 

Hanji joined the two. They’ve already left when Erwin decided to speak again. 

“We shall talk more when you get better. You were in critical condition for days. At some point, we even… weren’t sure that you would make through - but luckily for us, you are a fighter. We thank you for your service in guarding prisoner Hoover. It must have been very… challenging and painful to go through all of this. Both psychically and physically.”

“Thank you, Commander. I wish I was of more use.”

He saluted… and decided to leave me with Aurora. She seemed tired. Her right arm was plastered. 

“What happened to your hand?” I asked.

“This? Another shifter situation. An aberrant female shifter appeared among our soldiers from the western unit. It was Ezra’s associate, Christiana Fitzgerald. And not only her… several others surfaced out as shifters… one of them being Albert Holbein too. Strangely enough… he is a Colossal Titan, but not from the same place as Bertholdt Hoover. It also appears they don’t interfere with each other’s groups… and they seemingly have different agendas.” 

She stroked her cast. “It aches a bit, but it doesn’t hurt. I can’t complain, especially since you’ve been through worse.” 

**_\-------- then --------_ **

There was that look. 

Then, he has hit me over the face. It was tormenting. It was… disgusting. 

“You should have taken the offer.” 

He hit me once in the stomach too. I’ve lost my balance when he did. 

“You should have chosen me,” he said, filled with unbearable pain.

We were gasping. I was trying to protect my head from other hits. 

“Finish it. Do it, you coward! You pathetic, disgusting creature!” I yelled for everyone to hear.

He screamed.

Finally, he has pushed me through the window with all of his strength. It was unlike anything I have felt… from him, or from others. Such… enmity. Hostility.

We fell together, and I don’t know whether it has been luck, or fate… or some other thing I don’t believe in… but he landed under me, relieving my fall. It was still… hellish. To go through something like that. 

When he got up, steam rose up from his wounds. It took a few moments before he suppressed the healing. He also took a moment to look at me, from above… and what a sight it must have been.   
Wounds. Blood. By his own hand. 

“It was never supposed… to get this far…” he whispered, through tears in his eyes. 

I was looking at him. I whispered his name… 

… and he ran. 

**_\-------- now --------_ **

Aurora was guessing what I was thinking about. It wasn’t that hard at all. 

“I am sorry it came to this, dear. I know that you two…”

“Whatever there might have been between us is over. It’s over from the moment he decided to deceive me for the sake of his people, and at the cost of my own. Humanity must come first.” 

_Humanity above everything else. Isn’t it what you all want to hear?_

Was Lotte selfish to choose her own happiness instead of others? No. Lotte was honest. Lotte was brave. Lotte came straight forward with her decision this time. No games. No excuses. Just pure and raw… decision. _Reiner_. No matter the cost.

On scales between the world and Reiner… she chose Reiner. She tried to choose comrades the first time she learned that he was an Armored Titan, but this time, she chose him, because she loved him.

It wasn’t smart or logical to make that choice. It was purely emotional. 

_Were they worthy of that choice?_

“Regardless… I am sorry, Rosemary. You cared about him. He just isn’t the man you thought he was.” Aurora seemed genuinely sad about it. 

But what she didn’t know… was that he was. More than not… he was. 

“No ma’am. But lessons must be learned, one way or another.” 

“True that. You speak wisely. You are a clever girl, Rosemary.” 

Aurora had walked away… and I had all the time needed to question my choice. 

There’s that thing about being logical. You know exactly what you need to say, or do… when the situation requires. 

**_\-------- before they arrived --------_ **

Regulus was coming. There wasn’t much time. 

He brought other people. I had to improvise.

“I hate you, Bertholdt. I hate you for doing this to me…”

“Come with me, or I will transform…”

“You won’t. I know you won’t, and yes, I do think you are bluffing, so shut up and let me think.” 

I needed to buy him some time. But that was a problem… _there wasn’t time_. 

Regulus wasn’t a man you could persuade, or distract from his orders. 

Well… at least, not in the conventional way. 

“You need to hurt me,” I whispered. 

“What are you…”

“In physical way. You need to hurt me, hurt me bad… and it has to be believable.” 

“The Hell I will…” he weakly stated. 

There was no need to remind him that he has hurt me enough already. He knew that. But to hurt me further… 

“You have to. They will never believe me otherwise.” 

“You are choosing them. Why would I have to…”

“Because I am choosing _you_ , you fool,” I was probably crazy to choose the traitor.

“But…” 

“Now. You have to do it, so you can come back for me. If I go with you, and they come after us…”

“You are going… to distract…”

“Yes. And you are going to run, as far as you can.” 

“Reiner… and Lotte… have used the underground tunnels. They will be heading towards the Wall Maria soon.”

Tunnels. They won’t be seeing the daylight for a while. For… weeks, actually. But that would be the least of their concerns. It’s risky. The tunnels could be blocked. Rocks could fall on them. They could die. But… they obviously think it’s worth a shot.

“I will make sure to find a way to go to Maria… but you… be sure to come for me. God, I must be crazy for believing you yet another time…” 

“You can trust me. _I promise_.”

 _And your mission? Annie?_

“You will get to prove that. Now… hit me.” 

“Romy…” 

**“Regulus! Help! He is about to transform into Colossal Titan!”** I yelled, in pure despair. 

The despair, because I didn’t know whether it would work. In pure terror, for this could fail… and in fear for his own life. Moreover... he wouldn't do it otherwise. 

The footsteps resonated throughout the house. Regulus wasn’t alone. 

A single moment will define everything. 

I looked into my prisoner. Into my failure. _I am failing everyone because of him._

_I am the same… Lotte… I am like you…_

And I will never… ever… forget the look on Bertholdt’s face. 

_For he was even more horrified by what he had to do than me by my own decision._

And I most certainly will never… forget the force he used… to break me up completely. 

_For I was sure that it broke him on the inside more than it hurt me._

There was that look. 

The sad, sad look, filled with remorse. He trembled. He was biting his lips. He lowered down to touch me. I shook my head. 

“Harder,” I whispered. He hesitated. I repeated. 

Then, he has hit me over the face. It was tormenting. It was… disgusting. 

_To him, even more than it was to me._

“You sh-should have t-taken the offer,” he said. The tears slid down his face. I nodded.

He looked like a boy... like a child. 

He hit me once in the stomach too. I’ve lost my balance when he did. 

It was really painful, but it had to be done. 

“You should have chosen me,” he said, filled with unbearable pain. He was tearing himself apart.

We were gasping. I was trying to protect my head from other hits. 

For the looks of it, in case that someone showed up. And with the same goal…

 **“Finish it. Do it, you coward! You pathetic, disgusting creature!”** I yelled for everyone to hear. 

He screamed. He was breaking… 

But finally, he has pushed me through the window with all of his strength. It was unlike anything I have felt… from him, or from others. Such… enmity. Hostility. And he cried… and cried… 

We fell together, and I don’t know whether it has been luck, or fate… or some other thing I don’t believe in… but he landed under me, relieving my fall. It was still… hellish. To go through something like that. But he tried to protect me as much as he could. 

The audience has arrived. Regulus was looking down… with horrid look on his face… and others were rushing down. They were coming. And the play was done. 

Regulus threw both of his knives towards Bertholdt. They both hit his shoulders, and he gasped for air, breathing. Red was spreading all over his shirt. I couldn't scream. There was no time. There was no breath. I couldn't even speak. 

When he got up, steam rose up from his wounds. It took a few moments before he suppressed the healing. He also took a moment to look at me, from above… and what a sight it must have been. 

Wounds. Blood. By his hand. He just kept crying.

“It was never supposed… to get this far…” he whispered, through the tears in his eyes. 

I was looking at him. I whispered his name… and added: 

“Stay strong, warrior.” 

“I love you… so much… I am so sorry… Romy… I am sorry…”, he couldn’t move. 

I’ve realized that neither could I. Dear God… I must have finally lost my mind… 

“We will meet again. I am waiting…” I was barely moving my lips. 

“Wait for me.” 

He promised… 

… and he ran. 

**_\-------- now --------_ **

I lied. I deceived everyone… and I did it with a straight face. I felt bad about it, especially after seeing that they cared about me… but I cared about him more. 

It was stronger than me. When did I get so deviant? I wonder.

But… I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him to the gallows… or… anything else, really. 

I am a deceiver, a traitor, a deserter… and when my charade gets discovered, I will most certainly get executed. But, for now… I want to give him the chance. To survive. To go to his homeland. 

I want him to be happy. I want us to be happy. 

For a while, at least. I know I am the worst… but I can’t help it. I want to have a life with him… a life away from war… and only for us. 

Like Lotte, I tried to stay loyal. I tried to be fair. 

But my emotions have gotten better of me too.

I can’t believe the mess I’ve created. But… if I want the three of them to be safe… I need information from the inside. I need to stay in the Scouting Legion. 

I need to look them in the eyes, and lie. Ever the despicable deceiver. 

_I will never be forgiven for this._


	14. Finding A Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so... the ending begins.

**PART 14 – Finding a Way**

Merely weeks after the incident, my wounds were already in better condition. I was in a really good care and medical military stuff did a pretty decent job, considering the gravity of my wounds. The bruising and swellings have almost completely passed. 

I still wore bandages and my chest were still hurting whenever I was moving… but I was assured that I would heal up completely and probably without a permanent physical damage. 

Except for the legs, of course. 

Some believed it was miraculous. That fall… and that was because, that kind of fall should have killed me on spot. I wasn’t supposed to survive… but here I was. Moving in a wheelchair, which was really disturbing… but, at least, I am alive. Isn’t that right?

So… was it really a miracle? 

I believe he did his best to protect me in all those moments. His body cracked under when we fell. He must have broken several bones. But we didn’t have time to check… and he had to run.  
Wrecked bodies… and wrecked souls. That’s what and who we both are. 

But even now, I miss him terribly. As I was sitting next to an opened window, watching the golden rays of the afternoon sun, I kept thinking about us. Looking at the landscape over the wooden frame… was calming. I kept imagining that he managed to meet Reiner and Lotte, and that he was safe. And, even if that wasn’t the case, at least, he wouldn’t be alone, disregarding the danger.

I hated to think that he was alone.

The warmth caressed my face and the wind tangled my hair. My hair has grown quite a bit because I wasn’t cutting it. It was already reaching my shoulders, which was a form of an odd success to me. I sighed. 

“It must have been awful.” 

Armin has showed upon a doorstep, and proceeded into the room, followed by Eren and Mikasa. The Shiganshina’s famous trio saluted, and I laughed at them for being that serious. I saluted to them in return. 

“Any news on the fugitives?” I have rolled the chair towards my comrades and crossed my arms in my lap. “Please, sit.” 

They looked towards the bed like they weren’t sure it was a good idea. 

“Come on. I won’t be using that until tonight,” I smiled, alluding to my new moving device. 

“We won’t stay long,” Armin said. “We just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I am fine. More or less.” 

Everyone was thinking about my legs. It was painted all over their faces. They were also thinking about my remaining wounds. 

I was probably going to have some minor scars on my face, on my arms… my legs… but those scars are of physical nature. I haven’t lost nearly as much as I expected I would. I came out alive. Wasn’t that enough? Shouldn’t it be? 

“I am glad you are,” Eren has offered his hand to me. I took it, and he shook it. “You were really brave, Rosemary. And, you did what was right. I am sure that wasn’t an easy thing to do.” 

I looked away. I was suddenly aware that Armin was looking at me while Eren was talking. He was… observing me. Has he already caught on something? 

“I am sorry I didn’t do more. I hate to think that he escaped on my watch.” 

I just went straight on and referred to the so called _elephant in the room_. We had to talk about it in some way, so… there was one way. 

“He would have escaped regardless of your attempts. That serum… didn’t work anymore. Isn’t that what he claimed?” Mikasa was the one who asked this time.

“Yes, that’s what Bertholdt claimed.” 

“Has he added… anything else?” Armin wanted to know. He seemed worried.  

“Just… that he was going to meet Reiner in Wall Rose. I am not sure about what he meant, since we practically have eyes everywhere. The northern unit is already on the move.”

“Maybe he gave you misleading… false information,” Armin offered. He was always the quickest one to deduce inconsistencies. I nodded.  

“Well, he probably did. He can’t be trusted. I’ve learned that the hard way.” 

I had to admit that much. If I hadn’t, and tried to convince him otherwise, he would probably suspect my story and my loyalty to our people. That’s all it took. 

I might be cleared up from the suspicion from others… but not from him, and not from a few others who wouldn’t be that easy to fool. Aurora included. But, I was almost certain that my story was good because it was believable. It could have easily gone that way, had I not allowed myself to follow my heart instead of my brain. Like I did the time we caught Bertholdt for the first time.

That time, my head won. This time, I couldn’t sacrifice my heart for the sake of everyone else. 

Because I can’t… watch him being miserable anymore. I just want him to be… happy… and free. I want his misery to end. I want my own misery to end. Why can’t we just… take a breath from the war? This was becoming… difficult. 

“I apologize if this is too personal… but… what was the reason you two fought over? What did he do, and why has he suddenly… decided to betray us all again? It just… doesn’t make sense.” 

“He was just trying to obtain the coordinate the other way. To convince us that he was on our side to get closer to Annie… and to Eren. The goal was the same all of this time. They never intended to give us any meaningful information; they just wanted to find out about where we kept Annie… and they tried to get closer to Eren while pretending that they would cooperate.”

Armin sighed. “And how…” 

“He asked me to come along. I refused. That’s what we fought about.” 

That’s what you wanted to know, Armin? 

“Liselotte chose to go with Reiner. She has presumably even helped him escape. She took two sets of the 3D maneuver gear and practically armed the two of them prior to fleeing,” Mikasa said.

“And they fled… where?” I asked.

“Towards the Wall Rose. As far as the trails and the information go,” she said. 

I have looked through the window again. It was hard to face them.  

“Do you think they have met yet?” Eren asked. 

“I am not sure. I don’t think so. They will keep the distance for some time.” 

“So, you believe Annie is still their objective?” 

“You and her both. You, even more than her. They will just… change the strategy,” I said. 

“You must hate him for what he did.” Mikasa said calmly. 

I felt her presence behind my back, and looked down to my legs.

“I do. He made a fool out of me in front of everyone… and what’s even worse… he did it twice.” 

Armin approached my wheelchair.

“He is responsible for Wall Maria. Shiganshina. For abducting Eren. He has done some pretty irredeemable things...”

“Them. Not just him. _Them_. The two of them broke the Wall. They ruined my home. Killed my mother and sisters. They made me a refugee in my own world and made me the sole survivor of the Sohner family. I became a despicable orphan that couldn’t do a thing while everything was falling apart. I couldn’t even save my own baby brother, who died in my arms shortly after the wall fell. So yes, I do hate them with all of my heart. You don’t have to remind me of what they’ve done.” 

I looked sharply at him. I needed to show him the anger… the genuine anger. I needed him to believe that I still hated him. That aside, that shouldn’t be hard to demonstrate. After all… a part of me will always hate Bertholdt for what he did, regardless of my love for him as a man. Some things can never be truly forgotten, even if they can be forgiven.  

“I know. But Bertholdt was important to you, and… well…” 

“If you are implying I am fickle like Lotte, you are becoming really rude, Armin. And I was not expecting that from one of my best friends.” 

I was completely calm when I said that. 

“I’m not implying that, Romy. But, he must… cherish you deeply… to try and convince you to go with him after everything,” he concluded. “I don’t know why he would benefit from admitting that to you. Still, he wanted you to come along - despite all the betrayals and all the animosity. He must be…”

Must be what, Armin? I shook my head. 

“I don’t know. I was honestly hoping that he would give us more than what we’ve got on preliminary hearings, but no… I couldn’t extract anything. No information about his homeland, his ability to shift, his goals… I got nothing. However, he knew there were other titan shifters in this world… but he claimed that he didn’t have any kind of interaction with them. He claimed that they were from another fraction of shifters… and that they didn’t cooperate. According to him, they originated from our Walls. He doesn’t know who’s behind that… but… he believes our own world exiled possible shifter families upon discovery.”

“And… you believe that?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t believe anything he claims, I am just telling you what he has told me.”

Armin was thinking about something. It was making him sad. I continued:

“It’s probably just another lie. Or, rather… a speculation. We don't even know what's really required in order to shift, except of eating another shifter,” I said. 

“Maybe it's different for each faction. Maybe there are specific kinds of shifters that require specific conditions to shift. It’s all just… so…” he sighed.

“Complicated. I know,” I agreed.

Eren has clenched his fist. “I hate it. I hate they escaped again. We were stupid to believe they would ever cooperate! We were naive to believe they would help in any way!”

“Eren…” Mikasa’s voice was soft. Almost a whisper.

“I know. Romy… I promise… we will find them.” 

Armin looked really remorseful. I didn’t need that. I almost wanted him to see through me. Almost.

“Not only find them, Armin. We will eradicate them. They… he… won’t get away with what he’s done. To us. To you, Romy. I will kill that traitor!” 

Eren’s infamous rage was starting to show. I was wondering if he ever actually stopped to think about how difficult and impossible it would be… to take down the Colossal Titan, yet alone on his own. The idea… was simply ridiculous. But, I didn’t have a heart to tell him so. 

“Thank you, Eren. But… no matter how hard we try… they always seem one step behind. And beyond our reach.”

“We will reach them eventually." Eren calmed down a bit. "They just can’t run forever.” 

I had to agree with that. I shared his opinion. Armin looked at us. He apologetically bowed his head. 

“Romy... thank you for your time. We should go, let you rest. I hope you completely recover soon. We will inform you about the investigation. You just… focus on your recovery.” 

Armin has hugged me, and I’ve returned the hug. I felt miserable for deceiving him, I wanted to scream the truth in his face. But, it was impossible. If I needed to choose… between them, and him…

Well, I would have chosen them. I did, once. But now it was time to choose something different. 

Mikasa wrapped her scarf around her face. She nodded to me. Eren has offered his heart, saluting.

“I promise, Romy. He won’t get away what he did to you.” 

Poor fool. Poor, honest fool... I am so, so sorry for being this person. 

“Thank you… Eren…” 

I saluted back to the three of them. My former comrades left the room and I felt the gaping horror of my next betrayal on a much bigger scale after their visit. 

**_\----- later ----_ **

Soon after I got fully recovered, I have appeared before Darius Zackley and other members of the military court. Military Police, Garrison and even members of the Wall Cult were present during the hearing.

It wasn’t really a trial for us. It was more like… stating in front of everyone how the things chronologically went and what decisions we have made during the whole process. 

Erwin was the first one to give an official statement. He described events from a central mission, led by his main squad. They imprisoned several shifters and left them to Zackley for further investigation. The aberrant shifter, Christiana Fitzgerald, was still running and hiding somewhere outside Wall Maria. The soldiers were still tracking Bertholdt and Reiner throughout the Walled World, but the two have managed to escape so far. They whereabouts were still unknown. Liselotte Metzger was spotted outside of Wall Rose, but seemed to be separated from shifters. 

After Erwin has finished, Aurora was the next one to speak on Erwin’s demand. Major gave the full report from the beginning – how we broke Bertholdt from prison, after he was initially attacked and almost killed, how we substituted Bertholdt with Georg Brandt. She admitted to arranging the carriage and took the blame for making decisions that weren’t previously arranged with the rest of leading officers - especially Erwin. She apologized for having deceived soldiers who were on duty that night, and for acting without previously consulting her superiors. But, she had to act swiftly, and her priority was to save Bertholdt’s life. She believed it has been the best decision in that moment, because she didn’t expect he’d betray us once again. 

In giving the full report, she even did me a favor – she has thoroughly described all the details, so I didn’t have to. I just had to confirm everything – which I ultimately did, and I have just added the last part prior to his escape, where I was giving him the serum and keeping him alive until his trial was supposed to begin. 

Vladimir Schwarz, also known simply as Regulus to the others, confirmed my version of the story and just shortly added that he wounded Bertholdt upon his escape, and that he believed the boy (as he called him) was hiding in underground tunnels of Sina. Maybe even in the Underground district, or in what's left of it after Historia remodeled it. He wasn’t far from the truth, really. 

Nonetheless… no one was able to locate the fugitive so far. 

Soon after my testimony (in lack of better word), Levi Ackerman appeared, bringing Ezra Schwarz. He was dressed in military uniform, but she was still in her civic clothes. For her, the preference was obvious - she was all in black. Her shirt was plain, v-cut with small laces that crossed over, and plain trousers with leather straps. For knives, I guess. They were empty now. 

Her wrists were covered in bandages, though. She looked serious, and she looked tired. I felt like I knew how she must have felt. All of them - Erwin, Levi, Hanji, Aurora... Ezra... shouldered much bigger problems comparing to random soldiers. Bigger responsibilities. Bitter decisions. Dealing with backstabbers like me. I can only imagine the burdens they had to bear. 

She was a main topic of speculation for the past few days, because she was revealed to be a descendant of Alexander Reiss, son of Ezrah Reiss, an old, respected military officer who was closely related to Uri and Rod Reiss. Meaning, she was a cousin to Frieda and Historia, meaning, she was of royal blood and a royal descendant. 

Regardless… no one has dared to openly speak about it, but they all did _think_ about it, murmuring under breath between themselves when no one of importance would hear – she was the possible ruler of the Walled World, a successor... should anything happen to Historia. It was even debated whether she would be able to turn into a titan, should the case require so. Would she turn into a shifter, like Eren? What a shock. An ex Corporal, turned shifter, ultimately a Queen. 

What a story that would make.  

But, none of that was addressed upon her hearing. She testified about Lotte’s escape with Reiner Brown, about the mission within the HQ, finding out about Christina Fitzgerald and how she was questioning her and Albert Holbein, two shifters from her squad. Apparently, the two of them weren’t from the same faction, and weren’t working with Bertholdt or Reiner. 

Christiana has killed several members of Aurora’s squad, of her own and Ezra’s squad, and among them, her fiancé Hans. I was shocked upon learning that. She was still on the run, but Ezra and Levi’s squad were working together and managed to get onto her trail. Fitzgerald had assistance from several members of the Military Police, which were caught and brought to prison by Mikasa, Eren, Jean, Collin, Brett… there were traitors everywhere. 

But, Christiana was the closest person to apprehension at current moment. She was targeting Bertholdt to kill him, supposedly in order to obtain his titan powers. That's what Hanji Zoe believed anyway and I was willing to bet that it was the real, valid motive. 

I was actually hoping that the united squads would finally catch her, because Ezra had revealed the tactical plan of Erwin, Aurora, Levi and her – and the results were already starting to show.The plan was being fruitful. Ezra knew how her former squad mate was thinking, and she assumed the possible hiding locations which were searched over and thoroughly by the members of their squads. 

Regarding Albert Holbein, the other shifter - he was negotiating with his former Corporal. He offered to cooperate and assist Schwarz if she helped him find a family member – his father, I assume – who was trapped and built in by King Fritz in one of the Titans inside Walls. His proposal was yet to be reconsidered. 

On the top of that, Zackley was still deciding whether to let Ezra Reiss (who demanded being referred to as Schwarz, in order to avoid the whole being-the-next-successor drama) return to her previous position. He has stated that he was considering discharging her from the military all together, but Erwin intervened and insisted that her skills are too valuable and that one moment of personal distress shouldn’t terminate her solid and otherwise impeccable military career. He argued that she still has a lot to offer, but Zackley was prolonging her return, possibly to add pressure, tension, and make her fear his decision. She remained absolutely calm throughout the whole thing. Like it wasn't her concern, and like, no matter what happens, she would accept it.  

It wasn’t fair, but the world wasn’t fair. I guess everyone should accept that, eventually.

**_\----- sometime later ----_ **

As for me, the things turned out quite differently.  
   
On my request, followed by formal appeal, I was honorably discharged from the Scouting Legion and Captain Gustav’s unit. After getting a psychical evaluation by military medics, and being interviewed by my Commanding officer (Erwin Smith, in this case), regimental sergeant (Gustav Lindemann, also my Captain) and Unit welfare officer (although from different squad - Romulo Brass)… it was decided that I could be discharged with honor. (I got a token for bravery in battle, and ironically, a praise for loyalty and devotion to my sector).

I was still in a wheelchair… and I presume that relieved the whole thing. 

I could feel my legs, but I still wasn’t able to walk on my own. I guess that’s why no one… not even Armin… suggested or asked that I stay. They did ask whether I would like to provide tactical council, should the opportunity require. I said yes, because I simply couldn't say no. I couldn't cut all the ties. 

Besides, they were aware of my circumstances, and respected my final decision. I was a tad surprised myself… but the best way of not being suspected by them, is to be far from them and getting information through indirect, and casual way.

Naturally, some were surprised, but some even premeditated it… and ultimately, people got round to my departing from the military. I was visited for more times than I could remember… I was given gifts, hugs, even tears… so I felt even worse about lying and deceiving them all.

Was this… how he felt the whole time? He must have. Because, after all of this… he still had a heart. And, what a heart. 

On the bright side, I could keep my military uniform. At least, I had one memento that I honorably served to some extent. Leaving… must be the most difficult thing that I’ve done in my whole life, only close to getting over my family’s death. Several others were equally challenging. I will name a few - cheating others. Being a deceiver. Loving a mass murderer and helping him escape. But, the life has strange ways of enfolding paths in front of you. 

I took a small, isolated cottage that no one used anymore, and made it my new home. Historia gave the permission, so I inhabited the parcel that was abandoned a long time ago. Surely, it was far from my new job – but I could have distance myself from others as much as I wanted. 

I have just started working as a teacher in a village school, mostly learning children to read and write, teaching them basic geography, history and maths. The biggest benefit of that job was the access to a small library that I could use and pass the time reading, or writing my memoires during breaks. 

I have just ended the history class, filled with ten year olds, when I got the latest news from one of the parents. 

Lotte and Reiner were hunted somewhere close to Wall Maria. I was worried sick wanting to learn something… anything about Bertholdt… but no information was given about the Colossal Titan. I was so upset, so nervous about it that I became physically sick. I couldn’t eat properly - I kept throwing up everything I ate. I kept losing weight. I was terrified because I didn't know what was happening. I was out. 

But I kept saying to myself… that, no matter how stressful it all is… I can’t keep on tormenting myself with worry. I had to keep living. I had to keep finding a way to go away from here without being suspected… and finding a way towards him. 

However, that proved to be even harder than I thought it would be. As it turned out… Armin and Aurora occasionally came to visit. Erwin himself has stayed for a cup of tea too. Subconsciously, I knew they would. 

Small talks and health checkups aside… I will surely be watched for some time because I am still not entirely cleared of suspicion. That much was painfully obvious. I will always be suspected for getting involved with him… and they will always presume that he will come to search for me, if given the opportunity. 

But, I asked them not to ask me to be a decoy of any sorts. Not because I can’t do it, but, because I could. I just wanted it all to end.

The one thing Bertholdt and I both wanted… was the world where we could both be free to love each other regardless of who we were, or what we did. I was wondering whether that world… would eventually be possible. 

**_\----- even later ----_ **

The midnight has already passed when I finished my book. I have closed the covers, and looked through the window, watching the stars. They shone beautifully against the darkness… like eternal, countless glimmers of hope. I knew… they were just balls of gas, bound to die out… but just seeing them make my heart feel at ease. Life could be so beautiful sometimes. 

I was just closing all the windows when I heard something outside of my front door. It wasn’t unusual for some animal to stray around my cottage… but I grabbed my knife nevertheless, and waited. The sound repeated. I have realized that… those were the steps on the gravel path.  
The knock was gentle. I have risen from my chair… and walked towards the door. 

Upon opening, I saw a tall, dark figure… but he was no stranger to me. I have broken into tears… rising myself on toes to hug him. By appearing… just… it was stupid, and it was risky… I didn’t even know how he managed to do it… to pull this up… but… he was here. And it was all that mattered. 

_He has found his way to me._


	15. Starry Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for staying with Romy until the very end. 
> 
> The chapter is uploaded on DA page: https://www.deviantart.com/galateabellator/art/THE-LAST-WISH-Starry-Skies-pt-15-THE-END-755492829

**PART 15 – Starry Skies**

I can’t tell how long we just… stood there… hugging. I was never the type to believe in magic, but I believed in right moments, and right people. Bertholdt wasn’t the right type – on the contrary – he was wrong for me on so many levels – but he felt right at that time. 

And, when I say at that time… I mean, the dawn of my life. I was sixteen years old… and I was just starting to live. In Titan-based world, true… but I was starting to live, and starting to love. Who would have thought it would be so difficult? And beautiful.

He was staring into my scars. His eyes got teary. 

“I am sorry…” he started. I have interrupted him from finishing that sentence. 

“We had to make it look that way. Don’t apologize.” 

“I have heard from some locals… that you were crippled.”

“No… I still use a can, sometimes even the wheelchair for the appearance… but I will be able to entirely heal in no time. Don’t worry.” 

I smiled. It was almost a believable smile.

“You were gone for so long I was afraid I might never see you again,” he whispered. “And I couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing you again.”

“You fool,” I whispered, afraid to let go of him. “I told you to go. It’s too dangerous here. How did you manage… to get pass…”

I wanted to ask so many questions.  

“It hasn’t been easy. I was hiding most of the time, and I used the Underground tunnels. Several tunnels lead towards Rose, as you probably know… but I almost got stuck in one and was almost buried under the rocks. I couldn’t get out for a several hours. I was also afraid I might suffocate from the lack of air. But… I somehow managed to get out. I met with Reiner and Lotte. They are on the way to Wall Maria and are headed to the Forset of Giant Trees. Lotte knows all the tunnels quite well. She wanted me to tell you that… she understands… and… that she is going to be there for you, if you need anything. But, that’s in case you get out of Walled World… and if you come with us to Liberio.” 

Libero… he mentioned Liberio before. 

“My hometown is beautiful at this time of the year. If you want to come… I would like to take you with me. I want you to meet my father… and my family… and… Romy… I want you to…” 

His face got all red. It was probably contagious because I was getting all red too. This was too fast. Too sudden. And I was wondering… whether we were thinking about the same thing. 

“I want you to marry me.” 

We are too young for that. Aren’t we? Or… maybe we aren’t. Maybe we had to grow up too fast because we lead lives that no ordinary person… child, even… is supposed to lead. We were grown-ups before we were supposed to be.  We matured into people long before it was required. That’s the legacy of our world. That’s the sad state of our present. 

“Bert… I… I would love to… but this… is too unexpected. Too soon.” 

“I don’t have much time, Romy. Not only for the mission, but for the life in general.”

He sighed. We have walked towards the table, and took seats. He seemed really serious about this all. I was flattered by his question. In other circumstances, his words would make me really happy… but… in ours… 

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, fearing the answer. I knew it wasn’t simply for the fact that we were star-crossed, or opposing sides. His expression was starting to scare me. 

“I am Eldian. I was born on the continent of Marley. It’s a really long story. We are a settlement… and we are opposing the Paradis Island. Your people.”

Eldian? From the Marley continent? 

“Being one of the Eldians, I have inherited the Colossal Titan…”

My blood froze in my veins. Inherited? As…via genetics? Blood? How do you inherit titan shifting powers? 

“…so I have limited time left at my disposal. Hence… I would like to live to the fullest in that remaining time. I am afraid of death… very afraid… as I already know that I will die in several years from now. My time is passing. Therefore… I want to spend all my remaining time with you.” 

That was something to think about. 

“How… can you inherit…”

“I was selected. I met all the criteria and my training proved fruitful. I was chosen… so, I was turned into a mindless titan… and I have devoured the previous titan-shifter who possessed the Colossal Titan.” 

He let those words sink in.

“In what kind of world… are you living in?” I have asked, terrified. 

“The same kind as yours. Just, bigger… and more informed. Sadly.” 

He looked tired. 

“You are still trying to obtain the Coordinate. Is that why you aren’t returning to Liberio?” 

“Yes. We can go to Marley only after we obtain the Coordinate. We just need… to take Eren with us. I need to finish this mission… and I will be able to go back to Liberio as a warrior. As hero, even. I am sure of it. We can still return and… bring great victory to our people…” 

I suddenly felt sick. It wasn’t his words… it was… something in my stomach.

“I will be right back.”

I have rushed into the bathroom and started to vomit. Me health has deteriorated drastically for the past two weeks because I was in constant stress. When I have returned to him, he seemed really worried.

“Is… everything okay?”

“Yes. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it… I recently had a really bad food poisoning, but I am okay now.”

I have inhaled deeply. I have decided to share my worries with him. 

“Listen, Bert… I have officially left the military. I thought I would be able to spy for you… but, ultimately, I can’t do it. I can’t get information for you. I can’t look them in the eyes… and… lie to them as I already have started to do. I can’t betray them again. Us. Not them. Us. It’s us. I am still a girl of… you said you call us ‘Paradis Island’. So, maybe that’s what we are, a paradise island. Maybe… I… and you… should stay here instead of going to your people. I am still a Shiganshina girl. Maybe… it’ your mission that is all wrong. Maybe your remaining time shouldn’t be so focused on, or limited to Liberio. Maybe they are selfish. Maybe they have trained you for the wrong reasons. Has it ever occurred to you that I might not want to come, despite how beautiful or developed you claim it is? And, if I go, who can say that I’d be accepted? By your family, or the other people? From what you say… Marleyans aren’t fond of us. Do you even think about whether I want to go?”

“Of course. You think that I don’t take your needs into consideration… but, I do. That’s why I came to you. I know that it would be difficult for you to leave in your condition. With your wounds. But… why would you decide to continue living here? It’s been nothing but terrible for you. Under the government that hides the truth from you? The truth that you aren’t the only remaining humans here, and that the world is much bigger and more advanced comparing to everything they have taught you here so far?”

“I am aware it is fundamentally flawed. However… it’s my home, just like Liberio is yours…” 

I sighed. I have looked into his eyes, and I wanted to cry. 

“I know. I truly am a fool… because I want the best for the both of us. Sadly… it doesn’t mean it’s best for you. I know it was too idealistic of me. I apologize.” 

We are in a really difficult position… aren’t we?

“You are risking already… it’s too much. This is too dangerous. You should… immediately leave. Leave the Walls altogether, you and Reiner. Lotte too, probably. She is deemed traitor already.”

“Yes. She has already left… with Reiner. They are leaving the Wall Maria as we speak.”

“You should have joined them…”

“We promised we would find a way. When you couldn’t, I’ve decided it was high time that I fight for us, for change. I’ve sat idly for too long, and I wish I hadn’t.” 

“So… you aren’t that coward that you persistently claim to be,” I smiled softly.

“I’ve just recently found my courage,” he apologetically shrugged his shoulders.

“And I really appreciate it, since it’s not a small thing. This is possibly one of the biggest risks you have taken.”

“I was lucky to reach you without being followed… or recognized.”

“For a good reason.” 

“Eren is well guarded. They are expecting you to come after him.”

“I didn’t mean Eren. Or Annie. My reason is called Rosemarie… but she hates when I call her like that. She prefers when I call her Romy.”

He softly smiled.

“Are you mad?” 

“Why? You chose your home instead of mine. You have right to do so. Maybe, sometime in the future… we could live together. Somewhere that isn’t Liberio, or Shiganhsina. Somewhere outside.”

“What a dream,” I whispered. “Too wonderful to be true.” 

“It’s our beautiful dream. Imagine… we would have a cottage like this.”

“Next to a river.”

“Definitely.”

“Not far from the city, though. We would have a small market to buy food.”

“And we would have a piece of land where we could land crops.”

“We could be farmers,” I nodded.

“I would be a farmer. You would be a teacher, since it’s fitting to you. We would make a large library, filled with books about everything.” 

I have laughed out loud. “I really like that idea!”

“And, a small garden. Full of roses. Of all sorts and colors.” 

He smiled sweetly. 

“Since you are really good at shooting, we could have an armory. With guns… with weapons. For practical reasons. Mainly for protection,” I was thinking out loud.

“We would keep it in the basement, because we wouldn’t like our children to get hurt. Would we?” he smiled. I was lost only for a moment. 

“We would… want children?” I almost choked on those words.

“Y…yes. At least five of them,” he joked further.

“Wow, that’s pretty big amount! But, I guess we would manage somehow,” I have laughed. We were both as red as my hair after that. 

“Ida. I’d name at least one of them… Ida,” he smiled. 

“I love it. I really do. What about boys?” 

“Hm… I don’t know. Reiner… because he would probably insist.”

“I refuse to call any of my boys Reiner. I mean… that just wouldn’t do.” I shook my head. 

We have started laughing.

“Okay… a variation of Bertholdt, then,” he laughed. 

“Because of pater familias, huh? Why not Bertholdt junior?”

“No. That wouldn’t do,” he laughed. 

We have started kissing. That wasn’t all that hard. And, all the difficulties aside… we have learned to seize any moment we could and just… be together.

\--------------------------------

Bertholdt has stayed for some time, successfully avoiding any danger we could have possibly encountered. Maybe we were truly blessed… but, then again, maybe we were simply smart. We have learned how to hide, we have laid low. Minor difficulties presented themselves in form of Aurora, followed by Regulus… but they didn’t search over the cottage to look for Bertholdt. The word was that he escaped Klorva… and they were following completely different trail. 

They stayed just to bring some recovery gifts. They have drunk tea, and soon left. It was intense… but Bertholdt was silent for most of the time and we somehow avoided the disaster that could have happened should he have been discovered. 

And, since we knew it wouldn’t last forever, I had to bid him farewell. I had to follow him out… and give him all my blessings. We shed a lot of tears, and held each other under the starry night. It was bittersweet, difficult, and necessary. 

“Take care of them for me… will you?” he asked. He was holding me in his embrace… and he was squeezing me tightly. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about… I thought he referred to his family in Liberio. His father was supposedly ill… and Bert expressed his sincere worry about his health. The two were quite close. 

“I will give my best,” I have promised.

What a shame. I really wanted to remember him smiling.

\---------------------------------

After his death… I was devastated. I was crying for all night long. And for the next day. AND the next day. I was crying for… forever, really.

“I am sorry… Rosemarie…” 

Armin has stated. For a moment… I caught a familiar glimpse in his eyes. 

“I am sorry for your loss.” 

It wasn’t Armin’s fault. I knew that much. But… the fact hurt like a razor over my opened rib-cage, dug deeply into my heart.

Sometimes, parts of Bertholdt would surface whenever I interacted with Armin. But, he was gone… and he will never turn back. I had to learn to live with that. 

No matter how dark, how deep that wound has reached… I wasn’t supposed to die from it. I had a much bigger role to fill, and a new strong reason to live. 

\----------------------------------

Later, when everything has passed and I grew older… I still haven’t forgotten those sweet dreams of ours. I have continued teaching, and I made that library that we were talking about. My collection has grown really big; it covered the whole wall in my dining room. I have planted several kinds of roses with help of Regulus, who often visited to see how the garden progressed.

I have published several books, and wrote memoirs. 

I have built a decent house with big yard, and I was often visited by the surviving members of the Scouting Legion. There were no hard feelings anymore between us and Marleyans… simply because  we weren’t able to hold grudges forever.

I have just returned home from one of my classes, stopping shortly by to take a look into the central portrait that decorated the main wall in my living room. 

“Welcome home!” two voices shouted in unison, and small steps hurried from the upper stairs to greet me. 

“Bertram! Stop running, and stop pulling Ida. You will fall!”

My twins have rushed towards me nonetheless. 

“Mom! Welcome home!”

“Mom! We’ve missed you!” 

I have hugged both of my children, kissing them along the way. Although identical twins, they were still different physically. Both of them had green eyes – like Bertholdt – but the shape of their eyes was different. Bertram had mine; Ida had Bert’s. Both of them were pretty tall comparing to other children. Also, Ida was redhead, like me. sBertram wore Bert's hairstyle - short and spiky, just like his father. He saw it on Bertholdt’s portrait and insisted on me cutting it that way. 

From me, Bertram inherited my freckles, my… cold demeanor and my serious attitude. 

Ida was our ray of sunshine - so full of joy within the household… but she was also pretty shy around strangers. 

She must have gotten that from Bert.

I have met his family in Liberio. I have taken his last name, for the sake of my children. He has sent them a statement that he intends to marry me, and they respected his will. I was proclaimed his widow in Marleyan territory. Some members of the Hoover family have come to visit, in order to maintain the family relations. They brought a lot of photos of Bertholdt for my babies. 

I remember… when I have just given birth… how Armin showed up to pay his respects. 

“He knew…” I have told him then, holding one baby in each arm. “He knew… Armin. He has even suggested the name…”

“He wanted more of his life. He is very happy, seeing this.” 

“You mean… he would be very happy if he had seen this.” 

“No… I mean… he sees it, Romy. At least… a part of him does. The best part. And I am sure… he loves them the most. I can literally feel it.”

I burst into tears then. Armin has gently hugged me. 

“What am I to do now?” 

“You are to fight, Romy. Like you always did. A life… is a never-ending fight.” 

We have played with Ida and Bertram for some time, before his departure. And… before closing the door, Armin spoke:

“Romy,” he said. “I am really, really proud of you. Thanks for fulfilling that last wish.” 

But, it hasn’t been Armin’s voice that I’ve heard. Somewhere, behind Armin Arlert, Bertholdt Hoover spoke. 

“Thanks for giving me the gift... of love,” I whispered. Armin nodded, not looking back as he was leaving.

But, I could settle with that ending.


End file.
